


Edelweiss

by AnJoanGrey



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AnJoan Grey is also here, Awesome!Leonard McCoy, But there will be love with strong essences, Canon Divergence, Christopher Pike is Sarek's best friend, Dom!Spock, Dominance/submission, Dominant!Spock, Extremely dominant! Spock, Jealous!Spock, Kirk and Spock will have their proverbial friendship, Kirk is calling Spock a pointy-eared bastard, M/M, Mankind being stupid, Master!Spock, Nero moment with slight canon divergence, Non-Sexual Submission, Non-sexual dominance-submission, Only Amanda will die as per ST2009, Possessive!Spock, Prisoner!Leonard McCoy, Reference to the movie 'The Voyage Home', Sarek is sending Spock to Starfleet Academy, Spock melds with Pike, Spock-McCoy first time, Sub!Leonard McCoy, Submissive!Leonard McCoy, There won't be mindless porn or BDSM, Vulcan being destroyed, bamf!spock, spones - Freeform, top!spock, will add more tags later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:27:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 69,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4725926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnJoanGrey/pseuds/AnJoanGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story with strong essences, with non-sexual Dominance/submission.<br/>On Vulcan, Leonard is being taken prisoner by Spock, a native of the planet, for 10 days. A temporary bond is placed. He is treated good, but when the time comes for him to be released... he finds it is unbearable to be parted from the Vulcan. Love has grown on both sides, and now they must deal with the separation. Will Spock give him up that easily, after the ten days of pure, blissful happiness?<br/>No sexual kinks, no porn. Do not read if you expect those. They will make love, but it will be a moment of strongest essences. Also, this is a story with heavy angst (but with no random acts of cruelty), anchored in the real, palpable feelings of love, betrayal, hurt and redemption.<br/>I will take the characters through the Nero episode, rewritten upon my own vision (after all, we are not transcribing scripts here), which will mean Amanda will die.<br/>Update on Mondays.<br/>Therefore, be warned. It will be a slow-build, but with a happy ending, and it will be blissful, then painful, because it is about a type of relationship that can exist, even if very rarely.<br/>On topics suggested by JoJa, 3DBABE1999 and Vidhi<br/>For Vidhi, forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vidhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vidhi/gifts).



> My Tumblr:  
> http://anjoangrey.tumblr.com/  
> My Facebook:  
> https://www.facebook.com/AnJoan-Grey-1396337104020854/timeline/
> 
> I will only quote the following fragment:
> 
> “Please, please. I will go with you, I will do anything you want. Just let them go.”  
> Still holding a tight grip on the Lieutenant’s arm, so that he could break it at any moment, lifted Leonard’s chin, to see his eyes.  
> “Anything?” – he wanted to know.  
> “Yes, yes. Let them go with the plants I have picked. And don’t break his arm. Please. His career would be finished if you did that.”  
> “Put the other knee down as well”, Spock requested.  
> Leonard felt dizzy all of a sudden – was the Vulcan requesting him to kneel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made up my mind. Will update at 500 hits.

The plant which was known as _Leontopodium alpinum_ had long been extinct on Earth. It had a delicate flower and grew high on the mountains, among the barren rocks.  It was not only beautiful. It was essential to the continuation of human race.

Jim Kirk was once again meditating upon how easily mankind managed to almost destroy itself by altering the planet’s flora and fauna.

Fortunately, the plant had been discovered on another distant planet named Vulcan, and the Enterprise was on its way there. Their CMO, Leonard McCoy, MD, PhD, was absolutely confident that – should he obtain flower seeds, he would manage not only to synthesise the essential vaccine for the terrible disease that had decimated mankind in the past few decades, the Phage, but also he was planning to attempt growing the plant again – first in a controlled environment, then in the mountains of Earth.

Jim knew very well that if his best friend and CMO, ( _Bones_ – as he called him), had set something in mind, he will do it. He will find the means. Leonard McCoy was easily the most brilliant mind of Starfleet. He had found the cure to many diseases that had been thought to be untreatable, he had performed surgeries that had never been attempted, ever, and succeeded. He had saved an immense number of lives, all over the galaxy. He had saved his own soul from ruin, supporting him through the highly dangerous missions of the Enterprise and through the day to day horror (and bliss) of being a Starship Captain.

Jim knew that if they obtained the  _Leontopodium alpinum_ plant, the Phage disease would be defeated for ever by Leonard McCoy.

The planet Vulcan had no space control tower and no center of command. The inhabitants of this world were known to be rather strange, isolated and – even though they had warp capability and advanced technology, they were not fond of strangers and they did not want any diplomatic and economic affairs with the United Federation of Planets. This complicated things – to some sort.

Jim Kirk summoned Leonard McCoy to transporter room, together with two biologists, one geologist and a complete security squad. Caution was necessary.

“Now this is hot”, Leonard complained, as soon as they had beamed down the surface of the planet. “Even for an alpine region. I think I hate it.”

“Oh, shut up Bones.”

He remained quiet for a few moments, gazing around after the grey _Edelweiss_ flower – as it had been known on Earth – inspiring many poets, painters, novelists…

“Of all places, the stupid plant had to grow on this stupid uninhabited planet.”

“It’s not uninhabited, Bones. In fact, Vulcans are quite interesting people. And they are known to do some awesome mind tricks.”

“Mind tricks? Like what, hypnosis?”

“No, other stuff, mind reading, telepathy, binding two minds together, that sort of things.”

“Uh-huh. And they are not very friendly, as far as I can see.”

“No, Bones, not really friendly. Actually, I hope we can avoid them. They sort of give me the creeps only when I think of them. I hate the telepathic species.”

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us, although I must admit, Jim, at times I would really know what’s going on in that corn-fed mind of yours.”

“I’ll draw a window on my forehead so that you can look inside.”

“Thanks. That would be extremely helpful. Hey watch out, where do you think you’re climbing!?”

“Just wanted to admire the view.”

“Captain.” – one of the Biologists said, politely.

“Yes, Mr. Johnson?”

“We have found the flower, Sir. There are quite a lot over here.”

Leonard was suddenly overwhelmed by excitement and rushed to see the discovery. There it was, beautiful and grey, like a diamond in a mine, pure beauty and grace, holding the promise of life for millions of sick people on Earth. He leaned down and picked the nearest flower, pulling the root out of the rocky soil. He placed it in a special metallic box.

“Spread around and pick as many as possible,” – he ordered. “Jim, try not to touch anything. I’ll be busy once we return to the ship and I do not have time for God knows what allergies.”

“Yes, mom”, he mumbled. Bones was so fun, he thought.

 

Not even 20 minutes later, Lt. Mitchell, chief of security team, warned Kirk that there were 30 life signs approaching, and he placed his men in position to be able to protect the Captain.

“Bones, forget the damn plants, let’s get out of here”, Kirk tried, but it was a pretty suicidal mission to get Leonard McCoy away from a plant with potential healing properties. He took his arm and tried to drag him away from the mountain wall, so that they could beam the hell up, when they were suddenly surrounded by a group of young Vulcans.

 

They had a calm demeanour, a plain, emotionless face, with pointy ears and dark-brown eyes.

“Kirk to Enterprise, get us out of here, Scotty”, Jim tried.

“Your transporter has been temporarily disabled,” one of the Vulcans spoke – he seemed to be in command.

Jim stepped in front, to attempt negotiations. It would have helped if he could read at least _something_ on the Vulcan’s face – but nothing – not rage, nor surprise, nothing at all. 

“I am James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We come in peace.”

“Greetings”, the Vulcan addressed him. “I am Spock.”

They stared at each other silently for a few moments.

“Who is he?” – Spock wanted to know, focusing his intense gaze upon Leonard.

“Uh, this is Leonard McCoy, my Chief Medical Officer. A doctor.”

“Were you the one to pick the Sacred Flower?”

“The – what?” – Leonard snapped. He really did not have time for this.

“Come to me”, Spock commanded, on a low voice.

Leonard made an attempt to head into his direction, blissfully unaware of any danger that may occur, but Jim abruptly stopped him.

“We, Sir, have attempted contact with your center of command, but there was no reply. We need this plant, which grew on Earth long ago and which nowadays grows only here, in order to synthesise a serum against a terrible disease that is threatening our race. We mean you no offense and no harm.”

Spock listened to Jim Kirk calmly.

“It is forbidden to pick the Sacred Plant. Perhaps if you had refrained to pick it on past days on your planet, you would have still had it today, when need was great.”

“Yes, well, we, the people of Earth, never seem to learn from our own mistakes.”

“That is – illogical”, the Vulcan said, and looked genuinely puzzled for a moment. He then refocused his gaze upon Leonard McCoy.

“Come to me, I said.” – he repeated.

His voice had nothing hypnotic, but Leonard could not really focus on anything else. He made one more step towards the Vulcan.

Jim pulled him violently to the side.

“Sir, if you want to discuss, negotiate or fight, you will do all these, or any of them, with me only”, Jim said. “The Doctor is a part of my team and I will not endanger his life.”

“His life is in no danger, however, yours, and the lives of your team members, are more and more endangered by your stubbornness”.

Jim approached the insolent Vulcan, after a brief exchange of looks with his security squad – he was planning to show those creatures that you do not speak that way to a Starship Captain.

With a quick, sudden gesture, yet calm at the same time, Spock placed his hand on the Captain’s shoulder, applying pressure on a certain point – and he collapsed at his feet. He then wrapped one arm around Jim’s neck.

“One step closer”, the Vulcan warned everyone, “and I will break his fragile neck-bones.”

“Leave him alone!!” – Leonard said, instinctively assuming command and stepping in front of his team. “It was me you wanted, may I come closer? I am unarmed” – he said, demonstratively throwing the phaser down.

“You may”, Spock said, pleased at the way the request was formulated.

Leonard approached cautiously. He knelt near Jim:

“What did you do to him?”

“He is merely unconscious. He will be well, unless you provoke us further.”

“Look”, Leonard said, gazing upwards into his eyes. “Everything he told you is true. We need this plant. Have you not heard about the Phage?”

“Of course, Doctor. We are not savages.”

“Then let us go. Millions of lives depend on this plant.”

“It is forbidden to pick the Sacred Plant.”

“So you’ve told us. What is the penalty?”

“How many plants do you have in the recipient?”

“Ten.” – he answered, unable to look away – the Vulcan had had a strong, overwhelming gaze.

“You will be my prisoner for ten days. Get one of your men here, to pick your Captain, and they may go.”

“What about me, will you let me go in ten days?”

“Affirmative.”

“Mitchell,” – Leonard said, looking at the security officer. “Come and get the Captain, he is not harmed, just unconscious, you will all beam up.”

Mitchell approached cautiously and without any preamble he attacked Spock, punching him straight in the face.

Leonard – who still had one knee on the ground, attending to Kirk – felt his soul cringing at the sight. Spock’s people maintained their position, as they had not been ordered to do something else; Spock recovered from the surprise hit and very easily immobilized Mitchell; he was about to break his arm, when Leonard, not knowing what to do, placed his hand on Spock’s leg:

“Please, no!”

The Vulcan looked downwards – Leonard’s touch had nothing aggressive – it was more like an imploration.

“Please, please. I will go with you, I will do anything you want. Just let them go.”

Still holding a tight grip on the Lieutenant’s arm, so that he could break it at any moment, lifted Leonard’s chin, to see his eyes.

“Anything?” – he wanted to know.

“Yes, yes. Let them go with the plants I have picked. And don’t break his arm. Please. His career would be finished if you did that.”

“Put the other knee down as well”, Spock requested.

Leonard felt dizzy all of a sudden – was the Vulcan requesting him to kneel?

Two lives were depending on his ability to react now. Quickly and correctly. He did as he was asked.

The Vulcan aligned his beautiful, long fingers on Leonard’s face – and all of a sudden, the Doctor perceived an alien presence in his own mind, strong, unrelenting, like a sudden blast of nostalgia or like a memory brusquely overwhelming you – you cannot push it away.

“I am binding you to myself by the _Kafeh_ bond for ten days, Leonard McCoy”, Spock said.

Leonard did not know what that meant, but he instinctively felt it was not his place to comment.

“Restore their transporter function, Stonn”, he told one of his men. “Do not attempt any uselessly brave acts, Sir”, he addressed Mitchell. “Bear in mind that there is no way you can match the Vulcan strength. You may beam up your ship. Return in ten days to pick up your Doctor. You will then receive seeds of the Sacred Flower as well, enough to re-grow it on your planet.”

“But – “

“Now, Lieutenant, get the hell out of here”, McCoy snapped, pulling Kirk farther from Spock.

At last, the Security Officer found the strength to pull himself together and took his Captain in his arms, beaming up.

 

Spock looked down at Leonard McCoy, quite content to see him still on his knees.

“Stand up.”

“Thanks. So, what are you gonna do to me?”

“We shall see.”

“Are you going to torture me?”

Spock raised one eyebrow at him.

“Torture? We are not barbarians, Doctor. Torture is used to obtain information. I have a direct channel to your mind.”

“Okay”, Leonard agreed. Better not to argue with this guy. He _was_ strong. “So what is this _bond_ thing?”

“I have bound you to me for ten days using a low bond. I will see your heart and your character.”

“So, there are low bonds and high bonds?” – Leonard asked, structuring his information. He knew that Kirk will attempt to get him away from there as soon as he would recover from the sudden slumber – he’d better use this opportunity to learn about the Vulcans.

“Indeed.”

“So what do you want from me?”

“Submission.” – the Vulcan stated.

Leonard thought that was rather abrupt. Those people were not doing any small talk; that was for sure. He decided to be as blunt as them, perhaps they would appreciate it.

“What for?”

“To see if you are capable of it”, the Vulcan answered, cryptically, and took him to an air vehicle. He helped him get inside, secured a seat belt over his chest and proceeded towards an unknown destination.

“…right”, Leonard mumbled. But the small gesture of pulling a seat-belt over him reassured him somehow – they seemed to be thoughtful people – at least this Spock guy.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leontopodium alpinum, usually called Edelweiss, is a mountain flower, belonging to the Asteraceae. The plant is unequally distributed and prefers rocky limestone places at about 1800–3000 m altitude.
> 
> The above sentence will be learnt by heart.
> 
> Will update at 500 hits.
> 
> Identify the moments that create butterflies in the stomach, that is very helpful for me.

His residence was made of stone, high on the mountain; it was very pleasant inside: cool air, an austere décor, almost no furniture. A sofa, a fireplace, a table and some chairs. A replicator unit. A computer console, quite similar to those of the Federation. That was all.

Spock adjusted something on the computer terminal.

“You may use the replicator for whatever food and clothing you require.”

“Thanks. Do you have any vegetarian food programs?”

Spock gave him a surprised look:

“Are you a vegetarian?”

“Yeah.”

“Are all humans vegetarians?”

“Uh, no. Quite few, actually. It is a matter of choice for us.”

“Why did you choose to be a vegetarian?”

“I can’t eat things that once had parents.”

Spock frowned, trying to process the argument. This being was definitely interesting. There was much to discover.

“Hey, come he- I mean, would you please come here?” – Leonard asked, he had settled on the couch

Spock came near him, obviously pleased at the way the request had been formulated.

Leonard took his medical tricorder out of his bag, and a dermal regenerator.

“These are medical tools. I am not going to harm you. I’ll fix the haematoma on your cheek, Mitchell has hit you pretty badly.”

“Proceed”, Spock said, with obvious curiosity.

Leonard turned his head slightly to the side and scanned him carefully, after which he ran the dermal regenerator over his skin, slowly.

“So… what does it mean you have a direct channel to my mind?”

“It means I am aware of all your thoughts and emotions at all times.”

“Wow. So I can’t keep any secrets from you for ten days.”

“Attempting to hide something from me would be unwise.”

The Doctor finished the regeneration process.

“There you go, we’re done. May I scan you entirely? I am very curious about your anatomy. Your race is not, um… very friendly, and we know very little of you.”

“You may”, Spock agreed, touching his own cheek and quite content to observe it was not hurting anymore.

Leonard did not let the opportunity pass and took ample readings.

“Wow”, he said. “Your heart is positioned close to the stomach, much lower than the human heart. You have 5 coronary arteries?”

“Enough for now. On your knees.”

Leonard’s soul clenched when he heard those words. He swallowed hard, fighting strongly against the urge to protest, because people do not kneel in front of other people where he comes from, but when he thought of the _Leontopodium alpinum_ seeds…

He got off the couch and knelt on the wooden floor, looking at Spock.

The Vulcan once again positioned his fingers on his face, touching his mind.

At first, Leonard felt something like _appreciation_ – the Vulcan seemed pleased at him. Then, for a while, _tranquillity_ – their minds were merging, attuning, getting used to one another. Then – a _probe_ – aimed at his medical knowledge. _Curiosity_ ; willingness to learn. Leonard wondered if he could probe the Vulcan’s mind too. He did not know how to do that. He tried to imagine the alien mind like a huge jar containing knowledge; he just had to look through the glass.

“No, no”, Spock said, on a firm tone. “You are not allowed to do that.”

“Sorry.”

But for a brief moment, he sensed the Vulcan’s pure, genuine surprise at his attempt.

“What am I allowed to do?” – Leonard asked. “What do you want me to do, these ten days?”

“All that I am asking you to.” – the answer came.

“I figured that out. But more precisely?”

“Do you require a list of duties?”

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Your only duty will be to wash this wooden floor two times a day. You will be spending a lot of time on it. There is a supply room over there. Apart from that, we will meld, talk, eat and sleep.”

“Meld?”

“A meld is the joining of minds.”

“Ah… how do you even do that?” – Leonard asked, with vivid curiosity, cuddling comfortably at his feet.

“Our race is telepathic. However, we are not like the inhabitants of the planet which is named Betazed. We must touch in order to perform the act of mind-reading. Centuries of practice have taught us how to perform the process efficiently. When I touch these three points on your face – which we call the _psi_ or _meld points_ , the contact is much clearer.”

“And… all the people have these meld points in the exact positions like on my face?”

“No. Each person is different, this is why they must be found first.”

“You must have very sensitive fingertips.”

“Indeed.”

Leonard McCoy was mesmerized. The being that had taken him prisoner was absolutely fascinating. He was also sure he had never, ever seen someone more beautiful. He did not even realize that the Vulcan had placed his hand on his right wrist, in a gesture that translated as possessive – had he only been paying attention…

The computer chimed:

“Yellow alert. Yellow alert. Yellow alert.”

Spock frowned for a brief moment, but remained seated, he just held Leonard’s wrist tighter.

“Computer, what is the nature of the alert?”

“Unauthorized transport of one human life form, distance from structure, 30 thonek.”

“That must be my Captain, he has come to negotiate my freedom.”

“Is the Captain your mate?” – Spock asked, looking straight into his eyes.

“What? NO!”

“Do not lie, I sense your affection for him.”

“He is like my younger brother, and yeah I love him to pieces, what are you going to – “

“Silence, Leonard.”

“But, Spock, listen, I must talk to him. He’s probably worried for me and he’s gonna do something stupid – “

“You may not call me Spock.”

Leonard was taken aback. He gave him a confused look:

“Then how _may I_ call you?” – he asked, not without some irony.

“The proper way of addressing me is _Master._ ”

“Master. Right. Of course! How else.” – he mumbled, mostly to himself.

“Be silent, now. I will not tell you this for the third time.”

Leonard thought it was wiser to shut up. He had seen with his very own eyes what type of strength he possessed and how he could render someone unconscious just by a mere touch – how was he doing that, anyway? He did not seem, however, to perform random acts of cruelty. So shut up, McCoy, you are doing this for the future of mankind and for Edelweiss seeds.

Someone chimed the door, which startled Leonard, which made Spock tighten his grip on his wrist.

“You will stay right there and you will not talk to your Captain without my permission. Am I understood?”

“Yes,” Leonard said, his soul twisting in an unknown pain.

“ _Yes, Master_ , this is how you answer,” Spock continued, calmly.

Leonard sighed, he was exhausted by all this and he was positive that he started to hate the whole thing, no matter how fascinating the Vulcan was.

“Yes, Master”, he managed to say, and he really wanted to vanish through a hole in the ground.

“Computer, release the door.”

The door opened and James Kirk stepped inside. He had no weapons, just a communicator, visible in his hand, so that it would not be mistaken for anything else. He was on the ‘negotiations mode’, meaning his life signs were being carefully monitored from the ship, as well as Leonard’s.

Jim must have been expecting a horrifying sight, with Leonard being tortured or beaten or treated extremely badly – as it had happened many times during their missions. Instead, he saw quite a peaceful, domestic scene, with the alien Spock comfortably sitting on the couch and Leonard McCoy equally comfortably cuddled at his feet.

“Um, hello again.” – Jim managed to say, after he recomposed himself.

“Hello, Captain.”

“Bones, you okay?”

“Your Doctor is unharmed.”

“Well, I want to hear it from him.”

Leonard bit his tongue in order to remain silent, he had not forgotten his instructions; Jim was unarmed, the Vulcan was dangerous, and he did not want that stupid kid in any more trouble already, especially since he was stuck here and unable to help him, in case.

“You may answer”, Spock told Leonard, his hand still circling the Doctor’s wrist.

“I’m fine, Jim”, Leonard said reassuringly, and his Captain knew it was the truth – they had learnt long ago to read each other’s emotions through the tone of the voice and other small, almost imperceptible cues. _I’m fine, Jim_ – actually meant _I am fine, you idiot, now get the hell away from here because I’ve got things under control like a boss_.

“I have come to propose an exchange of prisoners. I am the Captain of the ship and I am offering myself in his place. I am much more valuable to you than him.”

Leonard rolled his eyes in exasperation:

“Get the fff-“

“Enough”, Spock said, standing up and leaving Leonard on the floor. “I regret, Captain, but I have no need of you. Your Doctor is well and he will not be harmed. Now I request that you leave before our situation complicates uselessly.”

“Listen, Sir, I cannot allow for one of my men to be held captive. You yourself seem to be the leader of this community – you would do the same.”

“Indeed I would, but I would also see the logic of the situation.”

“What do you need HIM for? Whatever he does, I can too.”

“Jim, you idiot – “ – Leonard started, standing up and coming near them.

Spock turned towards him watching him with dark eyes.

“Did I say you could stand?” – he said, on a low, calm voice.

“Now listen – I need to talk some sense into my Captain, otherwise he will uselessly attempt to save me and this entire mission will – “

“Be silent.” – Spock said, just on a slightly firmer tone, which made Leonard’s blood freeze – how did this guy even look when he was REALLY angry? He thought he did not want to know.

“Sir – “ – Jim started again.

“You are capable of monitoring his vital signs from the Enterprise, are you not?”

“I am. We are.”

“Then I suggest you do so, and you shall see he is, and he will be, in no danger. He will be released ten days for now.”

Jim remained silent for a moment, weighing the options – which were non-existent – he knew that any attempt to beam his friend away from there would forever ruin their chances to obtain the plant seeds they so desperately needed.

Leonard also remained silent, aware that he had _sort of_ messed up. He just glared at Jim, with a _Get the ffffff* away from here_ look.

Jim left. There was nothing he could do anyways.

 

Spock turned towards Leonard, who looked downwards, he did not know exactly way.

“You have much to learn.”

“That nosey kid was going to attempt and ‘save me’ and ruin everything. I know him.”

Spock raised his chin with one finger:

“Two transgressions in two minutes and no apology. This does not start well.”

“I am so-“

“No, not like this, and not now. I will leave you meditate upon the problem.”

“Where are you going?” – Leonard panicked, he did not know why.

“I have matters to attend to. I will return in two standard hours. You have a floor to wash.”

“Are you gonna lock me here?” – his panic increased.

“Certainly not.”

Spock left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photo link:  
> http://www.bivouak.net/album_photos/e/Edelweiss_16342.jpg
> 
> Will update at 800 hits.  
> Butterflies in the stomach? When?

 

It had been very long since Leonard washed any floors. It felt strange; but in a good way. With so little furniture and so much floor, the job took him half an hour. It smelled fantastically good, the cold water and a flowery solution over the wooden floor, it brought back memories of a long-forgotten place, when he was a child, and everything was fresh and he had not known the suffering yet.

He looked around the house. Apart from the large living room, there was a bedroom with a single large bed. That worried him for a moment, because, submission or not, there was no way in hell he would let this guy do any weird sexual stuff to him. Leonard McCoy liked women. That was it. And in fact he did not even like _women_. He had liked _one_ woman, long ago, and that was it. Nothing and no one else ever since.

He sat down the couch, reviewing his tricorder readings.

Time was passing by slowly.

He went outside for a few moments. The planet’s atmosphere was reddish and Edelweiss flowers were everywhere. His life-sign must have been registering in plain sight for the Enterprise now, and anyways Mr. Scott could easily beam anyone up from anywhere. However, no one attempted. They better not! They did not have to mess up on this one.

He felt alone – no, he felt impatient.

He was hardly waiting for him to return.

He sat down on the grass, careful not to harm any flowers, gazing at the two suns of the planet, setting.

It was very strange, but something deep inside him was hurting. He was annoyed by the unknown pain. It was as if he was longing for something.

A hand on his shoulders startled him, abruptly pulling him out of his reverie.

“You are still here”, the Vulcan said.

“Where would I go?” – he said, looking up. He thought that Spock had a genuine talent to always situate himself on an asymmetric position. They would never be equals – that was for sure.

“I thought that perhaps your Captain would attempt to _save_ you.”

“Hey, we had an agreement and he understood. We are honourable people.”

“So I have noticed. Now, you will apologize for the transgressions.”

Leonard knew this moment would eventually arrive.

“I don’t suppose a mere _Sorry_ will do.”

“It will certainly _not do._ ”

“Fine”, he mumbled, then he adjusted his position so that he would once again be on his knees. Spock was waiting, ever so calm, perhaps slightly curious, his eyes dark and intense, and Leonard thought he was not ashamed to be kneeling in front of this being – it almost felt as if –

– as if it was normal – as if this was the way things should be.

“I am sorry”, Leonard said, looking up, only to see him frowning, and his eyes slightly darkening.

Perhaps he should rephrase that.

“Not – good?” – he said, unsure of himself.

“Not good”, the Vulcan confirmed.

Wow, this guy could be annoying, but at the same time he could be dangerous, he swore there should be a manual of how to deal with a master. Right! That word.

“I am sorry, Master”, he added.

That should do the trick.

“Better, but still not good.”

“Wow, you are really hard to please”, Leonard snapped. “Help me instead of – “

Spock placed his fingers on his face, and Leonard expected to feel pain – after all, he was not pleased – but instead, he was engulfed in a wave of calm, pure, soothing tranquillity that toned down his quick temper. He took a few deep breaths. The Vulcan was willing to teach him, and he somehow sensed that the lessons were valuable. He’d better pay attention. He had already done mistakes. When you are doing a mistake, you ask for –

“Forgive me, Master”, he said, with honesty this time, as realization had dawned upon his mind.

He immediately felt Spock’s contentment and it made him happy, he didn’t know why.

“You are learning very fast, Leonard, I am pleased.”

Extraordinarily enough, Leonard blushed.

“Let us go inside. Stand up.”

Leonard added on his mental list that he needed to hear the words _stand up_ and not do it out of his own initiative.

“You will eat Vulcan food”, Spock said.

“Okay.”

They ate silently, Leonard hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“What do you call these, Master?” – he asked, pointing to the nutritious bar he was nibbling from and which tasted delicious. Also, the word _Master_ started to be bearable and the Vulcan seemed to be content to hear it. Another mental note to use it often.

“That is called _kreyla_. It is a variety of Terran bread.“

“…bread? Have you ever eaten bread?”

“My Mother often makes it.”

“…does she now? And if I may ask, where did she learn from? One does not simply make Terran bread, just like that.”

“My Mother is human.”

Leonard’s eyes widened and he almost choked with the _kreyla._

“Um… and can I meet her??”

“Certainly. You will meet both my parents tomorrow.”

“Do they know I am your prisoner?”

“Of course.”

“And they approve of your actions? I mean… especially your Mother, she must know that on Earth, restricting someone’s liberty, making them kneel – are – “

“…are what, Leonard?”

“I don’t know, they are wrong things.”

“Why have you not used the opportunity to leave while I was away? The door was open, you had access to your tools, your communicator and my own computer.”

“Because! Because I gave my word I would stay for those ten days.”

“Therefore, do you feel restricted? _Chained_?”

“…no, not really”, Leonard confessed, looking downwards.

“Do you feel ashamed when I ask you to kneel?”

“…no”, he said again, and it was the truth.

Spock said nothing else for a while; he put the empty dishes back in the replicator and turned towards him:

“Come on.”

“Where?”

“To bed.”

Leonard was not looking forward to this moment.

“Listen, I… um… perhaps I could sleep here on the couch.”

“Certainly not.”

“If you have any weird stuff in mind, let me tell you already I am not going to do it. Not willingly anyways.”

Spock gave him a really confused look.

“ _Weird – stuff?”_

“Yeah.”

“Leonard, I am planning to rest, and so will you. There is nothing else that is going to happen in bed. I apologize if you were under the impression that I wanted to use your body.”

“Yeah, okay. So no weird stuff. We’re good.” – Leonard said, climbing in bed, remaining on one side, as far as possible from him.

“Come closer.”

“Um, why?”

“Leonard.” – he said, on a slightly stricter tone.

“Fine, wow”, he mumbled, and came 20 inches closer, promising to himself that would be the closest he would get.

Spock pulled him closer as if he weighed nothing, and covered him with a warm blanket, after which he turned towards him, on one side, and reconnected a meld, touching his mind lightly.

“I thought I was supposed to kneel for this melding procedure.”

“That would not be very constructive during sleeping.”

“Wha- wait, are you – I mean, do you plan to – “

“This is how you will sleep, yes.”

Leonard rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“You want to see if I am planning to escape during sleeping?”

“You are not planning to escape at all.”

“Then what?”

“I am merely curious about the dreams…”

“Can’t you study your own dreams?”

“Vulcans do not dream.”

“Oh. Ohhh!” – the passionate researcher in him woke up all of a sudden. “Then what do you do in the REM stage of sleep? How does the brain develop, how does it consolidate long-term memories, how does it get rid of junk?”

“We do not have REM sleep. Therefore we do not get rid of the said _junk_. Vulcans have eidetic memory. We keep everything.”

“That – must be exhausting! No wonder you don’t have energy to smile.”

“Do not be insolent, Leonard.”

“Right.”

“Go to sleep.”

“But – in the third stage of sleep,” – he continued, removing Spock’s hand from his face and sitting up to make his point, “the brain restructures and rearranges the random images and events of the day in order to – “

Spock pulled him back on the pillow:

“Under no circumstances”, he said firmly, “will you ever remove my hand from the melding position. That is a sacrilege.”

Leonard covered his mouth with his palm, skipping a breath.

“I AM stupid. Stupidstupidstupid! Forgive me, Master.”

More items were added on his mental list.

“Never again. I will have your word.”

“I promise, I promise. Not doing stupid things.”

“Now be silent and sleep”, he said, reconnecting the meld.

Leonard sighed, and closed his eyes. The alien presence in his mind was discrete, as if an observer were standing aside and taking notes. It was not intruding, but rather soothing and calm, and his usually agitated mind settled down under his hand, like the waters of a lake when there is no wind. He could not remember the last time he felt so peaceful.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will update at 1,000.  
> Please specify the moments of 'butterflies-in-the-stomach'.
> 
> Flower link:  
> http://www.ethical-hedonist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/edelweiss.jpg

When he woke up, he was alone in bed, and he could see the dawn breaking through the window.

“Computer, Time?”

“The Time is 802.99.”

“I meant the Standard Time, you Idiot.”

“Standard Time is 06:03 AM.”

“Wow, this guy wakes up early.”

He got out of the bed and went to shower. To his distaste, there was a sonic shower, just like the one on the Enterprise – no water. What a pity. He had no shaving tools. He had to replicate clothes, shaving foam and a shaving blade, gah! This prisoner-taking procedure could have gotten a bit smoother, he thought. If he could only have his necessities with him. Luckily enough, he was a very minimalist person, always wearing the same Starfleet-blue clothes and not needing much to feel good. He managed to talk the Replicator through the process of delivering him what he needed and managed to shower, shave and change clothes.

He went to the living room, the windows were largely open and a few leaves had been brought inside by the breeze. This was his floor, he thought, and picked them up, going outside to look for a trash can. The Vulcan was there, looking at the two suns rising, in a meditation posture on a flat rock.

“Hi.”

Spock turned towards him, his eyes slightly darker than last night. Leonard had by now learnt that darker eyes meant he was not doing something right.

“Um… what now?” – he tried to figure things out. Perhaps he should say good morning. Properly. Right.

He put one knee down.

A mild wave of approval passed through his soul, it was strange, but he felt it. He was definitely doing things better, but there was place for improvement.

“Both knees down”, Spock said.

Leonard hated him, but complied.

“Good morning, Master”, he said, actually meaning _I would like to stab you with a hypospray right in your left eye_.

Spock touched the psi points on Leonard’s face for a moment, and he felt ashamed. The Vulcan only wanted civilized manners, the way he saw them. And he was being a jerk. Okay, Leonard McCoy, you can do better than this.

“Good morning, Leonard.”

No one actually called him _Leonard_. He was either _Bones_ , or _Doctor McCoy,_ or _Doktor MkKoy_ , or _You Idiot_ , or _Bastard_ , or... but never _Leonard._ His given name sounded good. At least when the master spoke it. Wait,

did he just start thinking of Spock as ‘his master’? Because that was weird.

“Stand up”, he said. My Parents expect us for breakfast.

They proceeded towards the already familiar air-vehicle which was parked near the house.

Leonard got in, and Spock leaned over him to connect the seat-belt.

“I was totally capable of doing that myself, you know?” – Leonard grinned at him.

“Your safety is my job, Leonard.”

Leonard loved the way that sounded.

“So how must I call your Parents? Are they, dunno, Princes, or King and Queen, or something?”

“Well, their names are Sarek and Amanda. So I think it is safe to use them.”

“I see… so no….’Master’ and ‘Mistress’ or ‘Mylady’ or something of the kind.”

“I am your only Master, Leonard.”

“You sure are possessive, you know that??”

“I am aware of that.”

“Oh. Oh good. He is aware of that”, Leonard snapped, looking at the landscape. Their destination seemed still far away.

“Why do you live so isolated on the mountain?”

“I like my privacy. Also, I can keep an eye on the Sacred Plant and break the bones of those who venture to pick it up.”

“I take there have been other attempts?”

“There have been 127 unsuccessful attempts so far.”

“What, you break the bones of all those who try?”

“Affirmative.”

“Whoa. Why? Wait, don’t tell me. It is forbidden to pick the Sacred Plant”, he said preciously.

“Exactly.”

“So how come you took me prisoner and gave my colleagues the plants?”

“Because I wanted.”

“You wanted… what, to be more precise?”

“You.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense”, he mumbled, on his _grumpy-Leonard-McCoy_ tone. “Did you take other prisoners?”

“A few.”

“Oh come on, Master, you can do better than that.”

Spock gave him an amused look.

“I have taken 32 prisoners so far.”

“…and?”

“And they did not last more than two hours.”

“ _Last_? What did you do, had them for dinner?”

“I am a vegetarian, therefore no, I did not. They had no notions of submission.”

“…right. So, since I lasted since the second morning, I take I am doing better?”

“You are doing exceptional, Leonard.”

Leonard blushed at the compliment, he did not know why, it was nonsensical. For a few moments, he just gazed at Spock’s hands on the driving console. He had very beautiful hands, he thought.

“So, um, to finish with the protocol sentences, how must I call you in the presence of your Parents?”

Spock turned his head towards Leonard, his eyes slightly darker.

“Okayokayokay, gotitgotit, wow, easy now.”

This guy had a really quick temper.

None of the said anything else until the destination.

 

Spock’s Parents had a lovely one-floor house, made of stone. His mother, a beautiful Terran woman, greeted them from the doorway:

“Welcome! It is such a delight to see someone from Earth, it has been such a long time. Come on in! I am Amanda.”

“Hello, Ma’am. Leonard McCoy” – he introduced himself, shy all of a sudden, as he entered, followed by his Vulcan Master with dark, possessive eyes.

“Please, call me Amanda! My husband will be with us in a moment. Spock, may I call him Leonard?”

“Yes”, Spock agreed.

Leonard thought that was strange, but did not comment. Seconds after, Spock’s Father also joined them: a tall, beautiful Vulcan male, with the same dark-chocolate eyes.

“I am Sarek”, he introduced himself. “Welcome to our house.”

“Leonard”, he introduced himself again. “Good to meet you, Sir.”

“Oh, have a seat already, I have made some croissants for you, Leonard, he said, and strawberry jam. Do you like Earl Grey tea?”

“I love it, it’s my favourite, wow, this is like a vacation”, Leonard said enthusiastically. He could not remember the last time he ate croissants and real, homemade jam. “Perhaps we could make pancakes one of these days.”

“Oh I love pancakes!” – she said with equal enthusiasm. “I am just not very good at this. I am the _baking_ kind.”

“I will make them”, Leonard said, and looked at Spock. “What do you say, Master?”

The word sounded natural now, as if it was Spock’s real name. He was not paying attention to Spock’s Father, but the old Vulcan was observing him carefully, his every word and gesture, as if he was mapping his mental landscape.

“Pancakes?” – Spock asked with curiosity.

“It’s… they’re… you’ll see!” – Amanda said cheerfully, already planning that wonderful pancake afternoon to come. Their son’s Terran guest (prisoner?) was lovely.

“Join me for a moment in my office, Son”, Sarek said to Spock.

Spock stood up and gave Leonard a rather gloomy look, that meant _be good_ , _stay here_ , _you are my prisoner, mine,_ and other unspoken things. Leonard gave him a smile in return. The Vulcan left, with obvious reluctance.

“Come now”, Amanda said pleasantly. “We have a garden with a mixture of Vulcan and Terran plants. How much has it been since you have seen a real rose?”

“Ages”, Leonard confessed, and followed her out.

Amanda took his arm and they walked on the shadowy alleys, among the roses and lilies and the unknown Vulcan plants.

“Can I take a few readings? Ohmygo- is that a real calla lily??”

“It sure is.”

“This flower,” Leonard said kneeling near it, with tears gathering – “this flower is my favourite. Look at it! It has the shape of a soul, pure, with smooth shapes – quite illogical, isn’t it?”

“I am not Vulcan, my dear Leonard”, she said with a smile. “So I can certainly understand you.”

Leonard bent down and kissed the delicate flower – the gesture melted Amanda’s heart. She thought this human was one of the most gentle she had ever met. Such reverence for all life – even for plants – was indeed exceptional. Leonard himself was a rare flower.

“Does my son treat you well?”

“He does”, Leonard said, taking readings of a bright pink flower.

“If things change, call me.”

“How could I call you?” – he asked, not really paying attention to her.

“You only need to ask the computer to connect a call to Amanda Grayson. Or, ask for a connection to the private channel 46.”

“Okay, thanks. But I am sure I will not need it. I got 8 more days to stay here and so far things are smooth.”

“What does he ask of you?”

“Submission”, he said, taking more readings of other strange plants.

“It is difficult, I know. That is the way Vulcans are. It is even more important than love.”

That got Leonard’s attention.

“Really? Why?”

“They draw their life-essence out of another being’s submission. When someone submits to them properly, there is a certain… harmony, a mental energy that is generated – just like falling in love would make you feel all dizzy and distracted…”

“Yeah. I know what you mean, that harmony thing. It feels good.”

“You are the first one to say this.”

“He told me others did not ‘resist’.”

“They didn’t.”

“Why? He does not ask for such impossible things.”

“He does not?” – Amanda asked with genuine surprise.

 

Spock returned to the living room, Leonard and his mother were not there. He looked around, concern and panic starting to build, _what if he left?_

“Where would he leave, my son? You are not being rational.”

“But where is he?”

“In the garden, with your mother.”

Spock waited for no more indications and went straight to them. He spotted them whispering to each other as if they had been friends for a lifetime.

Leonard turned his head towards Spock and smiled.

The Vulcan took his arm, pulling him closer to him. There was need in his gestures, a certain unsatisfied thirst and possessiveness.

“Spock”, Amanda said. “I have decided. Come back tomorrow afternoon and we’ll have a pancakes party.”

“Very well, Mother. Come along, Leonard”,

Once again in their vehicle, Leonard waited for Spock to reconnect the seat-belt without any other comments. The Master seemed in a dark mood.

“What is the matter?” – he asked. “Your Dad was upset about something?”

“He was not pleased.”

“At me?”

“At the situation. He dislikes the idea of prisoners.”

“I can surely understand him. One does not simply take prisoners all day long.”

A heavy silence settled between them.

“Master?”

“Yes, Leonard?”

Leonard contemplated the echoes of that simple dialogue in his own soul. Emotions reflected through the bond, all the way to Spock and back, enriched with the Vulcan’s own desire to have his submission.

“I am here, despite of what your Dad thinks.”

“For now” Spock added. “But you will leave.”

“Well, yes, we had an agreement. But I will leave 8 days from now. So let’s make the best out of them. If you want and… uh… need my submission, you’ll have it. Just no _weird stuff_ in bed.”

“You may sleep on the couch, Leonard, if that worries you so.”

“No, I just – give me your word. I am sure you could do anything you wanted to me in bed, you must have, what, 3 times my strength?”

“I could. But I will not. I am not interested in having sex with you.”

“Then I am totally cool with sleeping in the same bed with you, and melding, and all the rest of things you want to do. Okay? And I am not going to run. Or try to escape. Or other normal stuff prisoners attempt to do.”

“ _Totally – cool_ ”?

Oh boy, Leonard thought. Vulcans!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have updated earlier.  
> But really, the next update would be at 1,000. 
> 
> Favourite butterflies-in-the-stomach moment?
> 
> Flower link:  
> http://www.oocities.org/edelweissmedia/imgf04.jpg

On the third day, Leonard knelt to greet Spock in the morning: correctly, with both his knees down, and smiled at him.

“Good morning, Master”, he said.

Spock turned towards him, his eyes were no longer dark, but bright and luminous like the sunrise, and Leonard could not remember the last time he had seen something more beautiful.

“Good morning, Leonard,” the Vulcan said, touching the psi points and engulfing his mind in acceptance and approval – he was doing _things right_.

“Want to come in for tea?” – he asked, his cheeks slightly colouring in red.

“With pleasure.”

Spock joined him inside; Leonard waited for him to sit down, then brought in tea and cookies and sat down himself. He was aware all his gestures were being analysed and catalogued, and he had learnt by now when the Master was pleased and when he was not. He had seven more days to stay in this ‘prison’ and he wanted to make the most out of them. He felt good here; washing the floors was in no way a difficult activity; he slept well, without nightmares, he ate healthier, the air was pure and strong, there were Edelweiss flowers everywhere.

He wondered what his team did with the ten flowers he had sent on the Enterprise.

“Mmmmmaster?” – he purred, when the Vulcan moved to the couch to drink his tea.

“Yes, Leonard?”

“I’d like to contact my ship and see if they had any success in isolating the serum.”

“This is not how you formulate a request.”

Leonard rolled his eyes:

“God help me…”

He put everything away from the table and cleaned it – oh how he loved order! – and went to him, sitting down on the clean floor, at his feet. Spock was watching him with his usual curiosity.

“Can I contact my ship, please?”

No answer.

“I take it, I need more practice.”

“Try again.”

“May I contact my ship, please, Master?”

“You may”, the answer came, together with that good feeling he sensed whenever the Master was pleased.

It’s basic English, McCoy! – he thought. In basic, correct British English, which means – in Standard English, you ask for permission using the modal verb _may_. Add that on your mental list, you idiot!

Leonard stood up, picked his communicator and returned.

“McCoy to Captain Kirk, come in please.”

“Bones! Oh God, are you okay? What happened! We are monitoring your vitals all the time and you seem okay. What’s wrong? Do you need me to – “

“Calm down, kid, I’m fine. I called to check on you guys and to see if there’s been any progress on the serum.”

“Everything is fine here; your presence is sorely missed. No progress on the serum. I guess the MedBay does not simply function without you.”

“I’ll call you back. McCoy out.”

Spock frowned as he perceived his worry through the bond.

“What is the matter, Leonard?”

“They are incapable of synthesizing the anti-Phage serum out of the plants we’ve sent up.”

“Why are they incapable?”

“Because they are bad scientists, that is why”, he said angrily. “Listen, this is important. They are unable to do it. I must isolate the formula myself. Please let me, return to the ship. They’ve got no time to lose. The disease is spreading – “

“You will not.”

“How about you come with me? I’ll get the formula done, then we can return.”

“Stand up and follow me.”

This was a delicate situation. Leonard did as asked and followed Spock. He pressed a few controls on a wall and a door – which he had not noticed so far – opened. A medium-sized laboratory was on the other side, fully-equipped with the most sophisticated and sensitive medical and scientific instruments. Leonard remained at the door, puzzled, not believing his eyes.

“Come on in.”

Leonard took a few more steps in, looking around.

“Wow. What are you doing with all these – what – who are you, in fact?”

“You already know who I am, Leonard. As for what I am doing the answer is quite simple – scientific experiments. We have a Science Academy here, where I have studied biology and astrophysics.”

Leonard gave him a very cautious look.

“Why haven’t you told me?”

“You have not asked. And it was not really relevant. However, you may use my equipment and isolate the necessary formula here.”

Leonard touched the molecular scanner with reverence, as if he was touching a sacred statue.

“You have incredible equipment here. How did you even obtain them? Your race is rather secretive.”

“My Father, Sarek, is the ruler and the ambassador of our world.”

“Oh. Ohhh!!!!!” – Leonard exclaimed. “You are – the king’s son??”

“You could say that. Although, he is not what you would call a _king_. He is the elder of our society, he has lived for more than a century and his wisdom is unmatched.”

“I am, wow. I mean… right, riiiight.”

“You may work for a few hours here”, he said, reprogramming the door console so that Leonard could enter and leave the laboratory whenever he wanted.

“I will need a few flowers. Is that okay? Or you will prolong my stay here for any flower I pick?”

“That thought is certainly appealing, but I will do no such thing. I will bring you flowers in a moment.”

The Vulcan returned with a few healthy Edelweiss flowers, fully bloomed, and deposed them on a tray.

“Thank you, Master”, he said, his eyes already glued to a microscope.

“You are welcome.” – Spock said, heading towards the door.

Leonard panicked slightly – what was with him, anyway?

“W-where are you going?”

“Into the living-room. Come there when you are finished or need a break.”

“Okay, thanks. Could you send a message to my ship, to tell them I’ll get the formula done?”

“Very well.”

 

Leonard worked for a few hours, and managed to postulate a first draft of the formula. It was very satisfying; however, it had to be tested upon a patient, and he was sure as hell that Spock will not let him travel to Earth and take a few sick people with him, or even better, allow him to remain there in order to perform experiments, before his days were due. Oh well, he had only one week left. He could do comparative research as he already had deep knowledge of the way the Phage affected the body and could get closer to a response. Yes, he could do that. But after a break.

He washed his hands and went to the living room, gazing around. Spock was on his couch, leaned against a fluffy pillow, reading.

He went to him and silently cuddled at his feet. He felt his own mind settling down, as if time would have slowed down and all the worries temporarily vanished.

The Vulcan extended one hand and played with his rebel hair for a while, resting it on his shoulder after a few moments. None of them said something; he was still reading, and Leonard was thinking about a better way to test the formula.

He felt good there, at the Master’s feet. He did not feel humiliated by his place, on the contrary; he felt that all the complicated worries and troubles had been taken away from him, and life simplified spectacularly; now he was only doing what he was told. He was not responsible for anything else. It felt liberating.

He did not even flinch when Spock’s fingers aligned on his face, and he once again felt the alien presence in his mind. He had gotten used to the melds and even missed them. How will he endure their absence, once he would be back on the Enterprise?

That particular thought scared him. He was well aware that Spock would perceive it. But then again, he couldn’t really keep secrets from him. The Master had a direct channel to his mind.

“Stay with me here”, Spock said.

“What?”

“Stay with me. Here. Forever.”

“Is that… an order?” – he asked, and his heart sank.

“No, Leonard. It is… a proposition.”

“But you barely know me.”

“I know you better than anyone. I also know that the thought is appealing to you.”

“I can’t. I am a Starfleet Officer. I must return to my ship and to my duty.”

“And to James Kirk.”

“Him too. He is my Captain.”

“He is more than that.”

“Yes he is. He is my best friend.”

Spock frowned. A mild wave of jealousy passed through the bond.

“ _Best – friend_?”

“Yes. Best friend. Do you not have a best friend?”

“I do not. What is a _best friend_?”

“A best friend is the person whom you trust completely. The person who will always come for you and you would always go for. The person you can drink with in the dirtiest pubs. The person you can tell the most horrifying secrets to. A person you can share a bed with, you can mix t-shirts, share food on the same plate. A person whom you can call an idiot, or a pig, and he would take that as a compliment. A person who knows everything about you and still loves you.”

“Therefore, not a mate.”

“No, not a mate. Having a best friend is not about sex.”

“I understand. And he is all this to you?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

“I can understand why you can’t have a best friend, however. You are born to be a master, just like I was born to be a doctor, and Jim – a starship captain.”

“Perhaps. Therefore, you decline my proposition.” – Spock said, his eyes progressively darkening.

“Look, we both knew this from day one. I belong there, no matter how – good it feels to be here, with you.”

A short silence settled.

“You do not _belong_ there. You belong here, at my feet. You only work there, on that ship.”

Leonard tried to dispute this, but his mind was empty of any arguments.

“Are you happy now, Leonard?”

“You can see for yourself, can’t you?” – Leonard smiled, as the Vulcan was still probing his mind.

“I can, yes, however, there are things I would rather hear.”

“Yes, it feels very good. I have never been this happy.”

“Me neither”, Spock whispered, and gently broke the meld. “Come now. My Mother is waiting for us for the pancakes party. What are those pancakes?”

Leonard started to giggle.

“I can’t wait to see you eating them.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edelweiss flowers from New Zealand:  
> http://www.teara.govt.nz/files/p-11048-pc.jpg
> 
> Do you still enjoy this story? I can stop if it annoys you.  
> That being said,  
> Will update at 1,200.

“Leonard, darling!” – Amanda exclaimed joyously. “I am so happy to see you again.”

“It is a pleasure to see you again as well, Madam”, he said politely. Gosh, was he about to make pancakes with a queen?

“Oh, Leonard, please, call me Amanda, as I have asked you yesterday!”

“But Spock told me that you are – I mean, you and Mr. Sarek – are the leaders of your – of this planet”.

Damn, he could not form a full sentence anymore. Especially when Sarek was gazing at him from a short distance.

“Oh, it is of no consequence. Come on. I have prepared all the tools in the kitchen.”

Leonard instinctively turned towards Spock, waiting for his permission. Another gesture that had been instantly catalogued by the three pairs of eyes watching him.

“May I go, Master?” – he asked, carefully choosing the words, aware of Spock’s mild jealousy and immense possessiveness.

“You may”, the brief answer came, and Leonard followed a very excited lady into the kitchen.

Sarek came closer to his son.

“You are becoming more and more emotionally attached to this human, Spock.”

Spock gave him a dark look. He was about to be given a lecture and there was nothing he could do about it.

“What will you do when he leaves?”

“I… do not know”, Spock confessed, and he was being completely honest. He was trying not to think too much of the moment.

“I have told you, my son, that taking prisoners is a dangerous and immoral thing to do. If you want to obtain another being’s submission, this is the wrong way. You are forcing him to give you something that he does not want, and he can’t give.”

“What are you talking about, Father? Leonard is submitting to me out of his own will.”

“And seven days from now? Again free-willingly, he shall return to his ship and forget about you forever.”

“Perhaps”, Spock said evasively.

“My son”, Sarek said, on a slightly menacing tone – “you will not harm this human and endanger our already fragile relations with the Federation and Starfleet.”

“I have no intention of harming Leonard, Father.”

Spock’s eyes were now completely dark.

“What are your intentions, then, my son?”

“My current intentions resume to going to the kitchen to observe the pancakes procedure.”

Sarek knew it was useless to try and convince his son be logical about the current situation. His <prisoner> had indeed exceptional manners and was submitting correctly to him, with all the gestures of reverence, as if he had been given a list of rules (who knows, maybe his son did provide Leonard a list of rules, he was totally capable of doing that). He always looked at him for permission, he was addressing him politely, he was not speaking much nonsense (as humans generally did, and oh, were they tiresome!), and seemed to be fair about the entire ‘experiment’. He had not tried to run even once, which was a good – no, an exceptional sign. This type of submission – and not the exterior gestures, but the inner feeling of which the gestures were born – was what fed the Vulcan soul. They needed such a being in their life, even more than they needed a mate. It was what gave them balance and allowed them to grow and develop into the exceptional individuals. They would gladly give up choosing a mate in order to find a submissive life partner.

Sarek was an exception. He had met Amanda during a visit on Earth, some 35 years ago. It had been love at first sight. He had taken her with him on Vulcan, and she had given him a son, Spock. As he was the unanimously accepted leader of Vulcan, Sarek had the submission of an entire race, so his need for it was satisfied to some degree. Amanda was not a submissive being; she was exuberant and happy, a bundle of energy even at 60 Terran years old; their love was still fresh and strong, just like the first day. He had always been amazed by the humans’ ability to love beyond any boundaries. When he made an inquiry as to how was this possible, Amanda had answered – _One does not simply love a Vulcan. Loving a Vulcan takes forever._ While he doubted either of them would live forever, he was grateful for the immensity of her love.

Leonard was sifting some ingredients in a large bowl, with Amanda gazing over his shoulder and laughing.

“Spock!” – she exclaimed joyfully. “I think I will steal this adorable human from you. Look at this!”

Leonard flipped the pancake, by expertly moving the pan left to right, which made Amanda giggle uncontrollably.

Spock’s eyes widened. He had never seen food being prepared by such… abrupt gestures. Those pancakes were supposed to briefly fly through the air? He came closer, his black robe being suddenly covered in a dust of flour.

“Ouch! Sorry ‘bout that, Master. You shouldn’t come into the kitchen at such times.”

“Ah don’t worry, you two. I have an extra-robe around here somewhere, Spock, as for your Leonard, I am sure I can find a t-shirt.”

“Have no worries, Ma’ – I mean, Amanda, I have brought a new t-shirt and a robe for my Master myself.”

“Wonderful! Then, Spock, by all means get closer, a little flour and eggs have not harmed anyone.”

Spock was surprised, he did not know Leonard had brought extra clothes for both of them. He thought Leonard was treating him very good. And he loved the way _your Leonard_ sounded. A part of the heaviness in his soul lifted. _His_ Leonard was cooking pancakes with his Mother. They were happy and laughing.

“With your permission, Master, your lovely Mother will have the first pancake.”

“Ahhh, I can’t wait, I can’t wait!” – she giggled.

“Certainly”, he said, coming closer to them, his dark hair now full of flour, which made Leonard giggle as well, and he experimentally ran one hand through his Master’s hair, to clean it up a bit.

Spock gave him an adorably confused look and caught his wrist. Leonard smiled at him, completely relaxing his hand, in a gesture that meant _it is yours, I am yours_. Those words were now forming more and more often in his mind and he kept on pushing them away.

Spock inhaled deeply, under the pressure of a sudden emotion, feeling Leonard compliant in his hands, after which he sneezed, which made Amanda laugh uncontrollably. That woman seemed to find everything very amusing, because most of the time she was either giggling, or laughing. Leonard could not help but wondering what her life was like with Sarek, who – as his son, seemed a marble statue, for which a smile was as rare as a solar eclipse.

Amanda rolled a pancake and took a big bite:

“Wow”, she said with her mouth full. “Vih ih amaving”.

“I think this food deteriorates the ability to speak”, Spock said.

It was Leonard’s turn to laugh and pulled a chair for his Master, waiting for him to sit down.

“But are we not going to eat them in the dining room?”

“Nooooo, pancakes must be eaten in the kitchen, on a messy table. It’s a ritual. Where’s your dad, won’t he join us?”

“Right here”, Sarek said from the door, contemplating the disaster in their kitchen.

“Come on, have a seat then. I’ll fill those with that fabulous strawberry jam and you can eat.”

Sarek sat down near his son, who seemed to be less tense. Looking around, he had to admit he could not remember the last time there had been so much joy and laughter in their house. Their guest did not know, but Amanda was not usually so cheerful, as she missed the presence of human companions and she often felt alone. They loved each other enormously, yes, but that was not enough. She also missed Spock, who had chosen to live alone, high on the mountain. He could not help but wondering what will happen when Leonard McCoy will leave. To all of them.

Leonard deposed an impressive tower of pancakes on the table and sat down near Spock. When he saw the two Vulcans attempting to use a fork and a knife, he removed them from their hands with mock horror:

“Noooo, no, no! Absolutely not! You must use only your fingers!”

“But we will get dirty”, Sarek protested.

“And? You will wash your hands afterwards.”

“Highly illogical…”

Spock tried the experimental food – to his huge surprise it tasted very good, sweet, with a soft texture, extremely satiating, he was quite sure he could eat ten without even blinking.

Sarek also tried one circumspectly, holding it preciously with both hands and analysing it first. Leonard leaned his forehead against Spock’s shoulder, laughing and laughing. When Sarek stated that it was the absolute best thing he had ever eaten, Leonard actually felt proud of himself.

At last, Amanda cleaned the table with a wet cloth and brought them fresh lemonade.

“We should do this again before you leave, Leonard”, she said.

Leonard looked at Spock, whose eyes had suddenly darkened upon hearing the word _leave_. He silently took Leonard’s hand, holding his wrist tightly, possessively. There was no way this human would leave, and his thought reflected through his bond with Leonard, making him shiver. Leonard had to leave, seven days from now. It was a reality that was tearing Spock’s mind and soul apart.

“We could try a pirate dinner”, Leonard suggested, to chase the dark thoughts away.

“ _Pirate – dinner?”_ – Spock’s eyes widened, and not only his.

“Well, yeah, pirate dinner.”

“Is it messy?” – Amanda wanted to know.

“Very.”

“Excellent! Tomorrow night?”

“If my Master agrees”, Leonard suggested with deference.

Those words, _my Master_ , were hurting him.

Spock took his other hand, keeping both of them rather tightly. He needed to feel –

He needed, he wanted to feel Leonard completely in his power, he needed to see and feel his submission – he absolutely had to –

“My son”, Sarek spoke – “may I remind you that he is a Doctor. Do not break his hands. Humans are very delicate and their bone structure is much different from ours.”

Spock looked at Leonard – he did not realize he was hurting him, because no sound of protest came from his prisoner. He released him nonetheless.

“Come, it is late, I am tired. I think I have eaten too many of these canpapes.”

Leonard collapsed laughing, and so did Amanda, it was most definitely one of the most hilarious evenings any of them had ever lived.

 

They were on their way home, it was already dark. Spock reduced the speed, they were in no hurry.

“Did you have a good time?” – Leonard asked him.

“I did.”

“Why are you sad now?”

“I am not sad. I am merely contemplating the near future.”

“And…?” – Leonard asked, with a trembling heart.

“And, nothing. You will leave, and I will have to get back to my previous way of living. Someday, I hope I will be able to find someone who will stay with me forever.”

Jealousy split Leonard’s soul in two. Wait, what? McCoy, get a hold of yourself. You are not going to develop the Stockholm syndrome here. You are a prisoner, you will do this job properly; then you will leave. This is not your place.

Yes, this was not his place.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flower is from here:  
> http://www.chalets-edelweiss.it/images/xx_default-slide_bg.jpg
> 
> Will update soon.

“Leonard. Leonard. Le-o-nard?”

“M?”

“Look at me.”

“Not now, Master.”

Exasperated, Spock pulled a chair and sat down. He had already learnt there was no way of removing Leonard from the microscope, once he was on to something.

“Damn you, damn you!” – Leonard cursed the molecular structure. He pushed the microscope away and rubbed his red eyes. Then he stood up, arranged his clothes, came to Spock and knelt. He was doing this easily now, without feeling pain or shame, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Forgive me, Master.”

“You are infuriating at times.”

“Yes. And there are little chances I change in the remaining five days.”

There were only five days left. Spock preferred not to think of the separation and just enjoy the present moments. Leonard was spending a few hours each day in his Laboratory, trying to isolate the vaccine for the Phage; he was stuck in a particular stage of the research, close to the breakthrough. But as soon as the molecular structure of the vaccine collided with the virus, it would disintegrate. Leonard was exasperated and helpless, but ingeniously researched other methods of stabilisation.

“My opinion, Leonard, is that the temperature causes the vaccine to lose efficiency. You need a different type of stabilizer. Allow me to show you. Come, stand up and show me the molecular chain.”

Leonard looked at the Master with rather unsure eyes. What could this Vulcan – who lived up on the mountain – teach him about molecular structures and vaccine stabilizers? It was close to ridiculous.

“You may find out, dear Leonard, that I am still holding a few surprises…”

Spock sat on the chair in front of the microscope and looked at the compound for a few seconds only. Since Leonard had also sat down on a nearby chair, he pulled him closer, instinctively circling his wrist with his fingers – Leonard had already developed bruises, but he could not care less.

“Enlighten me”, Leonard said, on a rather insolent tone.

“Let us review what we know about vaccines. A vaccine contains an antigen and a stabilizer.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. Doh!

Spock ignored such displays of superiority.

“While you have impeccably isolated the antigen, which should trigger the immune response, your problem is that it disintegrates too fast. That is because the temperature of the human body is too high for this type of antigen, and you require a different type of stabilizer.”

Leonard’s attention was now completely focused on him. The Master surely knew what he was talking about, he was no makeshift scientist.

“The vaccine you have created is a bacterial vaccine, the antigen of which you have extracted from the _Leontopodium alpinum_ flowers. This type of vaccines becomes unstable because of hydrolysis and the aggregation of protein and carbohydrate molecules. Therefore, you need a MgCl 2 stabilizer, and a method to reduce the body temperature between 34 and 35 degrees Celsius before inoculation.”

Leonard was staring at him in disbelief.

“…Leonard?”

“Hhhmmm? Yes. Yes! Omaygad, yes. Totally yes. You are completely right, it was right in front of my eyes, how could I have been so blind??” – he exclaimed, turning towards the nearby console and transmitting structures of various chemicals to be replicated for testing.

“Sometimes we fail to see what is right in front of us”, Spock said with sadness.

While the substances were being prepared for further experiments, he extended his hand, to touch Spock’s.

“May I?”

Rather unsure of Leonard’s intentions, Spock gave him his hand – it was the first time Leonard was initiating a contact of any sort.

Leonard knelt again, took his hand and kissed it, barely touching it with his lips.

The blast of emotion that went from one end of the bond to the other shook both of them. Spock grabbed him violently by his hair, and connected a deep, powerful, strong meld, probing his mind, the darkest corners of it. This being was his, completely his – yet he could not have him. He felt anger and helplessness and he had no idea how he will live without Leonard McCoy.

“I also… do not know”, Leonard whispered.

Spock closed his eyes, fighting hard against the instinct to make the bond permanent, to bind this human to him forever. He had grown to respect him; he was a loyal, intelligent, charming being; he could not force him to stay here.

“Can’t you come with me?”

“Where, Leonard…?”

“On the Enterprise. I can easily arrange it with Jim.”

“And do what?”

“Work in the science department. And… be with me.”

“Leonard… I am the only heir of my father, and the next to rule over this world. I cannot leave.”

“And I cannot stay.”

“When does your contract with Starfleet expire?”

“In 30 years…”

He released him and stormed out of the Lab; he needed to calm his thoughts, or the consequences could be most unfortunate.

 

He returned one hour later, to find Leonard gazing at the console, seemingly unable to focus.

“Leonard?”

“Hm? Yes, Master?”

“My Mother is waiting for us for the _pirate-dinner_.”

“Oh. Yes. That will be fun. Let me get you an extra-robe.”

 

“Leonard!! Darling!!”

“Amanda!!” – Leonard copied her enthusiasm. This adorable lady was capable to chase any sad state of mind away.

“Listen, I didn’t know what to prepare.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll get everything ready, you just get some beer, but we must drink it from mugs. No fancy glasses or I don’t know what.”

“Great! Do you need any help in the kitchen?”

“None whatsoever.”

Leonard turned towards Spock, to obtain his permission for going to the kitchen.

“Go, Leonard. I will join you soon.”

“Thank you, Master.”

Spock went to greet his Father in the garden. Sarek was wearing a beautiful brown robe and he was gazing at their pond. There were water lilies and other aquatic plants, some of them fully bloomed.

“Greetings, Father.”

“Hello, Spock. It is very good to see you. How is Leonard?”

“He is cooking. I came by to salute you.”

“I was hoping you would come to seek for my advice.”

“Regarding what, Father?”

“Regarding the _situation_.”

“To what situation are you referring, Father?”

“To the _Leonard_ situation.”

“Does his presence here disturb you, Father?”

Sarek placed his hand on his arm, with obvious care and concern.

“You know very well it is not that. I am deeply worried. Your attachment to him seems to be… reciprocal… and he will have to leave soon. What will you do? And moreover, what will HE do?”

“He will… resume his life, and this is it.”

“Spock, it is imperative that you do not harm this human. He is someone important in Starfleet, I have checked his record. He is intelligent beyond average, a very important scientist, he has found cures for many diseases, and his scientific insight in many matters is unmatched.”

“Father, why do you keep bringing this up? I have no intention in harming Leonard.”

“No, but you will do everything in your power to keep him. I know how this works, my son. I know how reason darkens when we are about to face the imminent separation from our submissive partner. I have _been there._ ”

“What are you saying, Father?” – Spock asked, not without surprise. “My Mother is in no way submissive and I know for sure you do not have another such partner in your life.”

“There was someone, long, long ago, way before I met your Mother.”

“…who?”

“His name was AnJoan Grey.”

“I have never heard of this being. What is he, or she? And where…? Why…?

“He is Reman.”

“…Reman? From the planet Remus?”

“Yes.”

“…and what happened?”

“He could not adapt to this climate. He would have died here. He lives in a below zero environment; he is an arctic creature.”

“Is he still alive?”

“Affirmative. The Remans live for a very long time.”

“And… the separation?”

“He wanted to stay here, but he would have died near me. I sent him away, and that was my last command to him. The separation was like pulling the very heart out of my chest and throwing it to be eaten by the le-matyas. I have, as humans say, gone mad. For two years I have been unable to do my job, to even venture out of the house. It is much worse than losing a mate. I have lost the essence of my life that day.”

Spock remained silent for a while, contemplating his Father’s words. He had not been aware that Sarek had lived through such a personal tragedy.

“I will not go mad, Father.”

“My son… this is, believe me, worse than Ponn Farr. You have no control over it. Remember this, if you bring any harm to him, I will not forgive you.”

Spock listened silently to that warning; he turned around and left to the kitchen; his Father’s words kept resounding in his ear. _I will not forgive you._

 

Leonard had removed the fancy silk table cloth and covered it with newspapers – he had purposely replicated them – thin paper and tiny fonts, telling stories about trivial matters. Amanda was happily fidgeting around him, thrilled and feeling like a lady-pirate already.

He summoned them around the table:

“Since we are all vegetarian, I replaced the traditional pirate dishes, which consisted mostly of fish, with vegetables, tofu, mushrooms and polenta.”

He placed the freshly baked polenta directly on the table, brought along onions cut in 4 and the other dishes in little small ceramic pottery.

“Now remember, all these must be eaten using fingers only. No other tools are allowed. No plates. Directly on the newspaper.”

“But it is so messy”, Sarek complained.

“Yes!!” Amanda approved enthusiastically and took a slice of polenta with onions.

“This was the way pirates ate, while at sea. They did not have any tools, yet they were they were the healthiest and strongest beings that existed – a little like you, Vulcans.”

Sarek seemed to appreciate the compliment.

“The seas were often stormy,” Leonard continued, as if he was reading bedtime stories to a bunch of kids – and was it not true after all? – “and the boat was leaning on one side, then on the other,” he added, exemplifying the move with his own body and kicking Spock’s shoulder, making him spill beer on the already messy newspaper. He repeated the procedure with Amanda, who was more than thrilled to add to the mess and find a reason to giggle some more.

“Le – “

“Yes, Master, I have brought an extra-robe. Therefore, they had to eat food that would provide them with sensation that were far stronger than those offered by the agitated sea” – and with that, he offered chilli peppers to Sarek, who took a big bite and turned green – “have some beer, it will clean that.”

Sarek wiped his tears away – were there from a sudden blast of sad memories of from the chilli peppers, no one could really tell.

“One night, a group of pirates…”

Spock leaned his head on his elbow, eating bits of the unusual food and gazing at Leonard as he was telling the story of Blackbeard the Pirate. He wanted to have this human forever. He needed him. He – needed – him. He closed his eyes. He could not have him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flower link:  
> http://images.summitpost.org/original/431559.JPG
> 
> Will update soon. This is very painful to write.

A perfect day.

They were living a perfect day, without much words spoken.

Leonard’s time with Spock would end tomorrow at dawn. But today, he was still here and he was determined to make the most out of it.

He had barely slept the night before, preferring to focus his attention upon the long meld that Spock would connect when they rested.

His presence inside his mind: strong, steady, a solid rock upon which he felt he could build anything. The foundation of his life. Their bond, temporary as it was, connecting a master and his submissive partner. Their bond, like a pillar of fire, burning, burning.

Such beauty and perfection – it hurt.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep for a few moments, dreaming splendid dreams in which no one would ever separate them.

When he woke up, Spock was no longer in bed. He got out of the bed himself, showered and shaved, and put on clean clothes. He went to the living-room and swept the floor with care, then he washed it with clean water.

He loved the smell of the wet wooden floor.

He prepared breakfast and coffee and went outside.

Spock was meditating, his face towards the sun which was rising; his head was bowed, unlike other days.

He knelt:

“Good morning, Master…”

Spock turned towards him – his eyes a tone darker. He aligned his fingers on his face.

“Good morning, Leonard.”

Leonard waited, while their minds touched once more. There was restrained violence in Spock’s consciousness, as well as overwhelming possessiveness, making both their minds cringe and hurt.

Leonard decided against speaking. He felt Spock’s hand on the back of his neck, as if he wanted to hold him firmly in place; he felt the meld deepening and probing his every thought. He surrendered to the Master’s will.

Spock ended the meld after a long while, the sun was already up.

Leonard kissed his hand with unhidden devotion – he was now doing this after each meld, because it was a privilege to have your mind touched by such a Being. There were moments when he would have kissed the air that Spock breathed.

Did he love him? No, he did not. Love was too little a word. He adored and worshipped him.

“Inside.” – Spock said.

They stood up and went inside; Leonard kept the chair for Spock to sit down and sat down himself only after Spock made a small gesture that meant he could. They ate without speaking; Spock went to the couch to drink his coffee.

Leonard put everything away and cleaned the table.

He went and cuddled at his feet.

Spock left one hand rest on Leonard’s head, occasionally playing with the rebel locks of his hair.

“May I review our work on my tricorder, Master?” – he asked.

“You may”, the Master said, and handed him the tool which was near him on the couch.

The vaccine for the phage was ready. He had a stable formula with complete specifications and an auxiliary treatment, plus a few dozes to be multiplied quicker. They would go straight to the Lab of Starfleet Headquarters where the process of treating those who had been affected by the disease would start immediately.

But that was going to happen tomorrow.

Today, he was still here.

The hours were passing quickly.

He hated it.

Spock lifted his chin with one finger, looking deeply into his eyes. There was longing there – there was adoration. How would he be able to let him leave?

He started a new meld, both closed their eyes under the sudden blast of emotion that followed the joining of their minds. The temporary bond was there, it should have started to wither already, by itself, as it had been placed for a determined duration of ten days. Instead, it was as bright and strong as in the first day.

Fascinating – Spock thought.

It would hurt very much when the time to remove it will come. Removing a bond – removing the bond that was the life itself for a Vulcan – how would he survive?

Leonard’s communicator buzzed, startling both of them. Leonard even suppressed a few unmentionable words.

Spock took it as it was within his arm’s reach and answered himself:

“Spock here.”

“Um, hello, this is Captain Kirk. Greetings. Could I beam down? There is something of great importance we need to discuss.”

“You may. Come unarmed.”

“Of course, of course… Kirk out.”

Leonard looked at him quizzically.

“Jim’s coming?”

“Affirmative.”

“Oh… I wonder what it is…”

Spock gave him a dark look – he disliked the interruption from James Kirk and he sensed that Leonard was in agreement.

“You will keep your place, because _that_ is your place, and you will not speak without my permission. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Master”, he whispered, shifting his gaze downwards.

Jim Kirk arrived minutes later.

Leonard was on the floor at Spock’s feet, looking like a scared child who was about to be pulled away from his parents.

Jim looked at him, then at the Vulcan – the situation looked dangerous, like a bomb ready to explode. He decided to avoid addressing his friend for now.

“Well, good morning… um… I am afraid I have some disturbing news. Our ship has been summoned on the Neutral Zone, due to a Romulan offensive and we must leave at once. I know Leonard’s time expires tomorrow at dawn, but we must really go now, so that we can drop him off on Earth, with the cure to the Phage. I am really sorry.”

Spock felt his blood freeze - no, his entire being freoze, as if being suddenly transported to a polar region. It was the most horrible feeling. Leonard was going to be taken away from him – and that, earlier than expected. No. He could not have this.

He instinctively took a firm grip of Leonard’s wrist.

“If I understand correctly, Leonard needs to be on Earth by tomorrow, and you are heading towards the Neutral Zone.”

“Yes, Sir”, Kirk answered deferentially.

“Leonard’s time with me expires tomorrow, and I will not have him leave before that under any circumstances. However, I will take him to Earth myself, tomorrow at dawn.”

“You – you have a ship?”

“I have a Condor-class shuttle.”

“And – and how will I know that – that – “

“Leonard, you may tell him who I am.”

Leonard looked up, he seemed completely uninterested in the discussion so far.

“Oh? Spock is the King’s son. I mean, his Father, Sarek, rules over this planet. He is not exactly a… king, but anyway. He is the ruler of this world.”

“Oh,” Jim said, looking at the Vulcan with renewed interest. The King’s son, how strange. “Well, in that case… if I may have your word that Leonard will be on Earth tomorrow by 12 PM, standard time… with the cure… I have no objections!”

“So be it”, Spock said, realizing that his time with Leonard was just being unexpectedly prolonged. His joy reflected through the bond all the way to Leonard.

“Bones, you’ll wait for us at Starfleet HQ; as soon as we are done in the Neutral Zone, we’ll come pick you up.”

Faithful to his promise, and because he really, really did not want to screw anything up in his last day there, Leonard said nothing – he merely looked at Spock for permission.

“You may answer”, Spock said, obviously pleased at his behaviour.

“Okay, Jim.”

“Right!” – Jim said, because things were really awkward there, between the two, he wondered what the hell was happening, but they did monitor Leonard’s condition all the while and he had been in absolutely no distress. “Well, thanks! I’ll… see you later.”

Jim left.

 

Leonard kissed Spock’s hand.

“We will have four more hours together”, Spock said, as if his death had just been postponed.

“Yes”, Leonard smiled.

The Vulcan’s eyes were brighter.

“Couldn’t you... you know… stay on Earth for a while? With me?”

“I cannot, Leonard. My place is here.”

They both sighed. They both knew. There was no future for them.

And the thought was equally tearing Leonard apart. He tried to think about everything in a logical, scientific way. What was with him, anyway? Had he fallen in love with the Vulcan? He didn’t know anymore. What he felt for him was beyond love. He had come to think of him as _his Master_ all the time now. But people don’t have _Masters._ Or do they? Some bow to a Career; some to concepts. Some others, to imaginary or real persons in the centre of a religious system. He had bowed to a Being. He did not regret.

He leaned his cheek against Spock’s hand, gazing at him – my Master, my beloved Edelweiss flower, tomorrow at this time I will be without you.

Without you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the warnings:
> 
> This Chapter contains consensual sex, with strong accents of D/s, no BDSM, no acts of cruelty.  
> Followed by heavy angst.  
> I will say this again, everything has a purpose and there will be a happy ending.
> 
> Flower link:  
> http://www.andydownunder.com/php/thumbimage.php?img=/UserFiles/Image/Spanish_flora/edelwiess.JPG&size=3

No one had ever abandoned to him that way – completely. Spock knew.

It was dark – Leonard was still on his knees, on the hard wooden floor, at the Master’s feet. He had lost track of time – it was passing too quickly.

Leonard’s eyes – subdued, submissive, vulnerable – pleading for… something unnamed.

Spock stood up and took his hand.

“Up”, he commanded.

Leonard obeyed.

“Are you hungry, Leonard?”

“No, Master”, he answered. He could not even think of food.

“Me either. Come, let us get some rest.”

Leonard opened the bedroom door and let Spock enter first.

All those small gestures –

Spock started to realize there was truth in Sarek’s words – when you lose The One, you go mad, it is worse than anything you could live, the worst punishment of all. Life is punishing you, or the destiny, or the unknown, non-existent gods – the mind cannot withstand it.

Leonard changed into his night clothes as every evening, and Spock into another robe.

“Get in bed” – he spoke, and Leonard once again obeyed. He had this distinct feeling – should he be told to jump off a cliff, he would do it.

Spock reduced the lights and turned to one side, looking at him – just like Leonard. They were not speaking, what was there to speak about? It was long since the words had grown useless.

They had melded, with small pauses, almost the entire day. When Spock extended his hand to touch his cheek, he felt it was the most natural gesture in the world. Leonard’s mind embraced him greedily, with longing, with love which was impossible to be restrained anymore; everything inside him was breaking up.

Spock broke the meld, unable to endure the pain that he saw in Leonard’s mind and his own excruciating pain. He pulled him closer, caressing his hair, tracing the contour of his face, along the meld points, touching his lower lip with his thumb, as if he wanted to see what it was made of…

None of them was speaking – Leonard was almost not breathing, not daring to have any initiative, as if there was no will left in him.

Spock continued to gently caress his face, shoulder, upper arm, until he reached his wrist – which he had held tight in his hand one hundred times already, leaving him blueish marks.

He lifted his hand above his head, then the other one, keeping his wrists firmly in place – although there was no need, Leonard was not struggling and was not doing any voluntary moves whatsoever – abandoning to him completely. He partly rolled over him.

He bowed his head and kissed him.

Leonard closed his eyes, not daring to respond to the kiss, he felt as if he was being kissed by a god – his heart-rate accelerated, he was barely able to breathe – he wanted – he wanted –

He timidly responded to the kiss, as if exploring a dangerous territory, and perhaps it was just that. Spock did not need other encouragement and wrapped his arm around Leonard’s waist, kissing him, kissing him and becoming more and more demanding, as if the world would soon end.

Their world was about to end – soon.

Leonard started returning the kisses, attempting to pull one hand out of his grip, to caress him – but Spock held his wrists tighter and lifted his head for a second to see his eyes:

“All that I want…” – he whispered to him.

“Yes… yes, Master. Take whatever you want.” – Leonard was now beyond caring for consequences, and the morning was still far – he will worry then about how he was going to continue living; right now, the Vulcan was undressing him, hot hands exploring his body, demanding his submission one more time, but he had said _yes_ – there was no going back. He knew, he felt the Master wanted to _possess_ him, to have whatever it was left of him, to have everything – he did not want to make love – he probably did not know how; he found he had no objections. He could indeed take whatever he wanted.

Strong hands turned him on his belly, caressing his back, then his lower back, his buttocks with long, slow, strong moves, as if wanting to make sure not a single muscle rebelled; he closed his eyes at the sharp pain that followed the penetration, but the Vulcan touched a few points along his spine and the discomfort was suddenly gone, being replaced with sheer pleasure – he wanted to say –

“No words”, Spock required, barely moving inside him. “I will have you all night.”

 

Leonard had made love before; and had had sex before – but this was either of them. This was beyond everything he had ever experienced – it was a sacred act. He had absolutely no idea where his own body ended and where the Master’s began. He felt him everywhere, as if they were no longer two separate beings.

 

He abandoned all thoughts – a doll in his hands, he abandoned all reason.

 

He opened his eyes – he was in his arms.

“M…master?” – he whispered, holding tight onto him.

“Yes.” – his voice filled with sorrow.

“What – what happened…”

“You lost consciousness for 1.40 hours. It is time. Go shower and dress. I will pack your things, then we shall leave.”

Leave – that word was splitting his heart in two.

But he wanted to obey him until the last minute that they had together. He went and showered – his body was full of bruises – he shaved – his neck had profound bite-marks – he stared at himself in the mirror – he was the shadow of Leonard McCoy. His eyes, red.

No, don’t cry, you idiot. Don’t make it harder than it is, for the Master. Be strong. You have 4 more hours with him. Don’t ruin them.

 

Spock pointed to the co-pilot’s chair and secured the seat-belt over Leonard’s chest after he sat down. He started the engines and took off, establishing a route towards Earth.

 

He thought that, similarly, his Father had long ago taken his own partner, AnJoan Grey, back to his home planet; how will their separation have been? How will he himself withstand it? This was beyond his ability to endure. Perhaps his Father, Sarek of Vulcan, was stronger – he surely was stronger. He, Spock, son of Sarek – could not.

 

“What will you do after you give the vaccine to your superiors at Starfleet Headquarters?”

“Dunno… hang around the city I suppose… go to a pub and drink…”

“What pub?”

“I am not sure… perhaps I’ll go to the _Black Horse_ …”

“And where will you sleep? The Enterprise will not come for you for a few days.”

“Well, probably at Starfleet’s Hotel, why? Can you stay a while longer too?” – Leonard asked hopefully.

“Negative. I only wanted to know. And tomorrow?”

“Probably go to the Med School and perform a few dissections.”

“ _Dissections?”_

“Yeah. They – they help me keep my mind focused.”

“There is no one who can stay with you until tomorrow? Family?”

“No, I don’t – I mean, my daughter lives with her Mother, we are divorced. She’s on the other coast of the continent. I don’t want to disturb her for – “

“You will be in great distress after I remove the bond. It is painful.”

“Oh, please, Master”, he said with bitterness. “I doubt there is something more painful than leaving you.”

"Then stay." - the Vulcan said, on the darkest tone.

"You know I cannot..."

 

Spock said nothing else until they reached the Earth’s orbit.

Leonard had decided not to speak out of his own initiative, which the Master had always seemed to appreciate.

The Vulcan requested permission for the flight control to establish a high orbit, slowly navigating towards San Francisco.

He stood up and removed Leonard’s seat-belt.

“Come here and kneel”, he required.

Used to the words by now, Leonard sank to his knees, his head bowed.

Spock lifted his head rather violently – but as always, Leonard opposed no resistance whatsoever.

He connected a deep meld, going straight to the roots of the bond, he gathered all his strength and began to pull it out of Leonard’s mind.

Leonard had been wrong – there were things that hurt much more than the thought of separation – the breaking of a bond. He instinctively took hold of Spock’s hand, forgetting it was a sacrilege to attempt to move away from a meld – but Spock just grabbed him by his hair, trying to hold him in place.

“Hold – still – Leonard!“ – he commanded to the poor human that was struggling. “You wish to go, you cannot keep this bond.”

“Please, Master”, he begged, and a thin stream of blood started leaking down from his nostrils.

“Please – what? What do you want?”

Leonard did not know what he wanted – but he was sure he will die the moment the bond will be removed.

It was too much. Too much even for a Vulcan, what to speak of a Human.

Spock applied pressure on Leonard’s neck, with a sudden move – the same one which he had used to render Jim Kirk unconscious the first time they met – and Leonard collapsed motionless at his feet, in a deep slumber.

Spock carefully took him in his arms and deposed him on a small bed which was located at the back of the shuttle. He cleaned the blood off his face and covered him with a blanket. Then, he came back to the pilot’s chair and started performing a few operations on a console. When he finished, he plotted a course back to Vulcan.

Leonard was **his**.

He was not going to give him up.

Not now.

Never.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:  
> Abduction. No physical abuse, no torture. Just angst.

Leonard woke up, his head was hurting, and he also had a bad neck pain. He sat up, not without some difficulty, and he looked around – he was in a very familiar place – in his Master’s bed.

Whoa – what the hell happened, McCoy?

He could not remember how he got back here. He was supposed to be on Earth, at Starfleet Headquarters, with the vaccine.

He thought that perhaps he was hallucinating – he rubbed his eyes, but when he once again looked around, the room was still there. Just the way he knew it.

He tried hard to remember what had happened – the last image was that of the Master trying to remove the bond from his mind. But what had happened to the vaccine, and to the Enterprise – and to –

Where was the Master?

He got out of the bed, his clothes were on a chair – as usual – he got dressed and skipped shaving – too impatient to find out what the hell was going on there.

The living-room was just the same, nothing had changed. Out of instinct, he picked the barren leaves that had been brought inside by the wind and deposed them in the trash-can.

He went outside.

Spock was there, on his meditation mat – just like every morning.

“Ma… master?”

Spock turned towards him. Usually, Leonard would kneel and say good morning, and they would meld for a brief moment. His eyes – which were already dark, were now darker.

“Come to me”, the Vulcan asked, and Leonard obeyed.

He knelt, to be closer to him, but also because the habits were deeply embedded in his mind.

His eyes widened all of a sudden as he realized: the bond was still there, shining brightly, burning him a little, as always – the bond had not been broken!

“Master, what is going on? What have you done?”

“Good morning, Leonard”, he said sharply.

“I’m sorry. Good morning.”

Whatever had happened, they were still here, together; the bond was still in place. The Vulcan still had a right to his submission.

“Try again”, Spock said, with patience, but with dark, almost black eyes – like in the first days, when he taught him manners.

“Good morning, Master”, Leonard whispered, looking downwards.

Spock lifted his chin, without melding, and looked straight into his eyes:

“I could not do it. I could not break the bond.”

“What – what am I doing here?” – Leonard asked. “I was supposed to beam down with the vaccine and the – “

“I have sent them the vaccine, along with your instructions.”

“Oh,” he said. That was fine. He must have decided to take him back until the Enterprise would come and pick him up – meaning they had a few more days together? Happiness started to blossom in his heart.

“I have abducted you, Leonard McCoy”, Spock said, gravely.

“You What??” – Leonard asked, in shock and horror, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“I have beamed the vaccine down, after which I left traces of you all over San Francisco; in that bar you mentioned, then at the hotel, then through Medical School and some other random places of San Francisco. They will take at least a week to track everything down.”

“But the Enterprise will surely manage – “

“I have taken care of that too.”

“…how?” – he said, his heart starting to sink. “What have you done to the Enterprise??”

“I have not done anything to them as such. I have made the bond – our bond – permanent.”

“…and?? What does that mean?”

“That means, under the Vulcan law, you are my property. No one can take you away from here without risking a diplomatic incident with my planet. The Federation will not take such risks, since they need Vulcan.”

“But you said you will not force me to stay here, against my will.”

Spock suddenly placed his fingers on his face, straight on the meld points.

“I Have Changed My Mind.” – he said, stressing every word.

“… how could you…?”

“You WANT to stay here, Leonard McCoy, do not lie to me, and do not lie to yourself either. I saw it in your mind. I saw it in your heart. You are MINE. And I will never, ever, give you up”, he said, as if he was reciting the words of an oath.

Leonard furiously removed his hand from the meld points – which angered Spock, because he promptly took a fistful of his hair, pulling him in his lap and immobilizing him.

“You will never do such a thing again!”

“Let – go – of me!”

“Leonard, stop struggling. You do not stand a single chance against my strength.”

“Why did you have to do such a thing?! I would have come to you myself – “

“I could not be without you.”

“Give me my communicator. I want to inform the Enterprise about what you have done. Law or no law, you will not force me to stay here. You cannot go about abducting people just because you _want_ them, Spock!”

Spock lay him on the grass, face up, and lay over him, holding him still with his own weight.

“What is the matter, Leonard”, he asked bitterly, “your heart has grown cold in just a few hours? Have you been lying to me all along?”

“Yes”, Leonard said shamelessly. “I only wanted the flowers.”

“You did not. It is now that you are lying.”

Spock released him and stood up, giving him his hand to help him stand as well. Leonard refused the help.

“Go shave.” – Spock ordered.

“I will not.”

Spock closed his eyes – disobedience was the hardest thing to endure. He would cure him of it.

The bond twisted inside Leonard’s mind, making him cringe in sudden pain.

“Yesterday you did not even move without my will. Today you tell me _I will not_. Who is the real you?”

“Go to hell.”

The pain intensified.

“Go shave, Leonard, or I will do very bad things to you. Now.”

Get a hold of yourself, McCoy, he said to himself. You need to get out of here, but let’s take it slowly… not the way you’re going now.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

The pain did not reduce.

“This is not the proper way of talking to me.”

Leonard thought that the pain caused by the bond was nothing compared to the one he felt in his heart – the betrayal, the betrayal of the One whom he thought to be the most honourable being that existed.

He stood up.

He looked straight into his eyes:

“I will never, ever, call you _Master_ again. That being said, certainly Spock, I will go shave.”

Leonard went inside.

Spock remained there, contemplating the broken fragments of his happiness – now gone, perhaps forever, but he was here, he belonged to him, there was no way anyone could undo a Vulcan bond; Vulcan bonds were recognized throughout the quadrant, because everyone wanted to have the allegiance of Vulcans; maybe they will take Leonard from him, but he was his property – no one will ever change that.

 

And yet… how unworthy was he of Leonard – who was capable of complete, sublime submission, and whom he had hurt with the force of a tsunami?

No – he will not think of this. Perhaps there will come a time for repentance, but not now.

 

All of a sudden, the house which he so loved had turned into a prison. Only the shadows of the immense happiness he’d lived here still lingered. He would have come back to him. He would have found a way. But it would have been out of his own will. Submission must be given; it cannot be taken by force. Anger and fury once again split his soul in two. He had remained here, as a ‘prisoner’, out of his own will, for ten days. But being abducted was an entirely different thing. He would not stay here. He went to the bedroom after he finished shaving, opened up the large window and jumped through it, starting to run on the narrow path that lead to the small town at the base of the mountain.

He was good at running – he had run several marathons, he could go on for miles. He abandoned the path and went randomly through the forest, keeping an approximate route to south-west. He was sure the Vulcan would follow him, he’d better confuse him.

All of a sudden, the forest opened to a large field of Edelweiss flowers – he stopped and almost skipped a heartbeat at the sight of the embodiment of beauty.

He had to go through them – he had to step on the flowers to advance.

Stepping on the Edelweiss flowers – he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

There was no way around.

He sank to his knees, crying.

It was not long until he felt a hand in his hair, forcing him to look up.

“What is the matter, Leonard? You can step all over my soul, but you cannot step on a tiny flower?”

“Unlike your soul, they are pure and beautiful. They don’t deserve to be stepped on.”

Spock pulled him up and dragged him back, even though Leonard was now too tired to even protest. It did not matter what this Human thought of his soul. All it mattered was that he was here, and he was his property. In time, the grace and happiness they shared will return.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the warnings, I do not want to offend anyone:  
> This chapter features heavy angst, abduction, physical violence, mental instability and body restrains - no torture, no rape.  
> The chapters will be getting longer and perhaps uncomfortable to read, but I wanted to make the process as realistic as possible. What I am exploring here is not...the space, but genuine emotions experienced by beings like everyone of us. The potential of violence and of submission lies there dormant in each of us.  
> I am aware that it hurts (it hurts me to write!) but I am not planning to change the pace. Therefore, be warned.  
> I will update at 2,000 hits.

He was now realizing what it meant to be a prisoner, an actual prisoner. Spock had dragged him 3 miles up the mountain, back to the house, firmly holding his arm. He took him to the living-room, leaving traces of dirt all over the beautiful wooden floor; he threw him on the couch, after which he closed the windows and the door.

He brought him a glass of water – but Leonard looked away.

“Leonard, you must drink. You have been running for miles, you are dehydrated.”

“So you suddenly care about my well-being?”

“Your well-being is essential, Leonard. I do not want you to die.”

“You will let me go, or I will die. I cannot live in captivity. This is insane.”

“You had no such problems last week”, Spock said thoughtfully, placing the glass of water on the table, close to Leonard.

“Last week was different. We had a deal. I stayed here for the flowers.”

“You stayed here because you loved me, Leonard.”

“ _Loved – You?_ My God, man, you must really think high of yourself. There is nothing about you that can be loved.”

Spock made a step back – if there was one thing Leonard was good at – no, better said – he was formidable at – it was the ability to cause him endless pain. There was nothing about himself that could be loved – he said. All those words were being engraved in his soul, making him bleed inside. He could not be loved. He was just a senseless being who abducted others to satisfy his own need of control.

He went farther away from Leonard and sat at the table, looking at him from over there. He wanted to give him space – perhaps this way he would at least take a sip of water.

Leonard cuddled in the corner of the couch, well aware he was hungry, thirsty, probably already severely dehydrated, and dead tired. They stayed like that for hours, without talking, staring at each other in complete mistrust. Every move that Leonard made was surveyed by dark eyes.

“Are you not hungry?” – Spock asked, eventually.

“I am.”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Nothing. I will not eat anything in this house. Go on, eat without me. You need not worry.”

“If you do not wish to eat, I will not, either.”

“Oh, what can I say, I am heartbroken”, Leonard replied on a mocking tone.

But the meaning of the word _heartbroken_ was now known to him. He felt shattered inside. Of course he had lied to him. He _so_ loved him – so much he loved him, that now, when his trust had been shattered, he had no will to continue living. Spock, son of Sarek, had been everything, absolutely everything he had ever wanted and needed – he gave him ten days of pure, blissful happiness – after which, he betrayed him.

Why did he feel betrayed? Had the love just… _stopped_? Can love simply cease, as if you pushed a button?

Of course it didn’t. But how can love remain pure, when you are being treated the way he was? How can love survive, when the Beloved One abducts you, tells you that you are now his property, a mere object he can play with – how can love survive?

“Come to bed”, Spock said.

Leonard did not move, so Spock came and took his arm; he did not feel much resistance – it must have been the exhaustion, taking its toll. His sleeping clothes were still there, under a pillow, and Leonard dressed in them; he was fighting hard against the urge to give in, to abandon to him once more, to simply sink into his arms and cry and –

Spock pulled him closer, extending one hand to reach his face, longing to meld, but Leonard promptly pushed him away and rolled to the other side of the bed.

“NO. You will not have my mind – not to speak of my body. You will have nothing of me out of my own will. I am well aware you can have both my mind and my body by **force** ” – Leonard said, stressing the word – “but that qualifies as **rape**. Add that to the list of things you are doing to Leonard McCoy. We’ll see, then, what the Federation thinks of your precious planet and of Sarek’s heir.”

Spock froze where he was – he left his hand fall on the pillow, defeated. Sarek will find out, sooner or later. But even **he** could not undo the bond. Leonard was, and will remain his. But – _rape_? The word, the mere word made his stomach clench. He would never do such a thing to Leonard. He would keep him a prisoner – but he will not – oh, the thought of – how could –

His mind started to shatter, slowly, slowly, and he was unable to hold it together. He wondered if this was what ‘going mad’ meant.

“Please sleep, Leonard. I will not touch you.”

Leonard closed his eyes and fell into a deep, but agitated sleep, full of nightmares in which he was stepping on little white flowers.

 

The second morning came.

His entire body was sore, from all that running, one day before. He had tried to escape – and failed. Memories – in avalanche – came rushing back – mostly of their week of love, of their last night in which their bodies had at last touched – memories of the words he did not have the chance of saying – I love you – no, I don’t love you, I worship you, I hate you! You bastard, I hate you.

He took a fistful of bedsheets and buried his face in a pillow, in order not to scream.

Spock came inside the bedroom minutes after.

“Le…Leonard?” – his voice uncertain.

“What.”

From _Yes, Master_ , to _What._ So low have we fallen – Leonard thought.

“Are you not going to get up?”

“What for?”

Spock didn’t know what to answer to that.

“Please, Leonard. You must eat.”

“I will rather die of thirst and hunger than follow any of your… orders.”

“It was not an order… I said _please_.”

“Oh, the _thief_ has found some manners!”

“What – did – you – call me?” Spock asked, his blood running cold once more.

“A _thief_. You stole me. That makes you a thief.”

Spock came to him and abruptly pinned him on the bed:

“I took what was mine”, he said, his eyes deadly, on a menacing tone.

Leonard held his breath for a moment – no, he will not acknowledge this truth. He will not. Spock did not deserve it.

“I am not yours”, he said, each word leaving deep wounds inside his own soul. “I am not yours. You are sick.”

Spock released him, as if Leonard’s body had suddenly burned him. _I am not yours_ , his mate said. Words that meant his destruction. But no – no – he will not – he will not give up. He could not give him up.

He left the room and went outside – the house was too small for both of them.

 

At last, Leonard got out of the bed and went inside the bathroom. He knew that no one would come look for him for at least two weeks – the Enterprise was in the Neutral Zone, then they will go pick him up from Earth, they will not find him, they will call the police, fill in a missing person report, start looking for clues… finally they will come interview the last person who saw him – and maybe, just maybe they will find him – if he would still be alive by then.

He washed his face and shaved – he was so thirsty and hungry – he resisted the impulse of drinking a little water. No. He should not. He would better die than accept anything to eat and drink while being held here against his will. He wiped his face with the towel that smelled like Spock – and started to cry once more, as the pain stabbed his heart over and over, like a criminal wanting to rob him.

He left the towel fall on the floor.

He needed to find a way to get out of here! He couldn’t – just couldn’t bear being kept there, all the walls seemed to be closer and closer – he would die suffocated if – if –

Leonard McCoy, he said to himself. What is with you? Have you gone mad? Are you _losing it_? Get a hold of yourself.

He went to the living room. The beautiful wooden floor was dirty, full of dust and barren leaves. He left everything as it was – h didn’t care anymore. Let him go to hell with his floor and his flowers and everything. Where was he, anyway?

He was outside – he saw him – on his meditation mat, he seemed to be trembling. Was he cold? Or perhaps he was running a fever? Where was his tricorder, anyway? He looked around to locate it – but none of his tools was visible. Anyway, you idiot, were you going to scan him or something? Are you suddenly concerned for his welfare? He fucking kidnapped you, let him rot and die! Die? I cannot let him die – he is – is –

Alright. I am losing it. This is it. I must get out of here fast.

His medbag! There it was, hidden in a corner.

He rushed to it, took a hypo and filled it with the emergency anaesthetic he held there. What are you doing, what are you doing, Leonard, his inner voice kept screaming – are you going to inject him with this substance and render him unconscious? What if you send him straight into anaphylactic shock? What if he never – what if you – where is your faith in the Hippocratic Oath that you took, for the love of God, man? Aren’t you ashamed at yourself?

I only need to get out of here, I am starting to lose it. I am starting to fall down and I am not going to be able to –

He jabbed the hypospray into the Vulcan’s neck – and watched him falling into the grass, unconscious. He checked his pulse – it was starting to fade – now is your chance, McCoy – run like hell!

He started running down the north path, the longer one towards the city. He needed to get as far as possible from the Vulcan before he woke up – if – IF – he was going to wake up. How could you do such a thing? How could you inject an anaesthetic into a person that had sustained no trauma? What sort of a doctor are you, McCoy?

Thousands of voices were screaming at him – all at once, making him go mad, making him want to jump off the closest cliff – and there were plenty of opportunities to jump. No more, no more! No more pain. Keep running, one step after another, come on. Keep running. You will eventually reach the first house, and there you will tell them you have been abducted and they will announce the Federation and the Starfleet and the Enterprise and Jim will come and he will be safe and away from this crazy –

Keep running –

He saw houses in the distance, miles away – he could not do it. Too far. Help was too far, unreachable – he collapsed in the grass, face down, everything was spinning. He was positive he was going to throw up – he was lucky his stomach was empty.

Did this planet have any carnivorous animals? He had heard about the le-matyas – hopefully he will stumble upon one who would attack him and he could end things. _End things._

A human being can endure only a certain quantity of pain – after which the brain goes numb, it stops processing. And it is for the better. He was patiently waiting for his own brain to stop processing, but it was just not happening. His own pain was endless. Betrayed – alone – far from The One – why was Life not fading? He took a fistful of grass, dust and small Edelweiss flowers – he tried to get up, but it was impossible, his consciousness was drifting, his vision was blurred and his only connection with the palpable reality remained the grass and dust in his fist.

 

A firm hand unclenched his fist and cleaned his palm of dirt. He felt someone picking him up and placing him in a vehicle – then a seatbelt being secured over his chest. Then, that same someone took his wrists and held them together, tying them tightly with something that felt like rope. He had no more strength to fight back, or to fight at all.

“Open your eyes”, the familiar voice commanded – and he obeyed. The Master was right there – the Master? His mind was calling to him, screaming after him. This man is not your Master, McCoy, the inner voice rebelled once more – people don’t have Masters. This is just an insane alien who has abducted you and now he has tied up your hands and he will –

He felt a finger parting his lips, sliding between his teeth, opening his mouth and then water was poured inside. It felt sublime – he nearly choked with it, he managed to take a few sips. A wet cloth over his burning skin – ordinary sensations –

His mind was blurred and the vision was still foggy.

“Master?” – he whispered.

“Yes.”

Such a simple dialogue, the simplest of them all – made his soul, his mind, twist in pain once more. Did you not say you will never call him that again? Did you not say – did – you – not –

Shame, shame on you, Doctor, you are unworthy of being called a Doctor. You jabbed him with an anaesthetic and he gathered you from where you fell, under the unforgiving sun, you have probably got a good case of sunstroke. You wanted to kill him and he gave you water – I did not want to kill him Yes you did -

Firm fingers aligned on his face and the powerful presence arose once more in his mind – he was too tired to object. His mind cleared and the arguing voices stopped. Oh, the blessed silence. He lowered his eyes and saw his tied hands. The sensation suddenly anchored him back in the unforgiving reality.

He wanted to ask – why?

He could not.

Spock’s placed his hand firmly over his tied wrists – as if he could run anywhere. No, the running had stopped. He had no more energy.

The vehicle started and they proceeded towards the peak of the mountain, _home._

 

He took his arm and dragged him out of the car, but he did not fight back. Spock’s gestures bore a barely restrained violence – he could kill Leonard McCoy at the slightest disobedience, it was all too clear.

He took him inside the house and made him sit on the floor, where he usually sat when things were good and bright between them – keeping his wrists firmly into his hand. He made sure the knot was tight and he could not reach it even with his teeth – strangely, it did not hurt. He had done a thorough job, Leonard observed. Once again, he parted his lips with his thumb and poured a bit of water inside his mouth.

He spitted it down.

It had been a very bad thing to do, because Spock slapped him hard over his face and he saw white. His heart, though, ached much more than his cheek – he didn’t think the Vulcan was capable of hitting him. Well – he was.

“Enough. You will drink.”

He looked at him with fear, expecting another hit. Instead, he felt a bottle close to his lips.

“Drink.”

He lowered his eyes in surrender – they needed to make peace at least for a few moments, or he was sure they will both die, or something even worse than that. He accepted the water and drank a few good sips.

Spock took a deep breath – it was a small victory. He leaned against the couch, not letting go of his hands for a single moment – and closed his eyes – he had just hit the being he loved the most – what kind of a monster had he become?

“Your turn”, Leonard whispered.

“What?” – Spock asked, without understanding. Whatever logic he had been proud to possess, it was long gone.

“…to drink.”

Spock looked at him carefully – there were so many ways in which he could interpret those words, so many comments he could make – he decided against. He drank a bit of water from the same bottle. He still felt sick from the impromptu anaesthetic and the inner turmoil had absolutely exhausted him – not to mention Leonard’s refusal to submit to him anymore.

 

He took his arm and went to the bedroom. Everything was in disorder there – tangled sheets, clothes thrown everywhere, pillows on the floor. Such a mess made Leonard’s soul cringe.

“Kneel”, Spock ordered.

Leonard’s soul rebelled one more time – but he just did not have the strength to rebel out loud as well. He just fell on his knees, defeated. He was now truly a prisoner, at his… guardian’s mercy.

“Give me your hands”, he requested, on the same strict tone.

Leonard extended his tied wrists upwards – and Spock untied the knot, throwing the rope on the bed.

Leonard rubbed them, they did not hurt, but the sensation was not pleasant either.

“Go shower and change clothes, then come to bed.”

Leonard did as asked – he picked his sleeping clothes and went to the bathroom. He closed the door and leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths – don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t you dare cry, McCoy. You have only lost a battle. You will stop arguing with him, or he will beat the hell out of you – you’ll see what can be done tomorrow. Yes, the inner voice was right. It was probably the voice of the Starfleet Officer, used to problem solving, to acting, to drafting plans. He would find a way out of this. But right now, shower – he was dirty, full of dust. He washed his body and hair and drank some more water straight from the shower – he could go through this. He could make it. He had to be strong.

He wiped his hair and returned to the room – Spock was there, waiting.

“In bed.” – he ordered briefly, and Leonard obeyed once more.

He lay down – should he dare to attempt something, the Vulcan would get a _No_ , a _Go to hell_ and a struggle to his last bit of power.

“Your hands” – came the next order.

“W-what?”

“Give – me – your – hands” – he repeated.

“Why?”

Spock took Leonard’s hands and tied them back in the same manner – not obstructing the blood flow, but tight enough to prevent moving.

“Let me explain you how we are going to _function_ here, Leonard. I order, you obey. You do not ask for explanations.”

With those words, Spock pulled him closer, in his arms, holding him tight.

“Do you want my submission _that_ much…? – Leonard whispered, as he leaned his head on his shoulder, in the only comfortable position possible under the circumstances – and it was the sweetest feeling –

“Not only that I want it, Leonard, but I also _have_ it.”

Leonard wanted to argue, to protest – but what was there to be said after such a crude truth? Spock had touched his mind, his heart – he knew the very essence of himself – that which was now buried under thick layers of fear, despair, hatred and sadness. Buried deep – but there, burning low – and there was nothing, nothing that could extinguish that fire.

Spock longed to meld – but he could simply not take another _no_ from Leonard. He was content to have him in his arms for one more night, and he was good and compliant right now, despite his tied hands, a temporary truce – and if gods existed, he was grateful to them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!  
> Severe angst, body restrains, no rape, no torture.  
> Separation.  
> This is a long chapter, for you to read and review until I am ready with the next one, in which angst will progressively dissipate.  
> Let me remind you that I am trying to make this entire process as realistic as possible, which means it will be painful to read, because it is painful to live and survive such an experience.  
> I will update at the beginning of next week.

Either of them could sleep. Spock had his head leaned on a tall pillow and appeared to feel sick, which did not prevent him from holding Leonard with a tight grip – his tied hands were resting on the Vulcan’s chest – Leonard had stopped arguing about the topic as it was completely useless – and his head on his shoulder.

Leonard knew the Vulcan must be feeling extremely sick. Injecting an anaesthetic into someone who did not need it – had a large variety of side effects as soon as the person woke up from the deep slumber – nausea, vomiting, severe head pain – he could not even imagine what the effects must have been upon the delicate Vulcan nervous system – probably his telepathic centres had also been severely affected – dizziness, inability to stand, inability to eat. His body was warmer than the usual, Leonard could tell as he was completely plastered by his side – he was most certainly running a high fever. He felt him slightly trembling – he was cold, or exhausted, or God knew what.

And why did he care, anyways? Wasn’t he a prisoner? McCoy, you’re a prisoner. Remember this very well. A prisoner. You can’t suddenly become concerned for the welfare of your guardian – because that means you are completely _losing it_ , you are developing a bad case of Stockholm syndrome here – focus, McCoy – no, you can’t leave him like this – you are the one responsible, you nearly killed him, you are a criminal, Leonard McCoy The Criminal – what will Jim say when he finds you and you will be accused of Murder – let they accuse me – I don’t care anymore – I want him dead – no! He cannot die – _Master_ –

“What time is it?” – he asked, taking a deep spasmodic breath.

“03:45 Standard Time”, Spock answered.

“You need to drink more water to wash away the anaesthetic from your system.”

“It is not water that I need,” he said on the darkest tone.

“Then what?”

Spock held him tighter, more desperately, and life tasted like death.

“Your mind”, he said shivering, almost giving in to the nausea that was overwhelming him.

“Take it”, Leonard whispered.

Spock went suddenly still and slowly turned his head towards him – had he heard well? Had Leonard just –

“Are… are you offering me your mind?”

“Yes, take it.”

It was only because he was sick, Leonard told himself. The Vulcan was sick and he needed to meld – he was a Doctor, and he had already hurt him, proving himself unworthy of all the vows he had ever taken as a doctor – and as a human being – if he needed to meld, then so be it – he would feel less guilty – it was not as if he himself needed the meld, no, he needed no meld –why would he –

Trembling fingers looked for the meld points, then the Vulcan leaned his forehead against his own, and their minds merged in an instant, as if they had been pulled to one another by a force stronger than gravity itself.

Their minds were one. There was no place for lies here, no way to withhold the truth, no way to hurt the other one – rejection, despair, love, hate, everything melted.

To say it was soothing, it would have been an understatement. It was life, pure and simple, growing back into both of them – how, oh, how could he have refused him this, Leonard asked himself – how could he have refused him anything at all for that matter? He knew – deep there, inside, where the essence of life resided – that Spock of Vulcan _owned_ him, there was nothing he could do about it, nothing he could say or do – to _undo_ this – he owned every inch of his body, every little corner of his mind, every thought. Leonard McCoy belonged to Spock – entirely – and without any right to rebel.

He felt a hand in his hair, tightening the grip, wanting to make sure he did not move at all – as if he could – cold lips touched his own, not very daring, but not quite shy either, waiting, waiting, demanding for a response, an acknowledgement – which he was unable and unwilling to refuse. He gave in, hesitatingly, yielding to the kiss which suddenly became more demanding, more violent –

Once again abandoning all thoughts, Leonard surrendered for a moment – a moment which he so wanted to last forever.

“Please, untie my hands…” – he whispered.

Spock stopped and raised his head, then broke the meld – Leonard wanted to scream when their minds separated. The Vulcan’s eyes were dark, deadly again, and Leonard knew he had just made a mistake – perhaps the biggest of them all. He should have remained silent – he should have just abandoned to him to whatever end – perhaps they would have been able to rebuild whatever they could out of the ruins –

Fear started to grow again on his side, mad mistrust on Spock’s side. His heart accelerated – he felt in danger, trapped once more in an unescapable prison – unable to breathe –

Spock felt he was going to vomit – no, he was sure about that – he threw Leonard off his arms on the bed and rushed to the bathroom. He emptied everything he had in his stomach, tried to wash his face but weakness overtook him – he leaned against the sink with all his weight and fell down.

Leonard tried to untie his hands, but it was useless. He could not reach the knot with his teeth, and there were no sharp objects around. He himself was way too exhausted to even attempt other things.

“Computer, connect an emergency call to private channel 46”, he said – suddenly remembering Amanda’s words.

The computer started working to establish the connection, and soon after, Amanda’s sleepy voice answered:

“Spock? What is it, honey? It is 3 in the mor-“

“It’s Leonard, Amanda. Please, come at once. Bring Mr. Sarek with you.”

A short pause.

“We shall be there in 34 minutes”, Sarek’s voice interposed.

“Hurry.”

 

34 minutes passed very slowly. Time was barely dragging.

He had tried to get off the bed to catch a glimpse of Spock’s condition in the bathroom, but fell and felt something snapping along his lungs – most certainly a rib. The stinging pain that followed confirmed his diagnostic. He had blood in the upper respiratory tract – he felt it dipping out of his nose.

Darkness fell.

 

The view was horrific – even for a Vulcan who did not ‘feel’. Amanda screamed when she saw Leonard unconscious and rushed to him:

“My God, Sarek, have they been attacked??” – she asked, oblivious to what had really taken place, starting to untie his hands – and not managing.

Sarek knelt near Leonard:

“Go see to your son, Amanda. _All this_ is his doing.”

Amanda froze upon hearing such words – she went to look for Spock and screamed once more when she saw her only child collapsed to the ground. She lay him flat on his back and cleaned his face with a wet towel, after which she took him in her arms and leaned him against her chest, kissing his forehead:

“What have you done here, my baby, what have you done?”

Sarek managed to easily untie the Vulcan knot tied by his son and rubbed Leonard’s hands, to make sure the blood was flowing through them. He wiped the blood off his face and carefully passed a hand over his arms, legs, spine, neck, ribs – to see if there was any trauma. He quickly identified the broken rib and only afterwards he changed his position, to a more comfortable one.

“Leonard…?”

Leonard’s eyelids trembled, he opened his eyes and waited for his vision to clear.

“I am very sorry, Leonard. I should not have allowed this to happen. I will put you on the bed, is that fine? You have a broken rib.”

His voice was gentle, calm, comforting. He felt safe –

“My Master, where is he…” – he asked, his thoughts blurred.

“Your… my Son is in the bathroom, unconscious. Amanda is taking care of him. He will not harm you anymore. He will answer to _me_ for what he has done here.”

“Ple… please don’t… I mean… could – could you do a few things for me?”

“Anything, Leonard. Do you want me to summon the Enterprise at once? Or someone from your family? My planet and myself will assume all the consequences once you press charges.”

“Just – stop! Stop. Don’t Call Anyone! Just bring me my med bag from the living-room, I need to regenerate my rib if I want to do something useful. For all of us.”

“Certainly.”

Sarek did not want to further upset the Human who had suffered so greatly at the hands of his son. He got up and brought him his tools, assisting him through the delicate process of bone regeneration.

“Do you have any other wounds, Leonard?” – Sarek asked with deep concern, helping him sit up.

“No, that was the only one. I fell out of bed.”

“Leonard, answer to me truthfully – have you been assaulted in any other way, sexually or mentally? Has he melded with you without your consent?”

“No”, Leonard answered evasively.

“Your wrists are – “

“They are fine.”

Sarek looked at him silently, weighing his words.

“May I touch your mind?”

“NO”, Leonard asked with determination. “No. I am done with melding. I’ve had enough for a lifetime.”

“I only wanted – to – “

“I said – no.”

“Please be calm, Leonard. I will not meld with you, or with my son, or with anyone without specific consent. I only wanted to assess the status of the bond. It must be removed, or it will cause you great pain constantly.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I am fine now”, Leonard said, once again avoiding the topic of the bond. “Please bring my – your son here and put him on the bed. I am partly responsible for the condition he is in, I will take care of him.”

“You do not have to, Leonard, I will take him to a healer and – “

“Will You Please”, Leonard said with exasperation, “…please do as I say? After all I have been through, it is the least I deserve.”

Sarek did not need any more convincing. He went to the bathroom, picked Spock in his arms with ease and brought him to the bedroom, placing him on the bed as Leonard requested.

Leonard avoided looking at Spock too much. He was a patient in need of medical attention. He flipped his medical tricorder open and scanned him thoroughly, identifying the traces of the anaesthetic still in his venous system. He prepared a saline solution and injected the hypospray in his neck, followed by a mild sedative. He also started an IV because he was severely dehydrated.

Amanda was helplessly fidgeting around them, and Leonard’s heart broke once more.

“Amanda, will you stay with him while – while I sort things out with your husband?”

She gave him a pleading look – that of a mother who is about to lose her only child.

Leonard turned towards Sarek who was standing beside the bed and looking at them, his eyes sad, wanting to help and not knowing why – what was happening here was no less than a disaster, a tragedy whose taste he knew oh so well.

“Let’s go to the living-room. There are some things we need to discuss.”

Sarek silently followed him to the living-room. He knew Leonard had the right to impose severe penalties to their entire planet, as for his son, he would be accused of abduction, torture – possibly rape – who knew what had happened there? And Leonard did not seem willingly to share – he would get no supplementary information from his son either, of that he was sure.

“Sir, I will say this only once. You will call for a shuttle and I will go to Earth. What happened here remains between us. I will not press any charges, nor will I tell anyone about it, ever. I am giving you my word.”

“Leonard…” – Sarek tried, shocked by the proposal – “you do not have to do this. It is your right to press charges.”

“I will not press any charges. You will take care of him, see that he recovers, and deal with him however you choose – you are his Father. I do not want this discussed outside this family, not now, nor ever, you must promise me this. It is my right to demand you this, and you will do it.”

Sarek was silent for a while.

“Therefore, you do not wish for my son to be judged for what he had done?”

“I don’t. Just – leave him be. I will leave, and will we never, ever meet again. I don’t want to hear about him, or about you, or about your planet and your race – nothing – ever.”

“Very well”, Sarek said. “I will deal with him on my own and we will never speak of what happened here with any other persons.”

“Exactly – and thank you. Now will you please take him home with you and send me a shuttle?”

“Do you not wish for me to stay with you until the shuttle arrives? I would rather not leave you alone in this condition.”

“Thank you, but I am fine. I have some stuff to do before I leave – you know – meditate upon things.”

“ _Meditate_ ”?

“Yeah.”

Sarek looked at Leonard silently for a while, as if he could see through his forehead straight into his mind – and perhaps it was exactly so.

“Very well, Leonard. I am in no position to try to convince you to follow another course of action. I will ask once again, but only because I am concerned about your welfare and I deeply dislike the fact of leaving you here alone – are you sure? Amanda can stay with you – if you would rather have a human companion.”

“Amanda must stay with her son. Please, will you get me my shuttle? I want to be back on Earth before the Enterprise starts looking for me and asking questions.”

Sarek silently went to Spock’s computer terminal and pressed a few controls, waiting for an acknowledgement that came seconds after. There were advantages in being the ruler of a planet. Prompt submission to his commands was among them; too bad that his own son was incapable of it.

“Your shuttle will be here in 3 hours, standard time. Is that fine? Is it enough for you to complete your… meditation?”

“Yes, thanks. Now, listen…here are two hypos. One of them contains more saline solution, he needs it in order to eliminate the stuff I jabbed him with when I tried to escape. Inject him with it two hours from now. And this one contains nutrients. He hasn’t eaten anything in two days – and he drank only a few sips of water, which he just threw up. Can I trust you that you will follow my instructions?”

“Why are you helping my son Leonard? He has done nothing but harm to you.”

“I am a Doctor. No matter what happens, all life is sacred.”

 

Leonard watched Sarek carry Spock to his air vehicle. Amanda remained behind and gave him a big, warm hug – her beautiful eyes were red, she had been crying endlessly.

“I am so sorry, Leonard… I wish there was something I could do.”

“Take care of him. I will be fine.”

“You keep saying that… but somehow I find it had to believe.”

Leonard smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes.

“Go now. I have much to do.”

“Should we never meet again, Leonard, know that you brought great joy into my life, even if for only a few days. I will for ever cherish our time together… as a family. As for Spock – please do not judge him too harshly, even if it is your right to do so. He adores you – “

“Please, please, stop. Stop. I can’t – I just can’t – anymore.”

Amanda let go of Leonard’s hand with much regret and sorrow. She looked back one more time before getting into the car and leaving.

 

Leonard remained outside for a while – right on the spot where the Master used to meditate – looking after the departing vehicle. There went his love, his happiness, there went The One – forever parted now.

He went inside and swept the living-room floor carefully, after which he washed it with clean water. He put all things in their proper place, turned off the computer terminal and the consoles. He went to the bedroom, made the bed, gathered all the clothes that were thrown throughout the room and placed them in the laundry basket. He replicated clean clothes for himself, went and took a shower, shaved and dressed. He took the med-bag from the bed and his eyes found the rope with which Spock had tied his hands.

He took a deep, deep breath.

He took it carefully, folded it and put it in the med-bag, a memento of his ordeal, or perhaps of the happiest time of his life – he did not know.

He cleaned the entire bathroom until it was spotless, after which he went to the living-room to wait for his shuttle. Everything was in order here.

He knelt near the couch – on the same place he had knelt a hundred times before – in front of an absent master, contemplating the raw wounds his own heart bore – and their bond, silently glistening, alive under the thick layers of darkness and suffering.

He went outside and picked an Edelweiss flower, which he deposed on the floor on which he had previously knelt – I was here, I was here…

He closed the door. His shuttle was just landing.

 

“Course, Sir?” – the young Vulcan pilot asked.

“Earth” – he answered, then he sat down, without securing the seat-belt.

 

He went to the Medical Department of Starfleet Headquarters and apologized for being delayed. He checked the vaccine, the replicating process and requested a few volunteers to start the treatment for the next morning.

He took a room at Starfleet’s five stars hotel, unpacked in an orderly manner, took a long shower and changed into civil clothes. He decided to go out for the rest of the evening and headed towards the _Black Horse_ bar, walking with his head down, his hands in his pockets; his clothes felt loose and he knew he’d lost weight. He avoided thinking about anything except the next step on the sidewalk, then the next one, then the next one. This was how life was going to unfold – carefully avoiding to _think about_ ; he will do his duty, he will ignore the stinging pain in his heart, and somehow – days will go by and –


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings - heed them -   
> No violence at all.  
> Angst, but milder.  
> My own vision of Sarek.  
> Contemplating separation.  
> Heartache.  
> Hope kindles.
> 
> My Tumblr:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/anjoangrey
> 
> Facebook:  
> https://www.facebook.com/AnJoan-Grey-1396337104020854/

“Open your eyes, Son”, Sarek commanded.

Spock struggled to do so, and waited for his vision to clear – his Father was bent over him. He felt an arm sliding under his head and helping him sit up. A hypospray was pressed against his neck.

“Leonard??” – he asked with despair – whatever control he once had over his emotions, it was long gone.

“Leonard is gone, Son.”

“… _gone_?? What have you done to him??!”

Sarek cupped his head with his hands, looking straight into his eyes:

“Spock. I have done nothing to Leonard. He left.”

Spock felt the air was insufficient all of a sudden. He tried to breathe and couldn’t – Leonard had left?

His mind started to shatter once more, thoughts racing in all directions and he knew, in a glimpse, that no amount of meditation would be able to help him hold them together right now. Leonard had left – why and how could he, how could he, when he had seen the love which had risen in his soul, how could he have left when he was everything to him, how – could – he?

He struggled to get out of the bed and rush outside, he wanted to start looking for him immediately! Strong hands wrapped around him, preventing him from going anywhere – or was it an embrace? He felt love and affection and disapproval, but no ill-intentions.

“You cannot stand yet, my Son. Quit struggling, you will hurt yourself.”

“Fa-ther…”

“I am here, Spock.”

“What happened? Where is Leonard? What have I done?”

“Your body is very much weakened. You have been through great turmoil, and so has he. As for what you have done, I do not know. I was hoping you could tell me why I have found him tied up, with broken ribs and a punctured lung – unconscious on the floor of your bedroom.”

Panic started to build again.

The two arms held him tighter.

“My son, have you abused him sexually?”

“NO!! No.”

“What about mentally?”

“I, uhhh… do not know. No. I do not think so. He allowed me inside his mind – he said yes, yes, he said yes – I would not have done it otherwise – I have not gone completely _mad_ – I still have some honour left, even if not much.”

“I will have to agree with you there. Not much.”

Spock was finally able to return the embrace – he knew now how upset Sarek must be, but his judgment hour had not yet arrived – right not, the Father was simply taking care of the Son. And he was grateful.

“My child, you will have to give me your thoughts.”

“Did you meld with Leonard, Father?” – he asked, with a trembling voice. “Did you remove the bond?”

“I did not meld with him, Spock. He refused.”

“He – _why_?”

“I was hoping we could find out together. That is why I need your thoughts, Spock”, Sarek proposed again, on a gentle tone – already extending one hand to touch his son’s cheek.

“No –“ – he panicked again, and tried to break free from his arms. “No – you cannot – I am not allowing you inside my mind.”

“Spock…”

“No, Father, no!”

“Spock, try to remain calm – I will never meld with you without specific consent.”

Sarek retreated his hand, and deposed Spock on the pillow, seeing how his son had held his arms against his face, wanting to defend himself and prevent any access to his mind. He tried to give him a little space to breathe and moved farther away. It grieved him to see his only child in such a state, and he knew the taste of that pain so well, oh so well.

Spock cuddled in a far corner of the bed, pulling the covers over his knees, up to his chin, as if he wanted to hide under them. He noticed the empty hypospray on the bed and took it in his hand:

“Where do you have this from?”

“Leonard left instructions for us regarding your health. There is one more of these hyposprays. He said it contained nutrients. You must inject it within three standard hours from now.”

“Why would – why would Leonard still care for me?”

“I also wonder. Before leaving, he said that all life is sacred.”

“He is a Doctor – of course. Of course.” – he said, holding the empty hypospray to his chest as if it was a precious relic.

Sarek still found the sight completely heart-breaking. No parent should see his child in such a condition. If he could only spare his pain.

“Did he say – where he was…?”

“He went to Earth. I have given him a shuttle with a good pilot. But Son, he was very specific about the fact that he never wants to see you, or any other member of our race, ever again. He did not press any charges against you, or me as the leader of our planet, or our race. But he was clear about his desire not to meet any of us again.”

Spock looked at his father, lost, unable to even process the information.

“It is over, my son.”

He lost consciousness, his mind incapable to deal with the devastating pain.

 

“I’d like to stay with him for a while”, Amanda said to her husband, lovingly taking his hand.

“Very well. I will be in the garden. My mind is deeply troubled.”

 

He was a full-blooded Vulcan who had seen more than a century; yet, it was nearly unbearable to see his only son suffering _that kind_ of pain. He knew the taste of separation; he knew how it made you want to scream and push everyone away and find the quickest way to the beloved one. He also knew how it felt to helplessly see your own mind shattering, to be unable to control the process, incapable of the simplest _anapanasati_ meditation, unwilling to even eat or drink. He knew all that. He also knew that no amount of love and care from the family, or from another future lover, will be able to wash away the intensity of pain, which forever remained like an open wound, slowly poisoning you, transforming you into a cold statue, with no _feelings_ (because, is it not so, Vulcans do not _feel_ ).

He was content to have a wife like Amanda; he had deep affection for her; he loved her. It had not been a logical choice to take her as his wife; no, he had done it out of genuine love. But it was not the Love which burns you once in a life time, it was not the love that makes you mad; it was not. The only being he had loved that way, AnJoan Grey of Remus, was – as Leonard, from a different species, and they hadn’t adapted. While the Reman had been ready to give everything up for Sarek of Vulcan, his own body had betrayed him – he could not bear the elevated temperature of Vulcan, just as Sarek could not survive in the below-zero environment of Remus. A being of darkness and one of light; together and ever so far away; he had to let him go, because watching him die was not an option.

He touched the X-shaped necklace at his chest – the gift from his beloved. Wonderful memories, flooded in pain, came rushing back: AnJoan Grey at his feet – watching him with adoration – and trying to teach Sarek the Reman pictograms.

 _“The ‘X’ stands for the word ‘Remus’, my Lord Sarek”_ , he explained with his deep, low voice.

 _“How illogical. The ‘X’ should stand for the letter ‘X’ and nothing more”_ , Sarek’s orderly mind rebelled.

_“Very well. From now on, the ‘X’ will stand for the letter ‘X’ at my Lord Sarek’s command.”_

_“But you cannot change the meaning of pictograms just because I find them inappropriate.”_

AnJoan had then removed the X-shaped pendant and gently placed it around Sarek’s neck:

_“From now on, ‘X’ means ‘I love you, I adore you and you are my entire life’.”_

Silently, Sarek removed his own IDIC necklace that all Vulcans wore, and gently placed it around his beloved’s neck.

_“Keep this forever.”_

Sarek stopped by the pond and pressed the necklace harder onto his chest, as if he wanted to engrave it in his very flesh. Lost is the time of our bliss, my love, forever lost…

 

“Mother”.

“Oh, my baby”, Amanda whispered, throwing her arms around her 34 year old son who would for ever be _her baby_ , despite everyone’s protests.

Spock melted into her embrace, finding a bit of comfort and the courage to allow his tears flow.

“He will never forgive me, Mother.”

She caressed his silky hair, now in disorder, and held him close, knowing he would read her unconditional, non-judgmental love – the love of a mother, worried for the well-being of her child.

“Do not say that, Spock. Humans have an immense ability to forgive, it is in their nature. A Vulcan may never forgive; but when a human tells you he will never forgive, be sure that there are more chances he does so than if he hadn’t said anything.“

Spock broke free from the embrace, looking at her with weary eyes.

“Are you saying… are you saying – I should not give him up?”

“All I am saying, Spock”, she said, running her fingers through his hair – “is that you should not lose hope. No one, Vulcan or Human, can live without hope. As long as you are still alive, there _is_ hope.”

“But he said – I mean, Father said – that Leonard never wants to see any of us again.”

“Yes, humans often say such radical things. _I will never forgive you, I hate you, I never want to see you again_ … you just have to be persistent and break through their defences.”

“Defences?”

“Yes. They – we – are building up walls around our hearts, when the pain is too large to be endured. We are barricading our true feelings in a fortress. However, as you well know, every fortress can be breached. I saw Leonard, Spock. He worships you.”

“But Father said it is _o- over_ …” – the word hurt.

“Of course he did. He is Vulcan and he holds honour among the highest values. If someone tells him they never want to see him again, he will believe it to be an absolute truth. But there are no such things as _absolute truths_ – except maybe in geometry.”

Spock gave her a faint smile – it was a beginning.

“Father will punish me.”

Amanda frowned, caressing his forehead for a while.

“He might. But think nothing bad of him, Spock. He is a man who cares about duty and honour.”

“I know, Mother. I will bear my punishment with whatever dignity I have left.”

 

Sarek returned after a while, and took his turn near Spock. He gave him the second hypospray:

“Please, my son.”

Spock injected it himself in his own neck, and kept the empty case. He would have kissed it, hadn’t Sarek been present – just because Leonard’s beautiful hands had touched it.

“Are you still unwilling to share your thoughts with me, Spock?”

“Forgive me, Father. I cannot.”

“Not even if I give you my word I will not touch your bond, provided it is still there?”

“I know you have the hand of a healer, Father… And I know you would not harm or alter anything in my mind… but please understand… my pain is too large. It is not the pain of a broken bond… it is the pain of a full bond, which is… unfulfilled.”

“I know that pain.” – Sarek said softly.

“What is my punishment, Father?”

Sarek frowned. Such blunt questions, as if nothing mattered anymore.

“Do you wish to discuss your punishment now, son? There will be time for that. You must first get better, you are much weakened. In this condition, you cannot fulfil even five percent of your punishment.”

“I only wish to know what it is, Father.”

Spock contemplated the tired features of his son. So young and already in so much pain, ready to face a harsh punishment. However, he appreciated the fact that he was being brave and had stopped complaining. He seemed to be calmer and more composed and willing to discuss things logically.

“As your Father, there is nothing more gruesome than to punish you, Spock. However as the ruler of our planet, I cannot let such an act go unpunished. You will be banished from Vulcan for a duration of four years.”

“Where do you want me to go?” – he asked matter-of-factly.

“To Earth.”

“Earth…?” – Spock whispered, not quite believing his ears. His Father wanted him to go to Earth, to the place where there were most chances of him meeting Leonard?

“To Earth, yes, and not just anywhere. I want you to enlist in Starfleet and go to the Academy. You will report to my friend, Captain Christopher Pike. He will help you through the admission process.”

Spock’s eyes had widened.

“Let me see if I understood this correctly. You want me to go to Starfleet Academy.”

“Affirmative. This is what I said.”

“But… Father… there will be plenty of occasions for me to meet Leonard, this way. I mean… there are chances.”

“Yes, there are”, he said calmly.

“But you said Leonard refuses to see me and I must not seek him out.”

“I am well aware of that, my son, but if you should meet by chance, I believe no one can blame you of anything.”

Spock got out of the bed – still weak, he momentarily lost balance, but determination was clearly written on his face.

“You – you – want me to have a chance, do you not?”

Sarek stood up from the margin of the bed and gently put his hands on his son’s shoulders.

“I want you to have a chance – if there is even the slightest chance that you reconcile with your chosen mate, I want you to take that chance. I will do everything in my power to help you. So go there, enlist in Starfleet and be the best. Take every chance possible.”

“Why? Why are you helping me?” – Spock asked with a trembling voice, taking his Father’s hands into his. “And Starfleet? I thought you despised Starfleet.”

“Oh, I do. But I do not want you to live with this pain. If there is even the slightest possibility to be with Leonard, you will take advantage of it. What kind of a Father would I be, to shape your life according to what I despise?”

“Can I go right away?”

Sarek _almost_ smiled.

“I will have to say no to that, Son. You are weak, tired, dehydrated and in no shape to present yourself to the admission examination for Starfleet. So let us make a plan. You will rest, eat, exercise, and one week from now you may go. That is when Christopher is waiting for you. What do you say?”

“There is only one thing I can say: Yes, Father.”

“At last”, Sarek said, sensing how hope was slowly rebuilding his son’s confidence and willingness to live.

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, he took his Father’s air vehicle and went up the mountain, to his house. He wanted to take one more look to the place where his happiness had been built. Amanda had told him that Leonard did not leave right away, that he remained for a while longer, in order to “meditate”. He tried to imagine how it would be like – to simply open the door and find him there. To say _Leonard?_ – and to hear – _Yes, Master_ …

“Leonard?” – he said, illogical as it was, opening the door.

But silence, heavy and eerie, crushed him.

The house was empty – a mirror image of his life.

His eyes rested upon the spotless floor – no leaves, no dust; he inhaled the smell of clean wood. Near the couch – a withered Edelweiss flower. He went and knelt there – where his beloved Leonard had knelt so often in their ten days of happiness; he picked the delicate flower in his hands – a memento of their bliss – now gone.

He remained there for a long time, trying hard to order his thoughts and failing; the pain was too new, raw, absorbing most of his energy. Tired, he lay on the hard surface, caressing it with his palm; he felt like a wounded animal; unable to live, because life was unbearable; unable to die, because there was a small hope to at least _see_ Leonard again – a chance that he would not miss. He leaned his forehead against the floor, then touched it with his lips. _You have walked on this surface, my love. You have washed it with your beautiful hands. Forever without you, forever will I be tormented by your absence: I am kissing the shadows of your steps._

 

 

Leonard had been drinking way too much, even for someone who was from the South. He felt dizzy, he had thrown up a couple of times and his head was hurting atrociously. He couldn’t quite remember how he’d gotten back to the hotel from that joint called _Crazy Horse_ – or was it _Black Horse?_ Something with horses anyways.

Gosh, did his head hurt or what?

He was positive he had a hypo for that – but no, nonono, no such mistakes. You have been drinking so that other stuff hurts besides your soul. Mission accomplished.

Dammit, he was going to throw up again. He fell from the bed, unable to stand, and crashed on the floor.

The impact with the hard surface had a sudden effect upon his exhausted and intoxicated mind – he immediately _woke up_ to reality, as if having been poured cold water over his head. He remained there, flat on his belly, closing his eyes and caressing the dirty carpet with his fingers. You are such a pathetic loser, McCoy. Drinking to forget? Do you actually believe you can forget?

He closed his eyes, his eyelids tight, separating him from the reality that was stubbornly consistent. He bit his lips hard until he felt blood – had it actually been a time when He – He – touched those lips with his? It seemed so far away; a dream, a nightmare.

I fell on my knees in front of you; but I will not _fall down_. You have broken me; I will rebuild. Stay there and be a King. I will stay here and be the shadow of the man I was before I met You, and be yours, forever yours. No one else will have me; no one will touch me – my mind, my body, my soul. I left you. I left you and I worship you, and I will continue to do so, with the last breath that I will take.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you if you want to drop a line or a short review. It means very much to me. This story is written with much heartache and your words are my only reward.
> 
> My Tumblr:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/anjoangrey
> 
> Facebook:  
> https://www.facebook.com/AnJoan-Grey-1396337104020854/

Leonard had stopped drinking. It was completely idiot to ruin his head, his stomach, liver and other internal organs on booze. It was not as if he will ever be able to forget. He’d better deal with it. The second morning, he got out of the bed, showered and dressed in a new uniform, then went to the Medical Department of the Academy to supervise the treatment received by the patients suffering from the Phage. The healing process had started and the results were promising.

As he was walking among the beds, he remembered how Spock had helped him synthesise the vaccine and how many blissful hours of research they had spent together in Spock’s laboratory, almost without talking, their minds attuned. And how they took small breaks in order to meld…

Melding, oh how his mind was craving it. Screaming for it! And yet, it will never happen again. He could not forgive –

Could he really not forgive?

He stopped between two beds, focusing his attention inwards. He had forgiven him – or, better said, he hadn’t really accused him of anything. He was the Master. He will for ever be that. He could do, and take, and say anything he wanted. Then why did you leave, why did you leave, Leonard McCoy?

A patient on a nearby bed moaned in pain, pulling him abruptly out if his reverie. No more time for daydreaming; the damage is done. Get on with your life. What life? My life is there on that mountain –

Oh, the voices, screaming in my mind once more, all at the same time; you need to stop. I am Leonard McCoy. You will not break me.

He spent the day in the hospital, making sure every patient received the best possible care. He stayed with each of them and talked, made sure they were comfortable, being a doctor, a nurse, a friend, everything each of them needed. Anything to keep his own mind from wandering. Anything to prevent the angry voices scream in his own mind. He would put everything in order. He had to.

 

The week passed slowly and he had been advised that the Enterprise will soon arrive to pick him up; they were to attend a very important briefing before their forthcoming mission. He was looking forward to seeing Jim and changing the ideas a little. But Jim will want to go out, have a few drinks perhaps, and then hit on some chicks… the way he was flirting with everyone… The thought that he would be with someone, man or woman – it didn’t matter anymore now – suddenly turned his stomach upside down. Being touched by someone else except –

His mind was barely functioning. In the past couple of days he had very little sleep, if any. Sleeping without a meld was a torture. Being without him was more than a torture – it was hell, pure and simple, unleashed and unbearable.

His communicator chimed and he pulled it out of his pocket, answering angrily.

<McCoy.>

<Booooones! I’m here!!! Your Daddy’s back to Frisco bay! Where are you, old man! Hit me up!>

Leonard removed the communicator from his ear, waiting for Jim to stop screaming.

<I am at the Hospital, working. I’ll meet you when I’m done.>

<Oooooh nono, I’m coming to pick you up! Dress nicely, the night is young!>

<Gosh okay, but you don’t have to scream. Fine, text me when you’re at the reception.>

<Excellent, excellent! Love you Bones!>

Yes, this was going to be difficult. But he had to readapt to life among humans. He had to make the efforts. He changed out of the white sterile clothes into his science blue shirt and a pair of trousers and went to meet the world.

“Bonesy, old man!” – Jim exclaimed, wrapping his arms around him tumultuously – which for some reason, made Leonard’s stomach clench for a moment.

“Hey, easy, you brat. I’m tired.”

“Don’t you worry, we’ll have such a restful evening, you’ll be good as new in the morning!”

Leonard seriously doubted that.

“When did you guys arrive? And what the hell happened to the Neutral Zone?”

“Fuck the Neutral Zone! Let us not talk business tonight. Tonight there will be only food, whiskey, and some pretty ladies to entertain us! We’ll go to the debriefing tomorrow morning.”

“I’m not in the mood for <pretty ladies>, Jim.” – Leonard warned.

“You’re never in the mood, but we both know you get warmed up easily. We’re going to Café Royale!”

“Fine, whatever.”

Jim dragged him into an air taxi and they proceeded towards the bar.

“So how did things end with the hobgoblin?” – Jim wanted to know.

Leonard visibly flinched at the crass question but he steeled himself.

“Don’t call him that.”

“Ooooh, sensitive, aren’t we? Fine, let me rephrase. How did things go with the King’s pointed-eared son?”

“Alright”, he said, looking downwards.

“What do you mean alright? Has he done any weird stuff to you? Not that it wasn’t entirely weird if you ask me.”

“He did not”, Leonard answered, trying to dismiss the subject. There was no way ever that someone would find out what had really taken place there. As he had promised to Sarek, it was their secret, and their secret alone. No one would know. Not Jim, nor the Starfleet, no one.

“Cool then”, Jim said, forgetting about the topic in the next second. “I was thinking about ordering a large quantity of fries and perhaps some sushi… I need a large meal…”

“Fries and sushi?? Good God, man!”

“What?”

“That’s… disgusting! Settle for the fries and a salad.”

“Gosh I swear, you, the vegetarian people, are the most boring ever!”

Their simple meals, kreyla bread and yoghurt, homemade jam, fruit from the garden. Pancakes. Oh, the pain, the pain, rushing back in torrents!

“Bones? Bones?”

“What.”

“Are you car-sick again?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna, you know, throw up on me?”

“There are chances.”

“Gosh, I swear I don’t know how you can work on a star-ship!”

“Sometimes I also wonder.”

Leonard remained silent until their destination, wondering what Spock was doing right now. It was evening; so probably he was preparing dinner. Perhaps he had already found another prisoner, someone surely better than himself, someone to meld with, to share a bed with, to –

He took a deep breath, trying not to vomit. He removed Jim’s hand from his arm and rushed outside, trying to calm the spasms in his stomach.

“Jesus, Bones. Have you been drinking?”

“I’m not feeling well, kid.”

“Yes, I figured that out already. Wanna go back to the hotel?”

Leonard was tempted to say yes, but then he could not spend an entire life hiding from people.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Just get me a lemonade. With no alcohol in it.”

“Gosh, no alcohol, fine.”

 

The entire evening was more of a torture rather than a nice occasion to have fun and to spend time with his best friend. He had to maintain the appearance of joviality and pretend he merely had a case of upset stomach, because of the damn air taxi. Everyone knew he had car-sickness and space-sickness and aviophobia. Jim was chatting endlessly, about anything, mostly he was cursing Romulans, those arrogant bastards, and their new allies, the Remans, who had this weird Emperor, AnJoan Grey, now the ally of the Romulan Praetor, and they were planning to –

“Jim, for the love of God Almighty, you said we won’t be talking about Romulans!”

“Rightrightright, Imsorryimsorryimsorry.”

“Let them go to hell with their so-called Romulus-the-pearl-of-the-quadrant and their AnJoan Grey and everyone.”

“I don’t think that Grey dude should go to hell, God, I mean you should see him, Bones! Even Satan would run away if he saw it.”

“ _It_?”

“Yeah, well, _it._ It’s so hideous that you’d have three weeks of nightmares.”

“Oh, really? What’s he like? Would be nice to replace my own nightmares with some new ones. Do you have a holo of him?”

“Yeah, took a couple. Are you sure? He’s fucking horrible.”

“I’m a Doctor, Jim. I’m not easily impressed.”

Jim took out his padd, pressed a few buttons and projected a 3D image of the Reman Emperor, AnJoan Grey.

To say he looked hideous would have been an understatement. He looked like a demon of the ancient times, with translucent skin, long and sharp talons that looked deadly, sharp teeth and piercing bright-green eyes. He wore dark clothes and an ample cloak. Leonard looked at the hologram with curiosity; he had never seen a being of this species. He had a strange-looking necklace around his neck. He enhanced that particular section of the hologram and he felt his blood freeze when he recognized the round IDIC necklace that Spock also wore.

He stared at it for a while in disbelief. What connection could possibly exist between the hideous Reman and the exceptionally beautiful Vulcan race – and moreover, why was the Reman wearing that particular necklace? _Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations_. And my pain is also infinite… Then why did you leave? You could have stayed. I wanted to stay – but not by force…!!!

“Bones.”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at it for five minutes. Now let me show you something a little more interesting… we’ve got a new science officer, you know?”

“Hmmm?”

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming. Look.”

Jim changed the repulsive image of the Reman Emperor with the image of a gorgeous blonde woman in Starfleet Uniform.

“Eh? What do you say?”

“Who is she?”

“Carol Marcus. She’s Admiral Marcus’ daughter.”

“Okay. Can you send the hologram of that Reman guy to my padd?”

“Why the hell for?”

“For study.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I sent you the holo of the nice lady?”

“Nah.”

“You don’t like nice ladies?”

“Nah.”

“Then what, nice men?”

“Perhaps.”

“Oooooh, hot! I didn’t know.”

“Why do you care anyways?”

“Perhaps I’m interested, mr. Grumpy!”

“Get lost, kid.”

“Fine, wow.”

Jim abandoned the idea of courting Bones because, really, they were like brothers, gosh, brrr! No, he could joke about it but he could not really imagine it.

“Let’s walk back to the hotel, Jimmy-boy.”

“But it’s three miles away!”

“And what, you are out of shape? I will put you on a strict diet and exercise program when we’re back to the ship.”

“But I haven’t eaten my second serving of fries.”

“And there aren’t much chances you do.”

Leonard dragged a belligerent Jim back to the hotel; Jim felt like singing; like celebrating. He was in a very good mood. He wished he could share his friend’s mood and enjoy good times together; but he couldn’t. It was terrible. He felt detached, as if half of him was missing, as if he wasn’t actually participating in that thing called _life_ but only observing it from the side of the road. Above all, his head was hurting terribly and he started to understand the full impact of separation. No melds, no proximity, no quiet moments, no him, no _us…_ there will never be _us_ again. Divided we fall…

 

<Kirk to Bones. Rise and shiiiiiiiine, sleepy!!!>

<Woke up two hours ago, you brat.>

<Huh? At 6 in the morning? Why the hell for?>

<I’m a morning person.>

<Whatever Bones! Now get your ass into the uniform and let’s go, debriefing’s in one hour. I need time to grab a bite on our way.>

<But you ate shrimps, fries and sushi, you cannot possibly be hungry again!>

<That was 7 hours ago. My God, Bones, you sound as if you want me to eat healthy or something.>

<I’ll meet you downstairs, brat.>

 

Leonard took his med-bag, because you never knew what sort of trouble you would get yourself into when hanging out with Jim Kirk, and went downstairs to the reception. Jim came soon after, complaining about the poor replicator coffee and wanting to have someone make him some yummy sandwiches. Unfortunately, there were no volunteers. They proceeded towards Starfleet Headquarters, with Jim turning his head after nearly any girl and after some men too, because what’s wrong with enjoying a little diversity.

Leonard loved the large garden surrounding Starfleet Headquarters: an oasis among the glass buildings. An old oak tree was standing proudly right in the middle, and he loved it since his med-school days.

Strange, he thought. He seemed to have problems hearing, all of a sudden – he could see Jim’s lips moving but he could not actually hear what he was saying. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate – the _bond_ which had been lying dormant in his mind, had suddenly burst back into existence, humming, humming loudly; he stopped, shaking his head, trying to get his senses back.

“Hell, it’s that pointed-eared bastard”, Jim said, taking Leonard’s arm, protectively.

“Wh-what?...” – he managed to whisper.

“Look.”

He turned Leonard to the right, in time to see Christopher Pike coming straight their way, with –

With Spock of Vulcan right by his side.

 

Their eyes locked, even from that distance. He could not make a single step, and remained right there, gazing at him approaching; Jim had tried unsuccessfully to make him start walking again – it was as if he had grown roots. There he was – the beloved one, his Master and the love of his life, heading straight towards him.

Millions of impressions, memories and feelings rushed back into his mind, screaming, screaming, urging him to take action, he had to run, he could not face him, they could not be close, they could not stand in front of one another and exchange polite greetings, they couldn’t – he couldn’t. He should look away. He tried to look away, such a defying gesture in his mind, but he was unable to.

There he was, there he was, calmly approaching him, the beautiful Edelweiss flower.

They stopped – the four of them facing one another – Leonard could not look away, could not see anything else but him, but him…

“Captain Pike, Sir.”

“Hello James, Leonard.”

Jim frowned upon seeing his friend’s transfixed look. There was something going on there – what had actually happened on Vulcan? What had that bastard done to his best friend? Guilt and anger started to arise – he had been the one allowing Leonard to stay there, he had been the one risking Leonard’s life for the sake of Edelweiss flowers! What if he had abused Leonard? And what the hell was he doing on Earth now, at Christopher Pike’s arm? Had he come here to – what?

“Congratulations for the exceptional breakthrough, Leonard. I cannot even begin to count the number of lives you are saving with the Phage vaccine”, Pike said, extending a hand towards Leonard.

With what seemed an inhuman effort, Leonard looked towards Pike and responded to the gesture, shaking his hand. He felt Spock’s eyes darkening – he did not even have to look – the Vulcan could not stand to see someone else touching his Leonard.

“May I present you Spock. He has just arrived from Vulcan and will be presenting himself for the admission exam to the Academy.”

“Oh really?” – Jim snapped, incapable of controlling himself anymore. “And why is that, Mr. Vulcan? Have you gotten bored of your little dungeon, perhaps? Or have you come to hunt my friend some more? Huh?”

“Kirk! What in the world are you talking about?”

“He’s taken – “

“Enough, Jim!” – Leonard snapped.

Spock hadn’t said a single word since they met.

“Gentlemen”, Pike spoke on a rather strict tone. “If there is a problem, I want to hear about it now.”

There was a moment of heavy, uncomfortable silence, and even Jim didn’t dare to continue.

“There is no problem whatsoever, Captain”, Leonard spoke, his voice just slightly trembling. “Mr. Spock has been of great help in the process of synthesizing the serum for the Phage. You must be aware that we have obtained Edelweiss flowers from the planet Vulcan. We are all very grateful to him.”

“Indeed? I didn’t know that. Spock, you are as secretive as ever.”

As ever? Had they met before? Had Christopher Pike been one of his former prisoners, perhaps? One of his former lovers? Jealousy split Leonard’s heart in pieces. He so wanted to strangle Pike with his bare hands. He turned his head once more towards Spock, to meet the same impassive features and dark, almost black eyes, studying, analysing his every gesture.

The bond flared up, even brighter, and he so – so wanted to touch the Master, even with a single fingertip, his mind, his body, everything was screaming for a closer proximity. Every cell in his body. Every thought in his mind. Everything belonged to Spock of Vulcan

No! No, no! – his mind rebelled once more, only to be silenced by the dark, demanding look.

“Good luck with your admission exam.” – Leonard managed to say – the first words addressed to him directly.

There was no hostility in Leonard’s tone, but restrained, controlled politeness.

“Thank you, Doctor.” – the Vulcan spoke, on a neutral, also thoroughly controlled tone.

No more _Leonard_.

“Come on, Spock” – Pike said, giving Jim a last warning look, and they left.

Leonard couldn’t make himself move yet. Slowly, as if in extremely slow motion, he turned his head to look after Spock – just in time to see that he had also turned towards him.

_Master_ , his soul, his mind cried!

Run, you idiot, his reason revolted.

But then, Jim took Leonard’s arm and dragged him away from there.

After a little while, he could actually focus to what the hell he was saying. Something with pointed-eared, bastard, stupid flowers, who does he think he is, if he even touches you – I’ll, come on we’ll be late, Bones are you okay, Bonesbonesbones, say something, gosh, I swear if I ever see him again, he thinks he’s cool if his old man’s a king, would like to break his neck, my god –

“Good God, man, just shut up already.”

“Shit. You really fucking scare me sometimes, Bones.”

“Yes, I am very scary, I know” – he said, with a little more self-control and starting to actually see where he was stepping, even though two dark eyes were for ever embedded in his consciousness – looking straight into his mind, into his soul.

 

“Glad you could join us, gentlemen”, Admiral Marcus said, not without irony – everyone was already there, except them. Seven minutes late.

“I apologize, Admiral. We ran into Captain Pike on our way here.”

“Sit down, Kirk. First of all, I want to congratulate Doctor Leonard McCoy for the remarkable achievement that has already saved many lives and will undoubtedly save millions more in the near future. All stand,” – he commanded, and all the officers stood up.

The Admiral came to Leonard and looked straight into his eyes:

“By order 209 of Starfleet, issued today, stardate 2610.15, you are hereby awarded the Starfleet Medal of Honor. Congratulations, Doctor. We are very proud of you.”

Leonard’s mind registered the fact as if it was a grocery list. He did manage a faint smile and a handshake with the Admiral. Starfleet, research and medicine had been his entire life; he would have been thrilled to no end, three weeks ago, to receive one of Starfleet’s most important decorations. But right now, it just seemed pointless. His life was not here; it was somewhere else.

“Please, be seated” the Admiral continued. Captain Kirk, gentlemen, your next mission is a lengthy one. As you know, there is a stable Wormhole near the planet Remus. Due to the successful diplomatic proceedings mediated by Captain Kirk last week with the Reman Emperor and the Romulan Praetor, we have been granted safe passage for exploration. The Enterprise will be the first vessel to chart the Delta Quadrant. You will spend four years there. A mission of this duration has never been accomplished. All information we currently detain has been fed into you respective consoles. Questions?”

“Does our mission also include establishing first contact with various species?” – Jim wanted to know.

“If they are Warp civilisations, yes. If not, in all circumstances the Prime Directive stands.”

“Mineral and biological samples – are we allowed to collect?” – Leonard asked.

“Yes.”

Good – at least he would do research and keep his mind occupied.

Other questions followed, but he was not listening to them anymore. Let them deal with everything. He knew that Jim was very thorough, even though he was only 25 years old now; he always prepared carefully for everything, to the tiniest detail, and made sure every single one of his men aboard the Enterprise knew what to do and his task would be interesting and challenging. Also, he took extra-precautions to ensure everyone’s safety.

Still, four years was a hell of a lot of time to spend in space, he thought.

“When are we leaving?” – Kirk asked.

“Tomorrow at dawn. We are refuelling the Enterprise now. Good luck and God speed, gentlemen.”

Tomorrow – at dawn?

He had hoped – or he had perhaps dreaded the possibility – that he could see Spock once again before leaving. There would be no such chances. So close now, on the same planet, in the same city, and still apart; the amount of pain increased once more to unknown intensities.

He stood up, as the meeting had been dismissed, and proceeded towards the exit.

“Bones, hold on! Where are you going?”

“I want to make a few more rounds at the hospital and provide instructions for the patients that are already receiving treatment. If we’re going to leave tomorrow, I want to make sure everyone is fine.”

“But…”

“But what? Do you need me for anything?”

“Well, I was hoping… dunno. Want me to come with you?”

“Why the hell are you so clingy? You look like a lost puppy. Don’t you have things to do, Mr. Starship Captain?”

“A whole bunch of things to do, but I don’t wanna leave you all alone. You could run into that pointed-eared bastard again.”

“And is he going to abduct me, or what?” – he asked, with bitter irony, after which he just left.

 

 

He spent the entire day at the hospital. He bought a sandwich from the hotel’s bar and went to his room – it was already dark and he was dead tired. He had gotten this habit of working himself to exhaustion, in order to grab a few hours of peaceful sleep. He showered and changed into sleeping clothes, and sat on the bed to look through the latest issue of _Emergency Medicine Journal_.

Someone knocked at the door.

“Jim, I swear to God…” – he mumbled, going to the door and opening it, just to remain breathless for a few moments.

Spock was there.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 0) Warnings: heavy, heavy angst, heartache, separation. Hope.
> 
> 1) The flower for this chapter was offered by one of my readers, and I am very grateful.   
> Flower link:  
> http://nikte-metzli.tumblr.com/image/132542675443
> 
> 2) On Tuesday, November 10, I have my final PhD exam, oral defense. So fingers crossed. I'll hopefully become Dr. AnJoan Grey (Reman Gods help me)
> 
> 3) I would love more reviews, I am writing with blood here - no, I am writing with Reman pictograms - anyway. You dig?

Leonard’s eyes narrowed, his mind lifted ample defences against his Enemy.

“What. Are you doing. Here.” – his tone was bitter, filled with restrained anger.

How dared he come to his door!! How dared he!

After having torn his life apart, after having ripped his heart into pieces, after having kept him a prisoner, after having said he will release him in ten days, after having made love to him as if the end of the world was about to come, after having abducted him, after –

How dared he!

“Let me in, Leonard.”

Not a request. But an order.

“NO! No. I will not. You are SO lucky I did not even press charges. You wouldn’t have had a single chance to the Academy. And how dare you apply to the Academy? Do you think I’m so stupid that I can’t see all the way through your precious little plan? You came here so that you can stalk me some more!”

“Leonard, please”, he asked on a low voice. “Let us not fight in the corridor.”

“Well, I’ve got news for you, Mister Spock”, Leonard continued on the same aggressive tone. “We’re leaving. The Enterprise will be gone for four fucking years, and I’m going with them. Far from you and this godforsaken place and all this shit.”

He stopped all of a sudden, seeing how his Enemy’s eyes had become completely dark all of a sudden. He knew that look; it meant extreme danger; it meant ‘I will not let you go’; it meant ‘You Are Mine’.

Spock pushed Leonard aside and entered the room, closing the door behind him; he advanced towards Leonard, who started walking backwards, looking around him and trying to grab something to hit him with. Without wasting another moment, he took a hold of Leonard’s wrists and pushed him against a wall.

“Do not deny us our last hours together before your departure. I heard your mind calling me! You are mine. You cannot say otherwise. Do not lie to yourself. Do not lie to me.”

Leonard was tense in his hands, although well aware he stood no chance against the Vulcan’s strength. There were one million voices in his mind now, screaming in all directions, pleading, pleading, urging him to give in, urging him to run for his life. Yes, they would leave tomorrow. Perhaps they would never return. He would never see his Enemy again – his Enemy? How could he think of him like that? Was he actually his Enemy, his Master, the love of his life – who was he? What were they? What was he doing here? What did he want? To spend this night with him and tear him to pieces once more, so that he would leave in that stupid four-year mission with more pain, more heartache, more of a shattered mind and a shattered life?

No. I am sorry. I am so sorry but you must – wait, Leonard – what are you going to say? How many restless nights will you spend from tomorrow on – just because you had no courage? If you say _no_ , now, will you be any less _his_? Do you think you will ever belong to _someone else_? Nono – I can’t do this. I won’t allow you to –

“Get out.” – Leonard said.

“Leonard…” – Spock whispered, his own defences crumbling, “Leonard, please”, he said, letting go of his wrists.

“I said – get – out!”

Spock covered his mouth with his hands, his eyes vulnerable all of a sudden. What had he been thinking? That Leonard would just surrender to him, he will just fall on his knees and be grateful that he, Spock of Vulcan, was there? Oh, the bitterness, the burning sorrow of defeat! Leonard was looking at him with eyes full of hatred.

“Why do you hold on to the bond, if you reject me, Leonard? It is illogical. I cannot simply understand. We have a small chance to – “

“There are no chances. Leave, or I will call the security”, Leonard said with determination, reaching out for his communicator. “And I am quite sure that it won’t look good in your file.”

“No – chances?”

“No chances. Ever.”

“You hate me THAT much, Leonard?”

“Hate you? I don’t hate you. I worship you. Now for the last time, Get Out.”

Spock turned towards the door, defeated. He worshipped him, yet he was throwing him out of the room. It was the ultimate pain; he almost preferred that Leonard hated him. At least, he would have seen the logic of it all. But this…?

He went out of the room and the door shut behind him with a loud noise.

He had no direction and purpose now, and no hope. He looked along the corridor, people were coming and going, busy, pushing him aside in their hurry. He sank down on the floor, with his back against the wall, in front of Leonard’s door, his arms around his knees. Leonard’s words _– Get out! –_ had felt like daggers, stabbing him over and over, making his thoughts shatter, his will of living diminish more and more with each passing minute. Leonard did not want to have anything to do with him anymore. Even when he had come here – because Leonard could not give up his precious Starfleet – even now, he said no. He had completely thrown him out of his life. And did he deserve anything better, after having abducted and abused him? No – he did not.

At least, Leonard was close – only five feet away, and they were separated by a door. It was, most certainly, the closest they would get during this lifetime. Leonard had rejected him.

He leaned his forehead against his knees, like a tired homeless man trying to catch a few moments of sleep. People were still passing by, stumbling on him and cursing; nobody stopped to ask if he was feeling ill or needed anything – because nobody ever does. _Homeless_ people have been treated as objects – or obstacles – in all ages; he was now a _homeless_ man, sitting down on a corridor, with no meaning in life, no will to stand and _get on with life_ as they say. He could not _move on_. He could not move at all. There was no will left. There was nothing left.

After long hours, he managed to stand up and leave.

 

Leonard was in a deep state of shock. Had Spock really come here? How did he even find him? Oh wait. He had told him himself that he would be staying at Starfleet Hotel. Of course, how else. And it was not even important. Spock could have accessed any computer terminal and locate him. Or perhaps the bond had brought him here. And what had he done?

He had thrown him out.

So many times he had asked Spock – before their problems even began – to just come with him on Earth – to _just be with him_. And now he was here – and he had told him to _get out_. Why? Just because he could not forgive him for the abduction? How insignificant it all looked now, hours apart from what would most certainly be their definitive separation (because, is it not so, a lot can happen in a four-year mission).

He had refused him a few hours together, before the end. What right did you have to do so, Leonard? How could you refuse him anything? Have you forgotten that he owns you? _He – owns – you_ , Leonard, and you pushed him out of the room, when you should have fallen at his feet and begged him to grant you a single look. What material is your soul made of, Leonard? Concrete? Marble? Basalt?

He started to cry, broken, once more defeated by Spock of Vulcan – no, not by him! By yourself! You are your own Enemy, not him! He came to you and you –

Unable to withstand the pain, Leonard took his coat and rushed outside of the room. He would go look for him right now –

 

Outside, in the street, there was almost no one.

Disoriented, he looked to the left, to the right. Which way to go, and why? He remained still on the sidewalk, gazing downwards, lost and weary. Where to look?

He was cold and very tired. He went to the little park outside the hotel and sat down on a bench. He wrapped his coat tighter around him and covered his face with his palms, crying, endlessly crying.

He had no idea how long he had stayed there for. He felt his communicator buzz in his pocket; startled, he dug after it – a message from Jim - <Sleeping?> \- which he decided to ignore. He couldn’t face people right now, it was too much. He needed a break; they all needed to fuck off. He would push everyone away. He fucking needed space.

Anger. Helplessness. Without you – what am I without you?

He ran his fingers through his hair and noticed it was wet and, in fact, it was raining like hell. He should get inside; but he had no will to stand up from the bench and go.

He should have killed me, he thought. Yes, he should have, since he owns my life. He should have ended it right then and there, when I said those terrible words, when I defied him. When I told him to _get lost_ \- or was it _get out?_ I can’t remember. All it mattered was that he, Leonard McCoy, had once again rejected the most beautiful being that existed, the only being that mattered, the one who owned his life; his every thought; his entire mind; he had told him to _leave_.

It was the crude, barren truth.

Instead of being together now, and perhaps tomorrow, and perhaps forever…

He looked at the communicator which was buzzing again. Jim again – damn that nosey kid. <Breakfast?>

Wait, what time was it anyway? What breakfast? He checked the time – 05:03, Standard Time. He had been out in the rain for the entire night. He was wet and cold. He had to get ready for departure. The shuttle for the senior officers was scheduled to depart at 06:35, Standard Time.

He dragged his feet back to the room; faithful to his morning routine – probably the only one keeping him functioning, he went and showered, changed into a clean uniform and took his small bag in which he had his tricorder and a neatly wrapped rope – his only possessions.

<Sorry. Had a rough night. Will meet you at the shuttle>, he texted Jim, because otherwise the damn kid would send a saving squad after him. He was now imagining he had spent the night with some hot chick, doing all the crazy and sweet things. Tears rushed to his eyes again, his soul cringed in pain. Couldn’t life just end? Couldn’t he just end it now?

Sudden pain passed through the bond – bright and unforgiving, and he knew that, somehow, he was being punished – by the bond itself, by Spock of Vulcan, by God, or by the unknown Gods – for having thought of harming himself. But why, why?

Yes, it was only logical. He had said it, thought it, he believed it: Another Person was the owner of his life – his Master. He could not take what belonged to Another. The bond was pulsating painfully, reminding him that he was alive, alive, alive.

He injected himself a hypospray with nutrients – because honestly, how could he even think of eating? He did manage to drink some water though.

 

He walked to the shuttle, it was still early and he had time. He spotted Jim from afar, whispering something to Lieutenant Uhura – always the charmer! He had been (unsuccessfully) courting her for a while. All he got in return was friendly banter. He approached the merry group – Scotty was there with his little buddy Keenser – rumours said he was going to adopt the tiny creature who was completely dependent on him and followed him everywhere like a pup. Scotty had a big mouth and a big heart, very much like Jim. He liked Scotty. Perhaps they should hang out more.

“Bones!! There you are!” – Jim exclaimed, always so noisy, and punched him lovingly in the shoulder. That was gonna leave a mark, Leonard was sure.

“Hi.” – he said – this was difficult. Adapting to life, learning to be among people again, when you are dead inside, when everything in your mind is S.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.G…

“Whoa, what the hell, Bones, you look awful. What did you do all night?” – he winked.

I cried, and I cried, and it rained, he wanted to say, but he could not share such a thing even with Jim – what would he believe – what would they think, they will laugh –

“What’s **he** doing here?” – Jim tensed, looking over Leonard’s shoulder.

“Who?”

“The pointed-eared bastard. Has he come to see you off?”

Leonard turned immediately –

Spock was there.

 

Dark, shivering, his black cloak soaked with rain – he was there, a dozen feet behind, looking at him, standing at the margin of life.

“Excuse me” – Leonard told Jim, and headed towards Spock of Vulcan, not too fast, looking straight into his eyes, as if he wanted to engrave the image of Him in his mind forever –

He stopped right in front of him and they remained silent, each of them afraid to start talking, afraid of more pan, more heartache. Leonard felt ten pairs of eyes looking at him with curiosity from near the shuttle; he knew Jim had his hand on the phaser and he would have fired at the smallest offensive gesture made by the Vulcan.

He also knew no offensive gestures would be made there. No more attacks. There was little separating them from death. They would not play the last card – not now.

 

Without realizing what he was doing, Leonard extended his hands forward, to take Spock’s. Hesitant and trembling, their hands met; Spock held them tight, advancing towards his wrists, almost not breathing, almost not believing; Leonard’s hands – into his. He looked up to see his eyes – vulnerable – love – submission – guilt – longing – despair – so much to be told, so much to be felt, so much pain – so much pain.

“Leonard…” – he dared to whisper – finally reaching his wrists and holding them tight – and he was not rebelling, was not trying to free his hands, he was not doing anything.

“M…master”, he responded, bowing his head.

Spock took a deep breath, to calm his racing heart down.

“Look at me… we have only minutes left.”

Leonard lifted his head and looked into his eyes.

“You will never – ever – think about harming yourself, Leonard”, Spock said, on a strict, demanding tone – which made Leonard’s soul twist under the impact of sudden memories. “You must promise me this.”

Leonard knew what he had to answer, but it was difficult, oh so difficult to pronounce the words.

“Say it, Leonard.” – he asked, holding his wrists tighter.

It was Leonard’s turn to take a deep breath – there was no turning back.

“Yes, Master”, he whispered, swallowing hard. Spock’s eyes were burning him, looking straight into his mind, into his heart – there was not even the smallest doubt, he belonged to him completely and without any right to rebel; yes – he would take care of his life, because it was someone’s property. He would do that. The only order from Spock of Vulcan – the last one, perhaps – to fulfil, whatever days he had left.

“I must go”, Leonard whispered, his heart sinking even more at the thought of the imminent separation – once again they had reached the dead end; but Leonard knew that should Spock ask him to stay, right now, he would stay. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t argue, fight and disobey him anymore. It was against Life itself.

Spock released his hands. With slow gestures, he removed his IDIC necklace and placed it around Leonard’s neck, under his blouse.

He lifted his hand and touched the meld points on Leonard’s face, gently entering his mind for a brief moment. They both contemplated the bond, burning low in the center of their being, like the trunk of a tree; it was the essence of each of their souls.

“You may go”, Spock said, his voice broken. “I will wait for you right here. Come back to me.”

The pain was so intense, that Leonard thought his body will soon split in two – but he had known worse. This time, he was leaving with his blessing – they were not parting as Enemies – it was a bit, just a bit more bearable.

When Spock broke the meld, Leonard took his hand and kissed it – he was beyond caring that someone may see. Those were his last moments of happiness. He was sure they will not return from this four-year mission. He gave him one last look – his eyes so strong – the eyes that subdued him… his thin body, wrapped in the wet black cloak, his soaked hair, trembling hands – so fragile and vulnerable, so powerful.

Leonard pressed his hand on the necklace under his blouse and bowed with humility, as if he were in front of a high priest – at last, he had the strength to turn around and walk away, towards the shuttle that would take him and his crewmates to the Enterprise.

 

He turned his head one last time, before going inside the shuttle – he was still there.

“Come on, Bones. Let go”, Jim whispered. At last, he seemed to understand the tragedy which his best friend was living.

Leonard was incapable of speaking. He sank on a chair and fastened the seatbelt – _Your safety is my job, Leonard_ , the Master used to say whenever they travelled together and he would not allow him to put on the seatbelt himself – oh, the longing…

A small metallic bottle was suddenly placed under his nose.

“Don’t you dare”, Jim said. “Don’t you dare cry. Come on, have a sip. And you’d better not throw up on me.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” – Leonard managed to say, and drank from the bottle – something that tasted like bandy – he couldn’t care less.

 

The atmosphere on the Enterprise was chaotic, but chaos started to clear as soon as Jim set foot on board. Carol Marcus, the Science Officer, smiled at him sweetly; Pavel Chekov rushed at him with several pads in need of the Captain’s digital signature; Hikaru Sulu gazed downwards at them and shook his head at the useless agitation.

“Flight check complete, Captain, we’re good to go.”

“Understood, Lieutenant. I will come to the Bridge momentarily. Bones? You okay?”

“I’m… I’m fine.”

“The hell you are”, Jim snapped. He took Leonard’s arm and started walking towards MedBay.

“You honestly don’t need to be so clingy, Jim.”

“You honestly need to stop telling me what to do, Bones.”

“Hey, knock it off, kid!” – he snapped.

Jim stopped in the middle of the busy corridor, looking at him with narrowed eyes. After which, illogically enough, he smiled.

“There you go. Come on, Bones. We’ll get over this shit. I’m always here for you. Let’s focus on the mission at hand.”

“Yeah, I… okay.”

He received another friendly punch in the shoulder.

“Why don’t you come to the Bridge after you take things over in the MedBay? We’ll pass by Remus and we’ll stop to greet the Reman Emperor, that Grey guy. You can look at it closer.”

“I wish you didn’t refer to him as _it_ , for God’s sake, Jim, he is a sentient being.”

“Um, well, I just don’t have a thing for sentient werewolves, if you don’t mind?”

Leonard could not help but smile – it was a beginning – somehow, life continued.


	16. Chapter 16

Leonard was on the Bridge, behind Jim’s chair, at his usual place, gazing at the view-screen – they were about to establish contact with the Reman Emperor, AnJoan Grey, and he looked forward to seeing him. There was something about him – a being wearing a Vulcan necklace. After the formal greetings, they were supposed to pass through the wormhole and head towards their destination and mission, the charting of Delta Quadrant.

Jim had negotiated a safe passage through the wormhole, even though he had to fight really hard against the nausea provoked by such a repulsive being.

“Hailing frequencies open, Sir”, Uhura announced.

Leonard’s eyes widened as he saw the strange-looking creature on the screen all of a sudden. He had translucent – almost transparent skin, he could see the blue-green blood vessels underneath it. His eyes looked yellow – oh, and he had sharp teeth and long, equally sharp talons – Jim’s description of a ‘werewolf’ was rather accurate.

AnJoan Grey was wearing black clothes and a large black cloak with silvery geometric motives. The Vulcan IDIC necklace, shining bright, was around his neck, in plain sight.

Leonard skipped a breath upon seeing it. He was aware of the fact that he was staring, yet he could not look away.

“Greetings from the United Federation of Planets, Your Majesty”, Jim spoke. He was an excellent diplomat and as of late he had become an expert in first contact.

“Greetings”, the Reman spoke on a sombre tone.

“As we have previously agreed, we are to pass through the wormhole towards our destination, the Delta Quadrant.”

“Navigation channel 4A2. Sending coordinates to you now”, AnJoan Grey said on a weary tone.

He looked sick, Leonard thought.

“Thank you, Your Majesty. That is gracious of you.”

“Advise of your time of arrival.”

“Four standard years from now.”

“You will no longer find me, four years from now. I will leave instructions for your return trip to my successor.”

Jim exchanged a confused look with Leonard.

“Why is that, if I may ask, Your Majesty? Are you going to name a successor and retreat?”

“I am going to die.”

What? Leonard thought. This being could not die. He was important. He belonged to someone.

“I am very sorry to hear that, Your Majesty, but perhaps we can help? We have a very good doctor here, who has recently developed a vaccine for the disease named _Phage_ – I am sure we could find a solution to whatever ails you…”

“Thank you, Captain, but that will be all for now. You may proceed towards the wormhole.”

“Wait, wait”, Leonard stepped in – to Jim’s surprise, Bones had never ever interfered in a discussion of any sort or in negotiations. Why was he suddenly –

Leonard removed his own necklace from under the blouse so that the Reman emperor could see it.

“Look at me”, Leonard said.

All eyes on the Bridge turned towards that completely non-diplomatic, non-orthodox, non-Starfleet and impolite statement. Jim’s expression reflected pure shock, and hadn’t the Reman been watching them, he would have probably smacked Bones. Really, that’s how we talk to an Emperor?

But strangely enough, AnJoan Grey looked at Leonard. His eyes widened for a moment as they rested on the silvery necklace.

“Your name?” – he requested.

“Doctor Leonard McCoy. Let me come see you.”

“Come”, AnJoan agreed immediately, after which the transmission ended abruptly.

“What the hell, Bones? You can’t say stuff like that to an Emperor!”

“Why not? He agreed to let me treat him”, he said proceeding towards the transporter room, with Jim in tow.

“Yes, but, dunno! There are diplomatic protocols! What if he gets angry? What if he smashes us into a quantum filament during our passage through the wormhole? What if we can’t return? In circumstances like these, extreme politeness – “

Leonard stopped and cupped Jim’s face:

“Stop. I promise you nothing is going to happen. I will treat him and he will be all right. And he will also be your best friend forever after my visit.”

“Huh? Bones, you are not making any sense.”

“Just trust me this once, Jim.”

Leonard stepped on the transporter pad and glared at Scotty:

“Energize.”

Scotty gave Leonard a confused look, then an even more confused one to Jim:

“Energize? To where? Oh wait. Coordinates have just been received.”

“Just do it, Mr. Scott” – Jim answered. “Dr. McCoy is going to be the death of me.”

“I would not worry about that”, Scotty laughed, as Leonard’s form was dematerializing in front of their very eyes. “He is known for his ability to cure everything, including death.”

“Yeah, I know. Sometimes he is just too much to handle.”

 

AnJoan Grey was waiting for him in front of his own transporter pad. As soon as Leonard materialized, he rushed to him and placed his trembling hand on the Doctor’s chest, over the necklace, with veneration.

Leonard resisted the temptation to make a step back; from a close distance, the Reman looked dangerous, a predator who could kill him in an instant.

“Please, do not fear me – Leonard? Have I understood your name correctly?”

“Yes. Leonard. Greetings, Your Ma-“

“No, no. Call me AnJoan. Come on. I will take you somewhere warm.”

“That is not necessary, I have a field generator belt. It adjusts temperature and air composition for my needs.”

AnJoan took his arm and proceeded out of the transporter room, to his own quarters.

“Have you seen my Lord Sarek?” – he asked, his voice trembling.

“So Sarek is the one…”

“The One, yes.”

“I have seen him roughly two weeks ago.”

AnJoan opened the door to his quarters and simply collapsed on a chair.

“How is he? Is he in good health? Did he convey any message for me? Please tell me everything, Leonard. What was he wearing?”

“Wait”, Leonard smiled. “I will tell you everything. But first tell me why are you ill”, he asked, taking his medical tricorder out and starting to scan him.

“Sometimes the pain is too large. I am not sick. I am – I am – “

The imposing Emperor, whom an entire galaxy feared, covered his face with his hands and started to cry, unashamed of the human’s presence. He felt he had a friend in Leonard, someone who would understand his pain, who had perhaps lived the same pain.

“Separation”, Leonard understood. “Sometimes it gets unbearable.”

“Yes”, AnJoan said, not looking at him.

“He was doing very well, until I arrived on his planet anyway. By the way, I belong to his son. You do not have a rival in me.”

“I know. I can see your bond.”

“You can – nevermind that.” Leonard took a seat near him on a chair and took his hand, gently.

“Careful”, the Emperor warned. “I am poisonous.”

“I am notorious for creating antidotes. Do not worry. Your Master is well and in good health. Not to mention, beautiful as the sun.”

“My – _Master_? How do you know – why do you call him that?”

“I know how things go with Vulcans. I told you, I belong to his son. I know about the submission they require, and about how love grows until you go mad, and I know about the pain, the heartache and the separation.”

AnJoan wiped away his tears and looked at Leonard.

“My young friend… we are so alike, it seems.”

“That, we are. But you must remember – you gave him your life – didn’t you? You have the obligation to guard it, because it no longer belongs to you.”

AnJoan looked at him silently for a moment.

“You speak with such confidence, my young friend, but I can feel your pain. Tell me what had happened to you.”

Leonard sighed. Part of him dreaded the memories; but another part wanted to share the experiences with a being that would surely understand him. For the next hour, he told him all the story, of how he met Spock, how he was kept ‘a prisoner’ for ten days; how he had met Sarek and Amanda; he had to describe each scene with a lot of details, because AnJoan wanted to know the tiniest thing that Sarek had spoken, what had he been wearing, what was he doing with his hands, and every other thing that Leonard could remember. He indulged him; all that the Reman had – was just the distant shadow of memories.

“Have you reconciled with your own Master?” – AnJoan asked.

“I… don’t know”, Leonard confessed. “We, uh… had a moment before my departure. A brief moment of peace.”

“Leonard, my young friend. Listen to my advice. As time goes by, the pain of the separation only increases. This is not mere longing; it is beyond that. You have his bond; wherever you go, the bond will constantly call for him; it will hurt; it will make your thoughts shatter and your hands tremble; it will tear you apart and make you scream.”

“Yeah… I already have some insight about that.”

“It will get much worse. You will want to stop living. As I wanted before you arrived.”

“How did you even meet Sarek of Vulcan?” – Leonard asked, trying to change the subject.

“He was a high Ambassador of the Vulcan home-world; I was – what I am today, the Emperor of Remus. We were attending a reception; nothing out of the ordinary. He was dressed in a white robe; he looked… celestial, a being of light, radiating purity and strength… I thought I was dreaming. I loved him from the first moment…”

“Love at first sight, huh…”

“Exactly. He calmly walked towards me, as he felt my strong emotions. I was his opposite in every way: cold, dark, gloomy, ugly, a monster. I started walking backwards”, AnJoan said with a smile, “until I eventually hit a wall. He stood there in front of me, proud and beautiful, then he touched my face with his fingers – and the next moment, I felt him in my head.”

“A meld.”

“Yes, that Vulcan mind-thing. Then, I heard the word ‘mine’ deeply embedded in my consciousness – and something like a burning tree growing inside me.”

“A bond – he gave you a bond from the first moment?”

“Yes. We had not even said _hello_ to one another.”

“And then??” – Leonard wanted to know. He had thought Spock was ruthless; now he knew where he was inheriting this feature from.

“And then, diplomatic affairs drew our immediate attention and we could not talk; we were… separated, and met years later when he summoned me on that hot hell which is the planet Vulcan. We have spent one day together; it had been the most beautiful day of my entire life, and the memory of it will forever be engraved in my mind. I wanted to remain with him; I would have abdicated and allowed my Empire to simply fall apart; I did not care.”

“Oh wow. He must have hated the idea. He is a man who appreciates responsibility and has a great sense of duty…”

“I know… I know… he did not allow me. He sent me back to my home-world, saying that he will not see me again; we were too different, biologically; only our minds were attuned, in perfect synch. Every other aspect of our physical form was of such a nature that it was impossible for us to be close. I obeyed his order and returned home. Later, I found out that he had taken a human woman – Amanda, which you mentioned. I knew that I had lost him for ever.”

“AnJoan” – Leonard said, not even realising he was addressing him improperly – “but as I understand, your relationship with Sarek was not… uh… of a sexual nature.”

“We, the Remans, do not reproduce by sexual intercourse and neither do we share carnal pleasures. We conceive by transferring to our partner the _loinnir_ – it is a combination of light, matter and energy, our life-essence if you will.”

“And how does this transfer take place?” – Leonard asked in complete fascination.

“By the touch of lips.”

“By kissing.”

“Yes, I think _kissing_ is an approximate description of the process.”

“I really do not think Amanda will object against your presence, AnJoan. Why don’t you seek Sarek out? Nowadays adapting to a specific climate is no longer a problem. There are field generator belts – look, I am wearing one. I can walk through minus 25 centigrades or through a poisonous atmosphere and I would not have any problem.”

“I cannot. He told me to leave and not to attempt contact.”

“And??”

“And I cannot disobey him.”

“While I agree that disobeying a Vulcan is not the best idea one could have, we must take risks in life.”

“What risks did you take?”

Leonard stopped and thought about his own painful experience. What risks did he take? He had spent five minutes with Spock, before leaving into the doomed four-year mission. It was most definitely the riskiest thing he had ever done.

 

Leonard remained with AnJoan Grey for two more hours. He returned to the Enterprise with a much clearer idea upon what it meant to be bound to a Vulcan; what risks were involved; how much pain you would have to endure; how you could deal with separation. Their mission was just starting. It was most certainly a very risky one; they would meet strange new worlds, various species, hostile or friendly and dangers were just around the corner. He had to take more risks of a personal nature.

He wanted Spock. He wanted him so badly that it was unbearable; and they had left only days ago. How would four years be? How will he endure them?

“How is he, Bones?”

“He is fine now.”

“Did he have the Phage?”

“Uhm, no, not the Phage, but an equally dangerous disease. Anyway, his condition is stable and you have surely made a friend. I will be in my quarters, I am tired.”

“Okay, Bones. We will be passing through the wormhole, there will be a mild turbulence and after that we will be out of communications range.”

“Oh. Thanks for telling me. I have two calls to make.”

“To the pointed-eared bastard?”

Leonard did not bother to reply. He went to his quarters and connected a call to Sarek of Vulcan.

 

 

“Leonard! What happened?” – Sarek asked immediately, with great concern.

“Hi. Nothing happened.”

“Why are you calling, then?”

“I, um… I have spoken to AnJoan Grey.”

Sarek stiffened and grew silent for a few moments. Whatever emotions were passing through his soul in that moment, they did not manifest visibly. He looked around him, as if he wanted to make sure no one was in the room.

“How… how is he?”

“He was dying.”

“He – “

Sarek covered his mouth with his hands as if he wanted to prevent himself from screaming.

“He is fine now. I took care of him.”

“Leonard…” – Sarek whispered, leaning with his hands on the console. “Leonardleonard… how will I ever repay you?”

“Talk to him, Sarek. He longs for you. Please. I know the taste of that longing.”

Sarek abruptly disconnected the call – and Leonard could not help but wonder what will the tall, beautiful Vulcan do. Were they all that stubborn, or even they had their breaking point? Separation was one thing and it was, yes, unbearable; but the death of the beloved one meant the annihilation of their own willingness to live. He hoped that Sarek would do what was right. After all, he had now understood, Sarek and AnJoan Grey were not lovers; they were something else, something more. Were they sharing a bond? – Leonard asked himself.

 

But it was time to do something else – before they went out of communications rage with Starfleet.

He logged into his personal Starfleet account and changed the relationship from _single_ to _in a relationship_. The computer immediately prompted:

“State the name of your partner and the type of relationship.”

Leonard hoped he remembered correctly the name of the bond:

“Spock, son of Sarek, of the planet Vulcan. Vulcan _Kafeh_ bond.”

“The relationship will be pending upon the acknowledgement of the partner.”

“Understood. Computer, advise when he has acknowledged by sending me a text message.”

“Affirmative”, the Computer said.

 

With that, he lay on the bed, gazing at the ceiling and thinking that he had been so close to completely shatter his own life and the life of his Beloved. He loved Spock; he adored him – he was his entire life. If Spock wanted to own him, to possess him, to tear him to pieces, so be it. He was too far gone to even care. They would not return from this mission; he was sure. But after all that had happened, the least Spock deserved was to know that he, Leonard McCoy, had acknowledged the bond, and whatever came with it. Yes. It was simple: he belonged to Spock. It was so fucking complicated.

His communicator chirped moments after and, amazingly enough, Leonard felt his heartbeat accelerating. He felt like a teenager pinning over his mobile phone, waiting for a crush to text back.

He flipped it open:

“Spock of Vulcan has acknowledged the new relationship status” – he read. “You have one unread text message from Spock of Vulcan.”

“Computer, display message.”

They were already passing through the wormhole and Leonard realized with despair that the message may not be displayed – indeed, it took the stupid computer a few good minutes to display the message composed of two words:

<Mine. Forever.>

 

Leonard knew those were the only words he had to live by, for the next four years. While he had never been an excessively emotional person, he could not help himself but to kiss the communicator and to hold it at his chest. It was too late to reply to the text message; they were in the middle of the wormhole; but at the same time he knew that the bond would carry the emotions with no space-time restrictions. He sent his acceptance and love, his submission, and most of all his regret through it. He hoped Spock could perceive those emotions.

The bond became heavier, brighter; _mine – forever –_ an echo resounded in his mind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the questions received on Tumblr! I will respond to the long questionnaire when the story is finished.

On Stardate 2254.01, the Enterprise reached the Delta Quadrant and started mapping the uncharted territory.

Leonard McCoy was losing weight at an alarming race.

“Geezus, Bones. Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“I am not hungry.”

Jim gazed at him with worried eyes.

“You gotta talk to me, Bones. You gotta tell me at some point what that bastard did to you on that planet.”

“He did nothing. I should be returning to MedBay.”

“Not before you eat those two croissants!”

Leonard rolled his eyes and started nibbling one of the croissants. He hated them. He hated food in general. His stomach just refused anything.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Jim…” – Leonard said warningly.

“No, really now, Bones. I am your best friend. I wanna know what happened because I can feel you are hurting and it bothers me to see my best friend suffer like that. You would have bugged me too, if you had been in my place. So spill it out.”

“It is nothing you could understand.”

“Why don’t you _at least_ try? Are you in love with him?”

“It’s… different, it is…”

“Lemme guess: it is nothing I could understand.”

“Yeah. That’s it.” Leonard finally agreed, and stood up to go to the MedBay.

 

 *

 

It was on Stardate 2254.62 when Leonard finally managed to settle into a personal routine that made life a little more bearable. He woke up at 5 AM, went to the gym for one hour, showered and went to the Medical Report; after that he went to the Bridge to check on that brat and listen to more lectures; finally, he ate a croissant or something else on the sweet side and started working until late, late at night. He did double or triple shifts, research, papers on various subjects – anything to keep his mind occupied. A dozen times a day he would look at his communicator and read the words _Mine. Forever_ and he struggled not to cry.

It was nothing short of a miracle that they were still alive. They had passed close to a Borg sphere; they ran into a Jem Haddar patrol; they encountered many other hostile species.

Leonard did not want to die. There was a small hope that he would have his happiness back – that is, if the Master would forgive him for all that he had done. But that meant they had to meet again, and the way Jim Kirk was getting them into the worst sort of troubles, they were high chances they will not make it to the end of the first year.

 

*

 

“Hold still, Jim! Nurse! Dammit, do I have to make everything by myself? Hold him still!”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“BONES, it hurts!”

“You bet your ass it hurts! You got bitten by something between a snake and a bat! Both of which were poisonous.” – Leonard explained, while draining the venom out of Jim’s arm and starting a blood transfusion.

“A bat? A bat? A bat?”

“Good God! M’Benga!!!”

 

*

 

<Stardate 2255.12, Personal log, Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer, recording. One year and two months have gone by and I am slowly going mad. The further we go into this doomed Delta Quadrant, the heavier my bond is. It is as if it’s dragging me back, not wanting to let me slip too far away from the Master’s grasp. It is painful and burning me. Will we ever reach that point of pure, sublime harmony ever again? The way we stayed in his living-room on Vulcan, on the top of the mountain… him on the couch, reading, me on the wooden floor; his hand resting on my shoulder or in my hair…>

Leonard abruptly stopped recording and covered his face with his palms, wiping away his tears and taking a moment to recollect himself.

<Computer resume recording. I am such a mess. Most of the time when I am alone and I don’t have anything to do, I cry. I have so little memories to live by. My ten days with him. And then, my last 5 minutes with him. Why did I tell him to get out of the room, why? Why haven’t I spent that night with him? Why? Why?>

Leonard logged into his Starfleet account, just to contemplate his relationship status: _Bound to Spock of Vulcan by Kafeh Bond._ The computer displayed the list of obligations and duties of the partners – he knew them by heart. Leonard McCoy was listed as Spock’s property. Spock had life-and-death privileges over Leonard. He could beat him, cut him to pieces, torture him, sell him, kill him and no one would have had the legal right to interfere. Of course, there were no records of such barbaric acts, but the possibility existed. All in all, Spock could do everything that he wanted _with_ and _to_ Leonard McCoy and that was it.

But at the same time, he had the legal obligation to care for him, provide him with basic life necessities – food, water, shelter and protection. He would be Spock’s most precious possession. He knew that was true.

The _Kafeh_ bond did not always imply a sexual relationship. While they did make love, Leonard could not help but wandering if Spock was actually attracted in him that way, if him, too, was _in love_. Perhaps that night of love had been an accident – perhaps it will never –

<Kirk to McCoy, please report to the Bridge.>

<Why the hell for? I am off duty> \- he snapped.

<Because I say so!>

One thing was true – they were having an awful lot of problems lately – with Leonard commenting nearly every single order he would receive and Jim being exasperated and trying to educate him in following better Starfleet discipline.

 

*

 

“They say you got married”, Scotty told Leonard, while pouring him another glass of good ol’ Scotch.

“I didn’t _get married_ ”, Leonard said. “I have a bond. It’s… different stuff.”

“A bond with a Vulcan Master?”

That got Leonard’s immediate attention.

“What do you mean a _Vulcan Master_?”

“Vulcans are a race of Masters, it’s quite obvious. Have you ever seen one and dinnae feel the need to bow?”

“Actually I have seen two, but I did not feel the need to bow to anyone else except my own…”

Leonard stopped, pushing down the rising emotion. Dammit. He could not even think of him without instantly starting to cry.

“Laddie, it’s ganna be alright. A Vulcan bond is forever, y’know. If he gave it to you, he will wait for you.”

“How come you know so much about Vulcans?”

“Len, in all modesty, I’m Montgomery Scott. I know everything.”

That made Leonard smile, and Scotty thought that was a personal victory. He generously celebrated the victory with more Scotch.

“So tell me everything you know about Vulcans, Mr. I-know-everything”

“They are beautiful.”

“Yeah…”

“And they have pointed ears.”

“Yeah”, Leonard laughed.

“And they expect to have everyone’s submission – you must understand that this is how they are built as a race. It’s exactly like Klingons expect all those they come in contact with to prove honourable, or Ferengi – to sell and buy something and to make a profit. In old times, all kingdoms in the Quadrant would get a Vulcan to rule over them – because only a Vulcan can be that fair, logic and awe-inspiring. They are a race of kings.”

“And I am in love with the king’s son…”

“That is very cool, Len. Let’s celebrate.”

“I have a surgery at 7 AM tomorrow…”

“So wha’? It’s not like yer drunk or somethin’. You cannae get drunk whilst carrying a Vulcan bond.”

Leonard gave him a confused look. He thought he was drunk. In fact, he wasn’t. He was as sober as he would be in the middle of a by-pass surgery.

“Spoilsport.”

“Look who’s talkin’. Ye’ve been drinkin’ a perfectly good Scotch for no reason.”

 

*

 

On Stardate 2256.12, James Kirk decided to celebrate Christmas, because everyone was missing home and a holiday was good for crew morale. A few more months and they would get home. They were more than halfway through their return trip. He assigned everyone small duties so that they could feel useful and get into the ‘Christmas spirit’.

Leonard was given the task of building a Christmas tree – which he grumpily agreed to. They had no means of replicating one, so Leonard has divided the task into smaller tasks and arranged a Secret Santa event, with gifts being brought to him. He then built the tree out of the gifts. He wrapped the whole think in tinsel and stepped back to admire the deed.

It looked pretty.

Would Spock like to observe Terran holidays?

Who knew what would Spock want?

Perhaps he would punish him severely for what he had done – so many mistakes…

Perhaps he would keep him locked in his quarters and prevent him from even going to Sickbay.

Perhaps he would order him to resign from Starfleet – now there was no way Leonard could refuse. In fact, he could no longer refuse Spock of Vulcan anything.

He flipped open his communicator and re-re-re-read the words: <Mine. Forever> \- the last text message he had received from Spock.

 

*

 

They were approaching the wormhole on the sixth month of 2258. Leonard’s heart was beating fast and he had to inject a few hypos to himself to remain calm. Jim was sick as a dog, suffering from a viral infection he had caught after having beamed down on the planet Melvara and having wandered through the muddy waters in search of a rare mineral. Of course, one quarter of the rest of the crew had always caught the disease. He had so much work to do and so little time. And he wanted to see AnJoan Grey.

Montgomery Scott was in command, which was not typical, but the Scotsman proved to be as hardworking and careful on the Bridge as he was in Engineering. At times, his Scottish accent was so pronounced that even the ship’s computer attempted translation.

“Hail the Emperor Grey, Scotty. I wanna see how he is.”

“Jeez- it’s the fifth time you’re – wait until we exit the wormhole!”

“Alright, alright.”

“And stop fidgeting!”

Leonard just grinned at him.

As soon as they exited the wormhole, Scotty did open the hailing frequencies and attempted to contact Emperor AnJoan Grey.

He responded immediately – and this time, strangely enough, Leonard thought he was not at all ugly; he looked ethereally beautiful, with his translucent skin and powerful eyes, his long fingers holding the sceptre… Sarek had seen beauty where he – and everyone else – had proved incapable of seeing it.

“Greetings Your Majesty” – Scotty said politely – “I am Montgomery Scott, Acting Captain of the USS Enterprise.”

“Greetings”, the Reman said, with his beautiful, deep voice, looking carefully to locate Leonard who was standing behind Scotty. “Hello, Leonard.”

“Your Majesty”, Leonard spoke. He was so happy to see him. He didn’t know why… perhaps out of a feeling of solidarity... they knew the taste of the pain of separation. Whatever happened, each of them had a friend in the other one.

“You lost a lot of weight, Leonard.”

Scotty frowned at the unusual dialogue, but Grey was an Emperor and he could say whatever stuff he wanted.

“Yeah, I… we… have an epidemic on board and I have been very busy. How is… your health?”

“Thanks to you, my young friend, it is very good.”

“Did you – um – talk to…?”

“I did. Right after you left.”

Leonard smiled, and then – unexpectedly – the Reman smiled too. It was an unusual image – he looked even more beautiful.

“Captain Scott”, AnJoan Grey spoke afterwards – “I am sending you a cargo of dilithium as you seem to be low on fuel. Beam them up. Remember, you have a friend on Remus – thanks to your good doctor.”

“I – we do? Thank you! Thank you so much”, Scotty stuttered. “We were actually very low on fuel, thank you very much, Your Majesty, you are most gracious, thank you.”

A _cargo_ of Reman dilithium was an unexpected gift – otherwise they would have had to travel on half impulse all the way to Earth which would have been painfully slow… especially for Leonard who had no more patience.

 

*

 

What would happen? How will he find Spock? He felt the bond becoming stronger, more demanding. So much he wanted to see him – just to see him – whatever would come after that – he could not stand it anymore.

He lay on a biobed in the Medbay, near Jim – whom he had to supervise most of the time, as he was running a very high fever – he flipped open his communicator, to read for the hundredth time the two words - _< Mine. Forever.>_

They were now well within communications range; without realizing, he typed a few letters in reply to that message which he had received four years ago:

_< Yours, Master.>_

He clicked _send_.

Minutes after, he felt the bond become so bright and heavy, that he grasped for air. He knew that his message had been received. The emotion was so intense that even his stomach started to hurt.

His communicator chirped:

_< Please advise of your ETA.>_

Such a banal message, but honestly, what did he expect? A declaration of love? Anyway – those words had been typed by him – perhaps he should not overanalyse them. Had he – HE – missed Leonard, had He felt the same pain? “Please advise of your ETA” – such a “Starfleet” message. Cold and insensitive. But Spock was Vulcan – he _was_ cold and insensitive. Insensitive? Did he really think of Spock as being insensitive? No, he was the most passionate, loving and careful –

Millions of voices started resounding in his mind once again. This was not good. Doubts, fear, expectations, terror of the unknown – all rushed back hitting his fragile mind with the force of a tsunami.

 _< Three hours, 52 minutes>_ \- he finally replied, after checking with Scotty.

_< I will wait for you.>_

Words to live by, Leonard thought. He would wait for him – but where?

Somehow, he knew where – right where they said good bye before the four-year mission, at the embarking-disembarking point in Riverside.

Memories of their separation came rushing back. There had been so much pain; they had tormented each other for so long. What now? What will they do? How will their life unfold? They had not even discussed the possibilities… but was there anything to discuss? Spock will decide, and he had to obey – after all, he did acknowledge the bond.

He re-read all the messages, holding the IDIC necklace tight in his left hand, and crying once more.

“My God, Bones. I swear I am going to skin that Vulcan bastard alive, for all that he’s done to you.” – Jim said, who had been watching Leonard for a few moments.

“Do that, Jimmy-boy, if you want to kill me.”

Jim gave him a sad look.

“You love him. Don’t you?”

“That doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel for him.” – Leonard confessed, opening his heart to his best friend for the first time in four years.

“And… is there any hope?” – Jim asked, with care, rolling on one side to be more comfortable.

“There is, if I don’t ruin it again.” – he said with a heartache, then got out of the biobed to check on Jim – his hands were severely swollen as a reaction to the vaccine.

“I saw you changed your relationship status from _single_ to _kafeh_. What’s that?”

“It’s… um… complicated”, he smiled.

“So you are in a complicated relationship?” – Jim smiled back.

“Yeah.”

“So typical of you. You almost bore me.”

“Then close your eyes, Jimmy-boy”, he said, injecting a hypo in his neck and promptly sending him to sleep. Jim needed to rest; he was more sensitive to viral infections than other crew members; he had allergies to almost all known vaccines; his immune system was not the strongest one. Besides, even though he did exercise a lot, Jim had very bad eating habits.

 

*

 

Spock had been admitted to Starfleet Academy without any problems; his physical strength and his formidable intelligence assured him a place among the first. He disliked the Academy; but he had to attend it, for Leonard’s sake. Leonard had not been able to give everything up for him. Spock had to prove to him that _he_ would do anything to have him – even enlisting in Starfleet.

After Leonard’s departure, he remained in the rain, watching his shuttle heading towards the Earth’s orbit, where the Enterprise was docked. He remained there for hours, unable to move, unable to _exist_ without Leonard, but this time the situation was slightly more bearable. Leonard had come to him willingly, even if for five minutes only. Five minutes to live by, five minutes to remember until he would see him again – if… if only they returned.

Many things could happen.

Hours later, he had proceeded towards his quarters and changed out of the wet clothes. He was just preparing a tea for himself when the console chimed, announcing an important message. He had to rub his eyes a few times after reading the message, to make sure he was not hallucinating: <Lieutenant Commander Leonard Horatio McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the Federation Starship _USS Enterprise_ , has changed his relation status from _single_ to _kafeh_ , listing you as his owner. Please acknowledge.>

Was Leonard – had he just – had he just logged their relationship, thus making it public?

This was a huge, huge victory. While the _bond_ was indeed forever, he had sworn never to force Leonard to do anything against his will, ever again. If Leonard wanted to live without him, then so be it; he himself would just settle with living as close to him as possible, so that he could at least him.

But now, Leonard had acknowledged the bond.

He could not help himself – after pressing the necessary commands from his side to finish logging the relationship, he took his communicator and typed two words:

_< Mine. Forever.>_

Soon after that, he felt Leonard’s violent emotions through the bond – love, longing, regret, despair… before he could respond with love and comfort, he slipped away, out of reach…

Was Leonard – his? Really **his**?

Yes, he was – and out of reach.

Finally together, parted and never parted…

He began attending Starfleet Academy, with a focus on Command and Science classes, because that was what he was doing best. He managed to do the four years in two, after which he was assigned to Captain Christopher Pike on various missions and by the first quarter of 2257 he was already a Commander.

Pike was very good to him. To say he was like a father would have been an understatement. He was his friend, his Captain, his protector. Whenever Spock reached a breaking point, Pike would help him pick up the pieces, sat him down on a bar stool and made him drink a glass of whiskey – which had, of course, no effect whatsoever upon the Vulcan metabolism, except perhaps making him a little more talkative.

“You miss him, don’t you?” – Pike would ask.

“Miss – who, Captain?”

“Your bondmate.”

“Leonard is not my bondmate.”

“Then what is he?” – he would continue with a smile.

“He is my _kafeh_.”

“You’re telling me Leonard McCoy is your slave?”

“He – is not – my slave.”

“Well, that’s what _kafeh_ means.”

“He – yes. He is my slave.” – Spock agreed, hoping to change the subject.

“Well, you better fix this shit.”

“Why?”

“Because human beings can’t be someone’s slaves.”

“This bond is forever.”

“Spock, you are a Vulcan. You studied logic, philosophy and metaphysics. There is no such thing as _forever._ ”

His blood would boil at the thought that someone could ever take Leonard away from him. Of course no one could actually understand –

He would take a sip of that whisky and brace himself for a lecture filled with good intentions.

In order to deal with the separation, Spock observed Vulcan discipline more strictly. No more breaking down. No more emotions shown, especially to humans – even if that human was Christopher Pike. A calm, impeccable demeanour – and not even a single second of free time in which he could think of how much – how impossibly much –

…he missed Leonard.

Leonard was his entire life.

 

*

 

It was early in the morning on Tuesday, June 16, 2258, when the Enterprise docked at Starbase 1, Earth, and the first batch of officers were disembarking.

Spock had hoped that Leonard would be among them, but he was not – he started to grow impatient. The Principles of Surak, such as cultivating calm and patience in all situations, were pretty much useless now. He could not be calm and patient. He wanted to have Leonard _now_.

He felt the bond flare to unknown intensities as the next shuttle was approaching and he knew, _he knew_ his beloved Leonard was there.

Strange, Pike’s words were resounding through his mind – _Leonard McCoy is your slave_ … he never thought of him that way, but if you came to analyse things, that was what _kafeh_ really meant. He had no intentions of treating Leonard badly anymore; whatever he would do to him from now on, it would be because Leonard chose to come to him, he had done it willingly – after all – he did acknowledge the bond… had he not?

…stray thoughts, impossible to control anymore.

The shuttle landed and people started getting out of it; there he was, there he was!

 

Leonard looked around as he got off the shuttle, a bit disoriented and dizzy from space sickness.

 _I will wait for you_ , Master had said.

There he was… in the same spot where they had separated; waiting for him as promised. No more broken promises between them. But still so much to repair. He was standing still, waiting for him to make the first step.

Unsure of how to react and what to say, his heart beating faster than ever, he started walking towards him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nero mission in progress.   
> Dialogues may sound familiar if you watched the movie recently.   
> My own vision of Nero, of course.

Just like the last time they met in the same spot, Leonard walked towards Spock slowly and stopped in front of him, taking a deep breath. The Vulcan’s eyes were dark, overwhelming; he was studying his every gesture, his every move, just like he _used to do_. Powerful and invulnerable, he was standing there – _waiting for him_ – beautiful like a god, strong like the foundation of life itself.

Leonard extended two trembling hands towards Spock, a reiteration of the same gesture that had taken place upon their separation, four years ago. Spock had truly _waited for him_ and it almost seemed as if he hadn’t even moved from that place.

Spock took a firm grip of his wrists.

Leonard opposed no resistance.

“Mine…” – Spock murmured.

“Yours…” – Leonard whispered back, looking deeply into his dark-chocolate eyes. Seeing him after four years, he suddenly realized how _dead_ had he been all along. Whatever he had, wherever he was – without Spock, life – or better said, the ability of simply _living_ – was just missing. He hadn’t lived; he could not live without him. He had just… functioned, like a well-oiled machine operating under a good software.

But now, no more.

Strong hands squeezed his wrists tighter, wanting to be sure that not an inch of Leonard rebelled or would rebel ever again.

“You will come home with me.” – Spock said.

“On Vulcan?”

“No. I have an apartment here. That is where you will also live.”

“Okay.”

“Answer to me properly”, Spock said, his eyes a tone darker. He could not tolerate the slightest mistake right now.

“Yes… Master”, Leonard said, looking downwards. “I will go anywhere you wish…”, he added. “So you have become a Commander”, he said, looking at the rank marked on the sleeves of Spock’s shirt.

“I have. There was nothing else to do while I was waiting for you.”

“You outranked me”, Leonard smiled, and Spock skipped a heart-beat upon seeing that beautiful, sincere smile – it had been so long.

“It is of no consequence. It is not the rank that matters between us.”

“So… do you… do you still want me?” – Leonard asked, his pure heart trembling in anticipation of the answer to the hardest question of all.

Spock let go of his wrists and took a fistful of Leonard’s uniform, pulling him closer and without any warning, he connected a deep, profound, strong meld, that nearly knocked Leonard off his feet. Feelings impossible to be defined or quantified flooded his mind – despair and fear of losing him, possessiveness, hunger – all at once and each of them distinct – Spock’s thoughts, needs and desires reflected all the way to Leonard.

“Not only that I want you, Leonard…” – he said – “but I also have you. You are mine now. Forever. Now come on home. I want to see you on your knees.”

Leonard took another deep breath upon hearing such words. But he had no comments, and more importantly, no right to even _make_ any comments. Spock could do whatever he wanted to him; it was long since he had agreed. Strong fingers wrapped around his wrist – Spock did not want to let go of him even for one little second. They proceeded towards the apartment building 32B, near Starfleet Academy’s main building.

“If you want to go back to Vulcan”, Leonard said, “I will go willingly.”

“We will go when we are on leave.”

“Are your parents well?”

“They are well, thank you, Leonard. We will speak with them later today.”

“Did your Father tell you?”

“…tell me? Tell me what?” – Spock stopped, turning towards Leonard. He could not stand the slightest uncertainty.

“…that I talked to AnJoan Grey.”

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise.

“How do you know of AnJoan Grey? Who told you?”

“No one told me at first. I figured everything out. The Emperor has an IDIC necklace, just like me.”

“Does he, now?” Spock wondered, resuming walking.

He could not think of AnJoan Grey right now. Al he could think of was Leonard, Leonard in his hands, finally and forever his, with nothing to ever keep them apart.

“Master”, Leonard said, his heart-rate accelerating as he was uttering the word.

 “Yes, Leonard.”

Such a simple dialogue, Leonard thought, and it meant his entire happiness; he had almost ruined every chance they had of being happy again – because they could be, and they could have been, and who knows what would have happened, hadn’t Spock been so persistent…

“Are you very upset?”

“Because of…?” – Spock probed, opening the door to the building and pushing Leonard in, rather violently – he couldn’t wait to be alone with him.

“Because of everything I have done.”

Spock did not respond immediately; he pressed the elevator button and when the doors opened, he again pushed Leonard inside, holding his arm in a firm grip.

“You will earn your forgiveness, in time… also, you need to ask for it properly. You need to do _everything_ properly from now on.”

Leonard could not suppress a shiver; he knew what _properly_ meant, he knew the rules very well, and he had no doubt he was about to hear them again, just the way he had heard them and had learnt them, up on the mountain, day by day…

He could do this; he wanted to do this; he wanted to do anything, just to be close to him, however he wanted… he no longer cared.

“Do you have a wooden floor?” – Leonard asked with a shy smile.

“The apartment does have a wooden floor, on which you will spend most of your time.” – Spock said matter-of-factly.

Leonard opened his mouth to say something, but the communicator in Spock’s pocked vibrated.

Spock frowned. He took it out and looked at the display – Captain Pike calling. He had to answer.

“Spock here.”

<Spock, is Leonard McCoy with you?>

“Affirmative, Captain.”

<Good. Take him and come to shuttle port immediately. We have been summoned on an emergency mission to Vulcan. Kirk is sick, so I am replacing him. I need you with me.>

Spock reversed the direction of the elevator, instinctively pulling Leonard closer to him – as if someone could take him away.

“What is happening to Vulcan, Captain?”

<We are not sure yet. Sarek has reported severe seismic activity, then all communications ceased. We are trying to contact their space station as we speak. Get McCoy and come on. Try to hurry. Pike out.>

“What is going on? Master?” – Leonard asked, feeling his panic through the bond.

“We are going back to the Enterprise, and on to Vulcan. They are apparently experiencing a natural disaster.”

“But Jim is sick…”

“Captain Pike will be in command.”

“Oh… alright…”

Spock seemed to weigh the possibilities until the elevator reached the ground floor; he took Leonard to the transporter padd located near the entrance, pointed towards it, pressed a few buttons and took Leonard’s arm once more, beaming out directly to the shuttle port on Riverside.

He felt the organic need to have a physical contact with Leonard all the time. Barely reunited, he couldn’t even enjoy him for ten minutes… frustration, anger and worry filled his heart, but he pushed all those emotions away; there was no time for that.

They ran into Pike as soon as they rematerialized near the shuttle that was ready to take all of them on board.

“McCoy, Spock. Good, you arrived quickly. Let’s go.”

Spock was about to pull Leonard along towards the shuttle, when they noticed Kirk being carried away on a stretcher. Leonard’s temper quickly emerged and he pulled his hand out of Spock’s grip, after a brief exchange of looks. Spock reluctantly let him go, and as soon as he did that, Leonard rushed to Jim, stopped the two assistants who were carrying him and started scanning him. He frowned, jabbed a hypospray into his neck and pulled him up to his feet, even though Jim could barely stand, and dragged him towards the shuttle.

“McCoy…” – Pike tried.

“Medical code states the treatment and transport of a patient is to be determined at the discretion of his attending physician, which is me. So I’m taking Mr. Kirk aboard.”

Pike knew better than to argue with Leonard McCoy. 

They got into the shuttle, with Pike at the helm and Jim pushed on a chair by a rather angry Leonard. Spock took a seat near them, surveying everything with dark eyes. He instinctively took Leonard’s hand, even though they were on duty now.

Leonard turned his head towards him – there was such a difference from how he looked at Spock and how he looked at everyone else. Spock understood, right there and then, that no matter what Leonard said or how he behaved, he was still – and forever – _his_.

“Sorry. Now we’re… colleagues. You may not like me, Commander”, Leonard said with a small smile.

“We are not… _colleagues_ , Leonard”, Spock warned. “Whether on duty or not, I _own_ you.”

“Yes, Master”, Leonard murmured, bowing his head towards their intertwined hands.

“I will be on the Bridge once we arrive.”

“You’re a part of the Bridge crew? Cool. I need to take care of Jim. I’m gonna be in Medbay.”

“I will see you later… Leonard…” – Spock said, and his entire being was hurting once again – but at least, they were on the same ship – and he _could_ see him. Theoretically anytime.

“You didn’t even tell me… what you will be doing on the Bridge?”

“I am Captain Pike’s Tactical and Chief Science Officer.”

“Okay. The Bridge crew is made of mostly young people. But they are experienced. You can trust them.”

“Thank you, Leonard…” – Spock said, barely listening to him – all his attention was focused on their bond and on Leonard’s hand into his; once more he wrapped his fingers around his wrist, holding him tight, aware of the bruises he was just creating; but Leonard made no sound of protest; he knew – he felt, only by touching his hand, that Leonard had forever surrendered to him and he would never leave him again. It gave him strength and confidence – with Leonard by his side, he could –

“I might throw up on you”, Jim confessed, startling them both.

Leonard rolled his eyes but waited for Spock to release his hand, not taking any initiative – it was a small way to convey his submission, and he knew very well that Spock, who was studying his every gesture, would understand the discrete message. He did release his hand after a moment, so that Leonard could attend to Jim.

Once they got to the Enterprise, however, Spock and Leonard were abruptly separated by their respective duties; they could only exchange one brief look that meant _I need you I am here I love you_ and other fragments of thoughts that didn’t have a coherent shape yet.

“I don’t feel right, I feel like I’m… _leaking_ ”, Jim complained while being dragged away by Leonard.

“Yeah, you’re having a really bad sweat. We need to get you changed.”

“B-bones?”

“What.”

“What was that pointy-eared bastard doing here?”

“His job. Pike is in command. Spock is his CSO.”

“Oh fhhhhhh….” – Jim tried to protest, but they were already in Sickbay and Leonard quickly knocked him out with a hypo.

 

“Mr. Spock.” – Pike said, arriving to the Bridge at the same time with him.

“Captain. Engineering reports ready for launch” – Spock said professionally from the tactical Console.

“Thank you. All decks, this is Captain Pike, prepare for immediate departure. Helm, thrusters.”

“Thrusters fired, Captain. Separating from Space Dock.”

“Set course for Vulcan, maximum warp. Punch it.”

As soon as they were at warp, Pike took a moment to recollect himself. This mission triggered deep emotions within himself. He loved Vulcan – the planet, the race, the culture, its people, and most of all – Sarek, his best friend. He had spent a lot of time together with him while Sarek was on Earth. They had grown fond of each other – so different and yet having so much in common. Sarek had taught him meditation, for which Christopher was extremely grateful as it had been one of the most rewarding experiences of his entire life; Christopher had taught him piloting. Very often, they would take a shuttle, go through what they called ‘flight routine’ – in fact a dangerous combination of everything that was possible, and often impossible – to do with a craft; they would land on a moon and go through the meditation routine – _anapanasati, vipassana_ and others.

Sarek and his family were in danger. Christopher couldn’t let anything happen to them.

“Russian whiz-kid, what’s your name? Chanko? Cherpov?”

“Ensign Chekov. Pavel Andreievich, Sir.”

“Fine, Chekov, Pavel Andreievich. Begin ship-wide mission broadcast.”

The young man quickly pressed a few buttons on his console and began explaining the mission parameters with a very pronounced Russian accent. From his console, Spock turned, listening to him. He was worried for his planet and his Parents, and exasperated by the fact that once more, Leonard was not near him – even though they were separated by only a few decks. He needed him. He needed him closer.

“May I have your attention, please? At 2200, telemetry detected an anomaly in the Neutral Zone – what appeared to be a lightning storm in space. Soon after, Starfleet received a distress signal from Vulcan High Command, that their planet was experiencing seismic activity. Our mission is to assess the condition of Vulcan and assist in evacuations if necessary. We should be arriving at Vulcan within three minutes. Thank you for your time.”

Spock frowned deeply and attempted to recalibrate his instruments so that he could perform a long-range sweep of the area, in order to gather more data, but it was difficult to do that while at warp.

 

“LIGHTNING STORM!” – Jim exclaimed, suddenly awake and nearly falling off the biobed.

Leonard was gazing at a particular message in his communicator – he almost dropped it off his hands.

“Always so dramatic. How do you feel?”

Jim ignored him, rushing to a console and reviewing Chekov’s transmission. Leonard rolled his eyes in exasperation and started scanning Jim, whose face was now red and he was still sweating abundantly.

“We gotta – we gotta…!”

“You gotta calm down, Jim!”

“Bones, you don’t understand!”

“I don’t even try to,” he confessed, stabbing him with a hypo, because that damn kid was still having bad allergies to every known treatment in medical books.

“We gotta stop the ship!” – he said, cupping Leonard’s face.

“Stop the shi- wait, Jim! Jim! Come back here! – but it was too late, and Leonard had no choice but to run after him.

Jim was a good sprinter – he quickly made his way on the long corridors towards the Bridge, followed by an out-of-breath and very much exasperated Leonard McCoy. The fact that he ran straight into Spock did not help the matters – his eyes darkened and he didn’t like that. Dark Vulcan eyes meant trouble.

“Captain Pike, Sir!” – Jim yelled as soon as he set foot on the Bridge.

Leonard tried to grab his arm but Jim pushed him away abruptly; Spock pulled Leonard aside and protectively stepped between him and Jim Kirk. Who did that insolent young man think he was, to push his Leonard like that – to even touch him for that matter?

“Captain, Jim is under the influence of a severe reaction to a vaccine –“ Leonard started, only to be cut off again by Jim:

“Vulcan is not experiencing a natural disaster, Sir, it’s being attacked by Romulans!”

“Romulans?” – Christopher Pike asked, standing up. “McCoy, take Mr. Kirk back to MedBay. We’ll have words later”, he added sharply.

“LOOK, SIR”, Kirk yelled at him, pushing Leonard back into Spock’s arms and grabbing Pike’s hand, forcing him to turn and face him. “That same anomaly that we saw today… a lightning storm in space – also occurred on the day of my birth, before a huge Romulan ship attacked the USS Kelvin. You know that, Sir. You wrote a dissertation about it, which I’ve read! That anomaly has never been reported ever again. I promise you, Sir, we are warping into a trap. They are waiting for us.”

Pike considered the facts for a moment.

“Spock?” – he asked, wanting to know his opinion.

“The reported anomaly has not been mentioned on other occasions, Captain. Mr. Kirk may be right.”

“Shields up, red alert”, he said, sitting down on the commanding chair.

Spock took a firm grip of Leonard’s arm, pulling him closer; he hadn’t anticipated it would be so difficult to work with Leonard together on the same ship; he constantly worried for his safety – and now, with the ship under red alert, it was extremely difficult to predict what would happen; he needed to be sure nothing happened to Leonard, no matter what –

For a brief moment, Leonard leaned on him, their bodies in contact; he had so much to tell him, they had so many things to solve, and yet the time was far; it was exasperating.

“Arrival at Vulcan in five seconds”, Sulu announced. Four… three… two…”

They dropped out of warp – the image was horrific – without even realizing, Spock wrapped his arms around Leonard, in an attempt to protect him from being hit by something – the display showed an immense quantity of debris – the remains of their fleet, seven other ships which had warped to Vulcan before the Enterprise. There was little left of them.

“Good God”, Leonard whispered.

Jim turned his head toward Leonard and saw him in Spock’s arms. He looked deeply into the Vulcan’s eyes – one of his arms was around Leonard’s waist, another around his neck as if trying to protect him from receiving a head injury. He was very protective of him. He also noticed how Leonard was willingly standing near him, having given in to the impromptu embrace and not opposing any resistance. That was his place; in the arms of Spock of Vulcan. It took Jim only seconds to process and to acknowledge the Vulcan’s claim over his friend. He knew Leonard was being taken care of in the best way possible. A silent understanding settled between James Kirk and Spock.

Spock pulled Leonard closer – and Jim smiled.

Yes, his friend was in good hands.

 

“Emergency evasive!” – Pike ordered towards the Helm officer, who did his best to avoid collision, even though it was very difficult in all that debris.

Reports started flooding in and Spock had no choice but to let go of Leonard, keeping a firm hand on his left wrist.

“I gotta return to Medical”, Leonard told him.

“NO”, he responded immediately, his possessive temper emerging violently.

“Master…” – Leonard added on a low voice – but still loud enough for Jim to hear – his blue eyes widened – “We may have casualties. Let me do my job.”

Spock knew Leonard was right – and still couldn’t bear to know him out of his sight amidst the danger.

“Full reverse!” – Pike said. “Come about starboard, 90 degrees; drop us down underneath them, Sulu!”

The pilot struggled to fulfil the instructions given by the Captain, in order to avoid collision with the saucer section of the _Farragut_ ; seven Federation ships – what was left of them anyway – were floating around, threatening to hit the _Enterprise_ at any moment. It was only because of Sulu’s prompt actions that they managed not to get hit. Jim was watching him carefully; he knew the young man, he knew what he was capable of. He only wished Pike stopped giving him so many instructions, because dammit! – he knew what he was doing there.

Leonard was watching the view-screen breathlessly – still in Spock’s arms. The view was heart-breaking. So many Starfleet officers, dead – at the hands of – who?

 

The _Narada_ appeared to the viewer, immense, majestic, deadly. Leonard suppressed a shiver and felt Spock holding him tighter. It was a huge mining ship, shaped like a comet, with an ample tail of drilling devices. It was larger than any Federation vessel they had seen; Spock was sure that they – whoever **they** were – had powerful, deadly weapons – after all, they had destroyed an entire fleet in just minutes. They were going to kill his Leonard – no – he could not let that happen –

He released Leonard and sat down at his console, performing a quick tactical analysis of the foreign ship. They were in grave danger.

“Captain, they are locking torpedoes!”

“Divert auxiliary power from port nacelles to forward shields”, Pike ordered briefly. Spock had to give him credit – he had quickly recovered from the initial surprise and drafted an action plan; if there was anything they could to survive, Christopher Pike would take any chance.

Leonard was not so quick to pull himself together – he still lingered on the Bridge, close to Spock, one hand on his shoulder – instinctively feeling the need of physical contact. When the first batch of torpedoes hit them, he was pulled out of his reverie; he held Spock’s hand for a brief moment and rushed away to Medbay. They had casualties; he had to do his job, as everyone else did.

Spock’s panic just increased when Leonard left, especially after hearing someone say – _Shields at 32%._ That was bad. They couldn’t take another hit like that. They would die – Leonard would die –

 _Leonard!!!!!_ – his mind screamed.

“Spock, get me Starfleet Command”, Pike ordered.

He rushed to execute the order, only to notice that communications were offline.

“Captain, the Romulan ship has lowered some kind of high-energy pulse device into the Vulcan atmosphere”, he managed to say – were his Parents safe? – it was only now that he had the strength to think of them – his first concern was Leonard – forever Leonard – “its signal appears to be blocking our communications and transporter abilities.”

Pike suppressed a curse. Damn them!

“Prepare to fire all weapons.”

“Captain!” – Uhura panicked. “We are being hailed!”

Before he could even say _On screen_ , the face of a middle-aged Romulan appeared on screen: proud, with dark, defying eyes, staring directly at Christopher Pike, as if daring him, challenging him.

<Hello.>

Pike took a deep breath, remembering all Sarek’s exercises for calming one’s nerves. He had to keep his composure; he would not give into his fears – he would not jeopardise his people any longer. He had to be strong for them – and for his friend, Sarek, down below. A lot depended on him.

“I’m Captain Christopher Pike. To whom am I speaking?”

<Nero.> \- the Romulan spoke.

 _Nero?_ Spock thought. One bearing the same name had once tried to put fire to the entire city of Rome. It was an ill-fated name. He needed –

“You’ve declared war against the Federation. Withdraw. I’ll agree to arrange a conference with Romulan leadership at a neutral location...”

<I do not speak for the Empire. We stand apart. As does your Vulcan crew member… isn’t that right, Spock?>

Startled, Spock stood up from his chair and came near his Captain. Where did the Romulan know him from? What could he possibly want with him? What if he wanted to harm Leonard? Because that was all he could think about – protecting Leonard –

His Father had been right; meeting The One makes you go insane – whether you have him or not – you will never have peace. Something will forever torment you – be it his absence or his presence –

“Pardon me, I do not believe that you and I are acquainted…” – Spock said.

No. Definitely not. The ruthless Romulan will not harm his Leonard. Not while he was still alive.

<No, we’re not. Not yet. Spock, there is something I’d like you to see. Captain Pike, your transporter has been disabled. As you can see by the rest of your armada, you have no choice. Take a shuttle and come aboard the _Narada_ for negotiations. Alone. That is all. >

Nero abruptly ended the communication.

Christopher Pike bit his lower lip. What would Sarek do? If only he could speak to him.

He stood up.

“HE’LL KILL YOU!” – Jim spluttered.

“Your survival IS unlikely”, Spock also agreed, coming near Jim – he felt that the young Captain was a precious ally, perhaps because he was Leonard’s best friend, perhaps because he had taken care of him – he could not say for sure.

“Captain, we gain nothing by diplomacy! Going over to that ship IS a mistake!!” – Kirk continued, pushing Spock aside to make his point.

“I understand that. Kirk, you are a space-jump expert if I am not mistaken?”

“Yes, Sir”, Jim answered, a bit taken aback. What did that have to do with anything? Space-jump from where? On what?”

“I need two more officers who have been trained on hand-to-hand combat.”

Spock and Sulu stepped forward.

“Mr. Sulu” – he chose. “Walk with us to the shuttle, Spock.”

He would not endanger Spock’s life. For nothing in the world. He had promised that to Sarek.

Kirk, Sulu and Spock followed Captain Pike to the shuttlebay. Another young man, engineer Olson, also specialized in space-jumping, joined them on their way.

“Without transporters, we can’t beam off the ship”, Pike said as they were walking on the long corridor. “We can’t assist Vulcan. We can’t do our job. Mr. Kirk, Mr. Sulu, Engineer Olson will space-jump from the shuttle. You will land on that machine they’ve lowered into the atmosphere, that’s scrambling our gear, you’ll disable it, then you’ll beam back to the ship. Mr. Spock, I am leaving you in command of the Enterprise until either I, or Mr. Kirk return. I do not want to hear about any problems between you two, is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir”, both Kirk and Spock responded, after having briefly looked into each other’s eyes.

Pike flipped his communicator open:

“I want one security team to the Bridge for Mr. Spock’s protection. Another one to Medbay, at the disposal and for the protection of Leonard McCoy.”

<Yes, Captain> \- the Chief of Security acknowledged.

Spock’s eyes glistened brighter.

“Thank you…”

“There is no need to thank me, Mr. Spock. You and Leonard are both Vulcan citizens. I know my duties. Once we have communications capability and transport back up, you’ll contact Starfleet and report what the hell’s going on here! And if all else fails, fall back and rendez-vous with Starfleet in Laurentian system.”

“What will happen to you?” – Spock asked, concerned for the welfare of his only friend and protector.

“Meld with me, Spock”, Pike ordered.

“What?” – he asked with a raised brow, surprised at the strange order.

“Now, Spock. We don’t have much time.”

Spock gave him a confused look but he did raise one hand and aligned his fingers on the Captain’s face – only to receive a torrent of military, tactical and political information, as well as personal impressions and feelings.

_Get your Parents out of there, Spock, Sarek’s survival is of utmost importance. And if I don’t return, convey him my gratitude… and my love._

Spock broke the meld, momentarily troubled by the emotional transference of the meld.

“Share the essential with Kirk. And don’t fight. You two are stubborn as mules but you’ll do great things together, I know it. I will hear of no problems between you two. That’s an order.”

With that, Pike pushed Kirk inside the shuttle, waited for the other two men to join and took off.

He had little hope of ever returning.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Warning! Warning!  
> Character Death as per Star Trek 2009.  
> Destruction of Vulcan and Nero mission in progress.  
> Angst.

Spock returned to the Bridge and confidently sat down on the Commanding Chair. He pressed a few buttons on the console near him and established communication with MedBay.

“Doctor McCoy, report to the Bridge”, he said. Both Captains of the Enterprise were on a dangerous away mission and he needed the CMO of the ship to monitor their life-signs.

“Now?!” – Leonard snapped – on an angry, annoyed tone.

He most certainly had a lot of work to do. Was he always like this when working? Were there things about Leonard’s personality and character which were unfamiliar to him? Did he always comment on any order? That was going to be very tiresome and exasperating.

“Now, Doctor”, Spock said sternly.

After a short silence, Leonard acknowledged.

“On my way…”

It was such a feeling, Spock thought – to feel him coming closer. Leonard did not know he probably did not feel the same – they had to be close, in physical proximity, all the time… whenever Leonard was far, Spock felt… drained exhausted, unable to perform optimally. Now that he was on the Bridge, it was much better – he could see him, hear him –

“You’re in Command?!” – Leonard exclaimed, rather surprised.

It was a fact – his Leonard would comment on any given order. He hoped he would not be like this outside ship duty – because he was quite sure he would not take it well.

“Obviously, Doctor. James Kirk, Stephen Olson and Hikaru Sulu are about to space-jump. Please go to the G4 console and monitor their life-signs.”

“Okay.”

“How about _Yes, Commander_?” – Spock told him on a low voice, while standing up and staring into his eyes from a close distance.

Leonard frowned at him and was about to add something witty again, but the bond suddenly became heavier, tense, slightly painful.

“Yes, Commander”, Leonard managed to say between his teeth, after which he went to the designated console. Space-jump??? – he suddenly realized. Jim was about to… space-jump? That crazy kid!!

Space-jumping was one of the extreme sports taught at the Academy; the classes were not obligatory as very few students actually had what it took for them. The exercises were generally done from the International Space Station on Earth’s orbit – now functioning as a training unit. There were many accidents, mostly because the students waited until the last moment to pull their chutes – or, in some very severe cases, lost consciousness when they entered the Earth’s atmosphere. Jim had an impressive record of successful jumps and had even attended competitions. One crazy kid, that was sure.

“Away team is entering the atmosphere, Sir”, Chekov advised, half turning towards Spock with a rather scared look.

From his console, Leonard quickly evaluated the mental landscape of those on the Bridge. Spock was on the Commanding chair for the first time. People didn’t know him; they didn’t trust him; most of them knew there was something ‘going on’ between him and Spock and that things were not going well, that Spock may have done terrible things to him at some point in the past. Also, the current Bridge crew was formed of young people – they had extraordinary capacities, but they were, nonetheless, young.

They were looking up to Spock, but they also needed a comforting, reassuring hand.

“Twenty thousand meters.”

Spock was monitoring carefully, without talking.

Leonard could not take his eyes from his hand resting on the armchair. Beautiful and ever so calm – he wondered what was going on in his mind. He had started learning how to read emotions through the bond, but right now nothing was ‘leaking’ – most certainly, his Vulcan master was doing his best to maintain his composure and focus to what he had to do.

“O-Olson is gone, Sir!!” – the young man exclaimed in horror.

Leonard closed his eyes for a moment – that was a terrible way to die, under his watch, and there was nothing he could have done. Olson had pulled his chute way too late and had hit the margin of the platform they were supposed to land on, losing his balance and falling from it.

Don’t do something stupid, Jim, Leonard thought. I am tired of you doing shitty and brave things.

Spock stood up and came near Leonard, his hands clasped behind his back, looking at the display. A wave of comfort and strength passed through the bond, as the physical distance between them reduced. Leonard could feel the heat of his body radiating; he could sense his gaze upon him. He wanted to just turn towards him and hold him tight… but of course there was no chance of such a thing happening anytime soon.

“Kirk has landed…” – Chekov announced.

“I wonder what the hell’s going on down there” – Leonard murmured. He was carefully monitoring Jim’s life-signs – and he didn’t even need to hear Chekov say that Sulu had also landed because he could tell that himself – his adrenalin level had gone up, as well as the blood pressure and breathing rate. Kirk was on a pretty similar condition – most certainly they were fighting with someone.

It was SO typical of Jim that Leonard almost cursed. Fighting at high altitude, on a twenty square meter platform, being in danger of either getting himself killed, or falling down. Good God!

There was an eerie silence on the Bridge as everyone was monitoring their Captain’s progress. Spock knew, he felt that he had not gained their confidence; his only ally and friend there was Leonard – Leonard whose temper was something very difficult to deal with. He would have to discuss the issue with him at some point – but then again they had so much to discuss…

He could not help but to think about his little house up on the mountain, where Leonard had said he would now go willingly. It was so tempting – to just quit everything, take him and go there, to their private oasis of peace. They would live a quiet life, close to Sarek and Amanda; they would have peace and harmony amidst the pure Edelweiss flowers; but right now, a mad Romulan was threatening to destroy them – he had to deal with the current situation.

 “The jamming’s signal’s gone, transport abilities are re-established”, Lieutenant Uhura reported.

“Transporter control is reengaged, Sir” – Chekov also confirmed.

<Kirk to Enterprise, do you copy?>

“Just get them out of there” – Leonard tried, but everyone was talking at the same time - it was really difficult to understand anything. He went closer to Spock, trying to tell him that he had to –

<They just launched something at the planet through the hole they just drilled!>

“Run gravitational sensors”, Spock immediately ordered. “I want to know what they are doing to the planet.”

“Commander, you must get them – “ – Leonard tried again, but Spock simply took a hold of his wrist, signalling him to be quiet.

“Gravitational sensors are off the scale – “ Chekov tried, only to be interrupted by a very angry Leonard who pulled himself out of Spock’s grip:

“Will you listen to me – “

Spock stood up and turned towards him, his eyes completely black:

“Enough! Chekov, report.”

“If my calculations are correct, they are creating a singularity that will c…c-consume the planet…”

Every single living being on the Bridge froze upon hearing those words. Leonard had the distinct impression that the very air had solidified – Spock was not even breathing anymore.

Vulcan – the planet Vulcan was about to be destroyed? Billions of lives, ended by a Romulan maniac who was on a personal vengeance mission? His mother and father –

“They are creating a black hole at the center of Vulcan?” – Spock somehow managed to utter.

“Yes…”

“How… long… does the planet have?... he murmured, lost for a moment in the depth of despair.

“Mmmminutes, Sir”, the young man replied, with sorrow. “Minutes.”

Spock stood up and took a fistful of Leonard’s uniform:

“Alert Vulcan Command Center to signal a planet-wide evacuation, all channels, all frequencies. Now!” – he ordered, rushing towards the turbolift.

“Master… wait!” – he said rushing towards him, not even realizing how he was addressing him anymore – "Where are You going?”

“To get my Parents.”

“I will come with you!”

“Stay. Here.” – he said sternly – “And do what you are told. For once.”

Leonard flinched visibly at the rebuke, but obeyed nonetheless, there was no time for feeling guilty or hurt right now. He sat down at the nearest console and pressed a few controls:

“This is Leonard McCoy, Vulcan citizen; on behalf of Spock of Vulcan, Heir of the Sarek House, I am ordering a planet wide evacuation. Please head to the nearest shuttle port and leave the planet immediately. I repeat, this is a planetary evacuation order.”

As soon as the Vulcan Command center acknowledged his identity both as a Vulcan citizen – because that was what one would become when under a Vulcan bond – and as a Starfleet Officer – they responded that they will need to evacuate a large number of people onto the Enterprise – starting with the children.

Leonard knew right there and then that soon, groups of children will start being beamed up – scared and perhaps hurt – who knew what the hell was going on down there already! – some of them lost and disoriented. He stood up and surveyed the Bridge – in the rush of the moment, Spock had not relinquished command to someone else, and therefore no one was on the Commanding Chair. He went there, pressed a few controls and turned towards Chekov.

“Mr. Chekov, you have the conn.”

“M…me?” – the young man stuttered – he was barely seventeen, but a certified genius with an IQ of 160.

“Get on that chair now”, Leonard said with a mix of anger and confidence. “You will do fine. I need to go to transporter room. I know I can trust you. Message me every 2 minutes with the planet’s status.”

“Okey” – the young man replied – he knew Leonard well, it was one of the oldest of the entire team – 34 years old, while all the others were barely in their twenties. The Doctor had always inspired him trust – yes, he could do that. He definitely could.

That being settled, Leonard rushed towards the transporter room, hoping to still catch Spock before him beaming down. He ran on the long corridors and reached there just in time to see Jim and Sulu collapse on the padd as if falling from the ceiling – he gave them a confused look but immediately started scanning them – Jim was, as usually, badly hurt.

“Clear the padd” – Spock ordered, rushing towards the transporter. I am beaming to the surface.”

Leonard watched him securing a belt which had several pockets for the additional devices needed in away missions – a weapon, a medical tricorder, a flashlight and a communicator. He looked straight into his eyes for a moment, while Jim was leaning on him heavily, one arm broken.

“The surface of WHAT? Spock, are you nuts? You can’t do that!!” – Jim suddenly snapped, rushing towards the transporter to grab Spock’s arm, but it was too late – the transport sequence had already been initialized and Spock dematerialized in front of them, he himself gazing at Leonard – what if – what if they will never meet again?

What if Spock reached Vulcan when the disintegration of the planet was so advanced that no life-form could survive?

Leonard’s heart started beating fast – so fast that he could not even attend to Jim for a moment. He just stared absently at the empty padd – one million voices screaming at him from within.

“HOW COULD YOU”, Jim yelled at him. “How could you let him go?! He’s a Vulcan citizen!! We are bound by a billion Federation laws to protect them!! At whatever cost! Not to mention he’s your – your, how did you call him – Master or whatever!”

“He does what he wants”, Leonard said, his expression blank, staring downwards.

“Not on this ship, he doesn’t. Kirk to Montgomery Scott, get to the transporter room at once!”

“Aye!” – the Scottish man prompted and arrived minutes after.

<Two minutes, 57 seconds to planet dissolution.> \- Chekov reported from the Bridge.

“Planet dissolution?!” – Jim suddenly realized. “We must send a planetary evacuation call!”

“I’ve already done that.” – Leonard said – he was feeling crushed.

“You have? Then let me –“

Leonard finally managed to shake away the dark thoughts and took Jim’s arm, making him sit down on a chair.

“Let me regenerate that bone so that you can go to the Bridge.”

“Wha’ – I don’t have time for this – just let go of me Bones!” – he snapped at him one more time, too agitated to even process anything. Vulcan was being destroyed and there was nothing he could do. “Scotty, beam Spock the hell out of there!!”

“Jim. He’s gone to get his Parents, for the love of God”, Leonard said on a defeated tone. “Let him be.”

“But…”

“Just. Let. Him. Be.”

Jim took a deep breath and sat down on a chair, trying to put himself for a moment in Spock’s shoes. He was about to face the imminent destruction of his planet, and possibly the imminent death of his parents. Who, being in his place, wouldn’t have done everything that was possible?

He silently tore up his sleeve, allowing Leonard to regenerate the broken bone in his arm.

 

The view on the surface of Vulcan was altogether horrifying and heartbreaking. Spock rushed towards the Katric Ark where Sarek and Amanda would be in case of danger – the safest place on the planet – he had already located their life-signs there.  The ground was shaky and rocks were coming down the mountain in avalanche. He tried to rush, he knew – as Chekov had said – that the planet had _minutes left_. What to do and who to save first? He knew that Leonard had sent the distress call – he could see shuttles taking off and heading towards the orbit – he only hoped that there were as many children as possible where in those shuttles.

He was trying to run up the mountain as fast as he could, the Katric Ark was at an altitude of 2,300 meters and he had been able to beam up at only 2,100. He could hardly breathe, his feet were hurting, his heart was pumping fast; he was a very fast runner, but running uphill when you had just minutes left was no easy thing, even for a Vulcan.

He rushed inside the Katric Ark – it was dark; he switched on the flashlight – he did not have time to adjust to the environment.

The Elders of the planet Vulcan were all there – holding hands, forming a large centre around the pillar which sustained the ceiling of the Ark. It was a sacred moment – the gathering and merging of all the knowledge of their race – being put together and shared with all the present minds. Whoever would survive, would also have the thesaurus of thoughts of all the others.

Spock stared at them for only a few seconds, after which he abruptly broke the circle, well aware of the sacrilege. He took Amanda’s hand and pulled her towards the exit:

“The planet has only seconds left. We must evacuate!” – he screamed, looking at Sarek with imploring eyes. “Please, Father, now!”

Sarek saw the urgency in his Son’s eyes. He took the hands of two other Elders and rushed towards the exit – he knew no one could beam them out of the Ark, they had to be outside. Pillars started crashing down; a medium-sized rock brushed over Sarek’s shoulder and made him scream for a moment. Others behind them were not so lucky. Spock managed to get out of the Ark perhaps half of the Elders. Amanda was in his hands. His Father – behind.

“Spock to Enterprise. Get us out. Now!”

 

Leonard dropped the osteoregenerator off his hand, gazing at the transporter pad – He Was Coming Back – he was safe –

“Locking volume” – Scotty transmitted. “Don’t move. Don’t move!!!”

 

Spock felt the ground shaking and… shrinking, dissolving, sinking towards its own centre; he looked around, painfully aware it was the last time he was seeing his world. He instinctively wanted to hold on to something – there was nothing, however – rocks falling from everywhere, He felt the transporter sequence commencing, and with despair he felt Amanda slipping off his hands and falling down with the crumbling rock under their feet – he could not even scream!

 

He collapsed on his knees, on the transporter padd, broken. He had been unable to hold her – he had been unable to guard her life. Not even aware of the eyes that were gazing at him in the room, he leaned with one hand to the floor, trying hard not to cry.

Medical teams had rushed inside, stretchers were being brought in – the doctors and nurses were attending to the Elders – Spock was shattered inside.

He felt his Father’s hand on his shoulder, comforting, conveying him his compassion as well as his own, raw pain at the abrupt loss of his mate. But Sarek could not afford to mourn yet – there was so much he had to do.

Leonard rushed to them, back in his senses; he needed to start the triage and take everyone to MedBay. He looked at Sarek just for a second.

“Attend to your Master”, Sarek told him – for the first time acknowledging their relationship.

Leonard did not wait to be told twice – he approached Spock and took his hand.

He didn’t know how to comfort him or what to say. What do you say to a person who lost his Mother just moments ago? How do you pull him out of the trance and back to reality?

Spock was not the person to deal well with such devastating emotion, even though nothing was written on his face. It consumed him and it made him act irrationally. Leonard could not allow that.

“Master”, Leonard said, softly.

As always, the bond fluttered, filling with light. Spock stood up and straightened himself, but he did hold Leonard’s hand tight, with despair and sorrow – as if – almost as if he would say – _help me, do not let me fall apart._

“You need to go to the Bridge now and get us all out of here. Jim’s arm is broken and Pike has not returned.”

“…dead?” – he asked with a broken voice, once more shattered by the possibility of losing his one friend and protector.

“No, he is not dead. His life-signs are registering. He is being kept a prisoner, most certainly. But you got to get us out of here. I left Chekov in command, but he’s just a kid, you saw him. Come on. I’ll go to triage and to regenerate Jim’s arm.”

Spock lifted heavy shields around his own pain. No time to mourn. Their ship was still in danger. He had to act now.

“Thank you, Doctor”, he said on the coldest, most expressionless tone, and headed towards the Bridge.

Feelings were in the way.

Feelings had to be left aside for now.

Even those for Leonard.

Leonard felt a cold shiver as their bond darkened.

 

 

_Acting Captain’s Log, Stardate 2258.42. We have no word from Captain Pike. I have therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the Elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate that no more than 10,000 have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species…_

 

He stood up from the Chair and gave the conn to Chekov – he needed a moment to recollect himself. He headed towards the turbolift; he felt Leonard – who had been on the Bridge for some time – following him.

Spock pressed a button, and the lift started moving downwards. Leonard waited a few seconds and pressed another button. Between decks, they were alone for the first time.

Spock did not look at him – he seemed distracted, staring in the distance, absent-minded.

Leonard took both his hands and knelt in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings! Warnings! Warnings!  
> Mentions of torture, characters being beaten.  
> AnJoan Grey is about to kick some ass.

Leonard was on his knees, in front of Spock, in the turbolift – holding his hands. The lift was not moving, stopped between decks. Spock was not reacting, as if in a deep state of shock or trance… understandable, if you came to think that he had just lost his Mother and his entire World. What did he still have left?

Leonard kissed both his hands a few times.

He waited, looking up towards him; at last, Spock’s dark eyes met his, acknowledging his presence. Pulled out of the deep pain and despair by a firm hand, Spock recognized his beloved Leonard – there, in front of him, on his knees.

He had lost almost everything – but he still had Leonard – his beloved Leonard –

He ran his fingers through the human’s hair, slowly, as if caressing a cat. Leonard caught his hand mid-gesture and pressed his lips on it one more time, with love, trust, passion, with everything that he had kept inside his soul for so long – with everything that he was.

“I am here, Master”, Leonard said.

It was obvious he was there, Spock thought – but no, that was not what he meant. Leonard was there _for him_. Leonard was his, and he was safe, he was there with him, for him. Leonard would never leave again – he had promised –

Leonard knew there were _no words_ to comfort someone who’d been through such a loss – the wounds were raw and fresh, and even though he was a Doctor – those wounds were nothing he could heal. Perhaps his presence would be a little helpful.

“I could not hold her… she slipped right out of my hands” – he whispered, watching his own palms, as if blaming them for the tragedy that had happened.

Leonard stood up, well aware of the transgression – one should never stand up out of his own will, it is the Master who commands you to do so –

“I will apologize later”, he said, wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck and holding him tight. He knew Spock would perceive, though the touch, all his unconditional love and support. Spock leaned on him heavily, as if he were on the verge of losing consciousness; he responded to the embrace, pulling Leonard even closer, caressing the back of his neck, holding him tight – he had the distinct feeling that his mind was about to break down.

Shattered – he felt shattered – having lost his Mother – she had given birth to him and he could not save her – what kind of a son was he?

“What can I do? Tell me… tell me what do you need…” – Leonard whispered – there were no shields now to prevent Spock’s pain from flowing through their bond.

“I failed her.”

“You can fight against anyone, Master… but not against gravity… It was not your fault. Come on, let’s return to the Bridge. That guy is out there and he seems to wait for your reaction before killing us all. You are still in command…”

“I cannot…”

“Yes, you can, and you will! I will not let you quit. Are you going to let Nero take you everything else – the Elders, Sarek, this ship, me?”

Spock looked at him silently for a few seconds. Leonard was right – they were still in grave danger, they had no weapons capabilities and their warp core was offline. He could not afford to… fall apart. He could not afford tears.

He slammed a finger into the turbolift console and reversed its direction, returning to the Bridge. He arrived there at the same time with Jim, whose arm was bandaged and who had multiple other bruises all over his face.

Leonard followed Spock closely.

“Resuming command”, Jim said. You are hereby instated as my First Officer”, he told Spock. “Gentlemen”, he addressed the entire Bridge crew before Spock could even utter a word – “we are in a complicated situation. We have no drive and no weapons. The only reason for which we are still alive is because that bastard is waiting to see Mr. Spock’s reaction.”

He remembered very well Nero’s words: _Spock, there is something I’d like you to see._ Of course, that scum wanted Spock to witness the destruction of his world and to hear his cry of despair – most certainly…

“He has the technology to destroy an entire planet in just a few minutes. We must assume that every Federation planet is a potential target. We need to stop him at all costs.”

“How?” – Leonard asked. “We can’t move an inch.”

“I am open to suggestions.” – Jim said.

“Well,” Scotty said as he had come to the Bridge as well – “I could restart the engine but I need a wee bit over ten minutes to do that. You think you can buy me that time?”

“I will buy you that time”, Spock said. “Captain, since he is expecting a reaction from me, let him have that reaction. I will go to him.”

“And do what? It is out of the question. He already has Pike.”

“Perhaps we can negotiate a prisoner exchange. Since I am Vulcan, he might be interested…”

Jim seemed to consider the plan – he also wanted Pike out of there – badly.

“So that he can torture you to death?” – Leonard spluttered. “Are you out of your Vulcan mind? You are going there only over my dead body!”

“Do you have a better suggestion, Bones?” – Jim asked wearily.

“Um. Yes. Call for backup.”

“Bones, no one will come. The guy just destroyed an entire squad of ships. The rest of the Fleet is all the way in the Laurentian system…”

But Leonard wasn’t listening to him. He went to the communications console and asked Uhura to let him sit down for a moment.

He pressed a few controls – clumsily, because it was not really his regular working-place – and connected a call to Remus. In order to get through to the Emperor, he added that he was a Vulcan citizen and added his name – Leonard McCoy – the mention of Vulcan seemed to open all doors on that planet. He pressed the _Text only_ control on the console and wrote a message to AnJoan Grey.

<Vulcan has been destroyed. Sarek survived. We are still in grave danger.>

There was a short silence for a few moments.

<Omw> the response came, and Leonard knew that there was a wrathful Reman on his way to help them.

“In my opinion”, Leonard said standing up and returning near Spock and Jim – “stalling is essential here – give Scotty some time so that he can restart the warp engine. Then we can just get the hell out of here.”

“What about Pike?” – Spock asked, with growing concern.

“Where is Captain Pike?” – Sarek asked, he had just arrived to the Bridge and heard the entire exchange.

“Greetings, Ambassador, Sir.” – Jim said. “Captain Pike is still a prisoner on that ship.”

“Let me negotiate his freedom. Open hailing frequencies.”

“But, Ambassador…” – Jim started. Negotiating something with that Nero bastard, of all the ideas that had been advanced so far – seemed like the worst one yet.

“Now, Captain”, Sarek said, only slightly annoyed – but on a tone which made Spock’s soul tremble – the Ambassador was used to have everyone obey him instantly.

“I cannot allow you to do that, Sir! You are the leader of the Vulcan world! What’s left of it anyway… for which I am sorry – your safety is of utmost importance…”

“Kirk”, he said sternly – “I outrank you here. You will do as I say. As soon as I am there, I will transmit images and tactical analysis of the enemy ship through the bond I have with my son.”

“Oh, what the hell, we are going to die anyway”, Jim said, and opened hailing frequencies.

“Enterprise…” – Nero started with great satisfaction.

“This is Sarek of Vulcan.” – the Ambassador said calmly, staring into his eyes.

If anything, Nero looked annoyed. He thought he had managed to annihilate the entire race, except that young Spock aboard the Enterprise – which was a matter of time, anyway – but instead, he noticed that the Great King Sarek was alive and well.

Everybody had heard about him – how dangerous and powerful he was, and how he could fuck with your mind until there was no reason left in you.

“I willingly surrender myself to you if you agree to the safe return of Captain Christopher Pike.”

“Oh? And what use do I have of you?”

“I have lived more than a century and a half, child”, Sarek explained, as if he was teaching a lesson to a spoiled brat.

“And?”

“And I will share any information you require, in return of our Captain. Simultaneous transportation. No tricks. Enterprise is not going anywhere, as you are well aware.”

“And what if I blow the Enterprise up?”

“Oh, I do not have any doubts you are able to do that. However, no ship should go down without her Captain”, he said gravely, maintaining eye-contact at all times.

“That is very noble of you”, he started laughing – “especially since the human Pike is in no condition to even speak; I would certainly appreciate new material to study. Simultaneous transportation coordinates synchronized.”

Sarek turned towards Spock – a silent understanding lay between them.

Sarek was certain he would not be returning alive – however if there was the slightest chance of Christopher Pike being saved, he would take it. He had been his best friend for decades. He had taken care of Spock; he was a noble, gentle and brave man. He was important. Sarek – however – had just lost everything – his vast ‘kingdom’ and his wife. Spock couldn’t even imagine the pain of the abruptly broken bond. There was no larger suffering; Spock knew his Father would have rather died than… continue this way.

The transporter sequence initialized and Spock could confirm from his console that – while Sarek’s silhouette was dematerializing, another one took shape in its place – seconds after, the unconscious, livid silhouette of Christopher Pike crashed at Spock’s feet.

Leonard rushed to him and started scanning – it was bad, really bad – there was severe spine trauma and an alien life form somewhere in his stomach.

“Son of a bitch. There’s a centaurian slug inside him. McCoy to MedBay! Beam me a stretcher straight to the Bridge, and the following medical equipment” – he ordered, and started dictating a long list. He did not want to move Pike even an inch before stabilizing him – he could die at any moment. Sarek’s sacrifice would have been in vain. He could not have that.

“Hurts”, Pike managed to say.

Spock sank on his knees near him, aligning his fingers on both Pike’s cheeks.

“Spock…” – the Captain whispered.

“Hush now… I will numb your pain receptors.”

Leonard looked at Spock with gratitude – yes, that was the thing to do – because there was no way in he was injecting any anaesthetic into Pike’s body right now.

“Status?” – Pike requested.

“We… um…” – Spock tried, unable to bring himself to lie, even though he was well aware that the last thing Pike needed to hear was _the status_ – the desperate, hopeless situation they were in.

“We are doing fine. Scotty is working on getting the warp core online, and help is on the way”, Leonard assured him without missing a beat.

Spock gave him an accusing look, to which Leonard responded with a very reassuring one.

Seconds after, Spock suddenly tensed.

“What, what?” – Leonard asked, worried.

“He is hitting my Father” – Spock said.

Leonard knew there was not much to be done.

“I am receiving images through the bond.” – he said, and waited for Jim to come near them – which he did immediately. “They have… they have something which is called _red matter_. It consists of decalithium isotopes; upon ignition, it explodes and creates a black hole which consumes everything on a two light-year radius.”

“Hold on a second…” – Jim said, turning towards Spock. “I don’t understand anything… you are receiving this information through your bond – with… Sarek?”

“Through our paternal bond, yes.”

“How did Sarek obtain them?”

“Captain, my Father is the most formidable telepath of this galaxy. He can read your entire mind just by mere touch – of course, he doesn’t go around doing that – except when in critical situations such as this.”

“So basically he is… provoking Nero to hit him, so that he could read his mind through the touch and provide us with tactical data?”

“I believe so”, Spock said sorrowfully. He continued to receive information, but also pain, angst, anger, all the feelings he had lived before and now he found that his own Father was also living. “He transmits that the red matter is in the center of their ship, heavily shielded and guarded. He says… he says to find means to ignite it and be done with Nero… because his next targets are Betazed, Kronos and… and… Earth.”

“Kirk to Montgomery Scott. How are we doing there, Scotty? I need full weapons.”

“That’s nae gonna happen. All I can give you is Warp 4.”

“Can you beam Ambassador Sarek out of there?”

“I probably could if their shields were down at least for one second.”

“Okay, how do we get those shields down and how do we create a large-enough explosion aboard that ship?”

“We don’t and we don’t” – Scotty said – and Jim knew that was it.

“Go to transporter room. Lock on to the Ambassador’s life-signs and stand by.”

“Aye” – Scotty acknowledged and rushed to the transporter room.

A desperate plan was being born into Jim’s mind. He would take a shuttle, load it with explosives and  pilot it himself straight into the middle of the enemy ship, then detonate the explosives; that should be enough to ignite the red matter.

Leonard didn’t like the way Jim had grown silent.

“Don’t even think about it…” – he warned.

“About what?” – Jim asked.

“About _it_. I know that look. It’s the _I am going to do something crazy_ look.”

“Spock.” – Jim said standing up as if he had reached the final decision.

“Captain?”

“I am leaving you in command of the Enterprise. Scotty will beam your Father out of there as soon as their shields are down. Take everyone to safety and – “

“Captain, pardon me but what do we gain? We will get him back and have you killed. My Father went there to release Captain Pike… other than that he has no desire to continue living.”

“But he is very important! He must survive at all cost!”

“Not at all cost, Captain…”

Jim sank back on the Commanding chair; so many ideas had been circulated and no one was viable. Every course of action they would choose to take, he was sure they only complicated things. He was known for not believing in _no win_ scenarios; but right now he simply felt lost.

“Alien ship decloaking!” – Chekov announced, looking at the view-screen, terrified.

“What, now?” – Jim exclaimed, startled – as if they didn’t have enough problems…

The ship which had just decloaked was something between the Enterprise and the Narada in terms of size. However it was much more elegant and it reminded Jim of a giant spider, with long, large legs… a predator.

“What in the name of God is that…?” – he murmured. “Tactical analysis, Mr. Chekov…”

“Fifty-two disruptor banks, twenty-seven torpedo bays, primary and secondary shields.”

Jim just stared at it for some moments – it was the single worst thing he had ever seen, after the Narada.

Leonard was still struggling to stabilize Pike, he looked for a second at the approaching ship. Spock stood up, standing between Leonard and the view-screen as if trying to protect them – even though his logic told him no amount of protection would be enough against such a pair of enemies.

He turned towards Leonard – all hope gone from his eyes.

“It will be over soon”, he whispered.

“No, it will not”, Leonard said.

“We are being ha-“ – Chekov started to say, but before he could finish, the black, scary silhouette of AnJoan Grey appeared on the screen. The young navigator could not suppress his horror at the sight of him and just looked away.

That is a surprise, Jim thought. What was the galaxy’s most feared predator doing here? Was he here to help Nero finish them off? – not that Nero needed any help, for that matter – everyone knew that Remans and Romulans shared a common ancestry – still, what was he doing here and what should he do?

He decided to proceed with caution – not that it mattered anymore.

“Your Majesty – an unexpected surprise to see you he-“

“Silence. Where is Sarek of Vulcan?”

“He is not with us – he is, uhh… I am afraid he is a prisoner aboard the Narada.”

“Narada?” – he asked, pressing a few controls – it looked as if he was just noticing the other ship. “Where is Leonard?”

Spock visibly stiffened, as if he could do anything against that being – nevertheless, he would die trying, rather than allow him hurt Leonard in the slightest.

“I am here”, Leonard spoke – ignoring Spock’s blazing look.

He stood up, so that the Reman could see him.

Spock took his hand, trying to understand what was going on through the brief touch – he was amazed to discover that Leonard did not fear the being in front of them – even more, he trusted him.

It was only then that AnJoan Grey noticed Spock.

He bowed his head deeply.

Spock failed to understand anything of what was going on.

“You do not know who I am, but I know all about you. I also don’t know if my name means anything to you, but I am AnJoan Grey.”

Spock took a deep breath, staring at him for one moment. This being was AnJoan Grey? – the one that his Father –

“What happened to Lord Sarek?” – he asked again.

“My Father is aboard the Narada after having negotiated a prisoner exchange.”

“I will go get him.”

Jim’s eyes widened at that – for the first time, there was a bit of hope. Perhaps they would get out of this complicated situation…

“Don’t do anything hasty!” – he said quickly. “They have decalithium which is higlhly unstable – should you ignite it – “

“I know what decalithium is, and what it does, youngling” – he addressed Kirk. “Be at peace and treat your wounded – I will take care of the little problem. Rest assured no one will harm you.”, he said, positioning his ship well between the Enterprise and the Narada, and extending his shields around them.

Jim exchanged one puzzled look with Spock.

“Master”, Leonard asked – and no one was even surprised anymore to hear him addressing the Vulcan that way.

“What is it?” – Spock said, turning towards him.

“Can you tell me what condition Sarek is in? I need to know what to prepare. Pike is stable now and I will beam him directly to the operating theatre.”

“He – “ – Spock began, shivering – “He is being beaten or tortured – systematically hit in the head and over his face.”

“Is he conscious?”

“Yes, but he has stopped transmitting information to me. That may be because his telepathic centres had already been affected – or because he simply _gave up…_ ”

 

“You are a very brave Vulcan; no matter how much I despise your race, I must give you credit for your courage.” – Nero told Sarek of Vulcan after having tied him onto something that looked like a surgical table.

“I despise you. You are nothing but a rat.”

Nero visibly flinched at the words spoken by the Great King – he was well aware of who Sarek was, and not at all blind to his pure beauty – however nothing of these prevented him from forcefully slapping his face, making his nose bleed.

Sarek concentrated his entire mental energy in the brief contact between Nero’s hand and his own cheek – enough to extract critical information and to send to his son.

“Give me the subspace frequencies of Starfleet’s border protection grids, specifically those surrounding Earth.”

“I do not possess such information.”

“Oh, smart, smart, but this is not gonna work”, he said, striking him again, over the other cheek. “I do not buy into your lies.”

“Vulcans do not lie.” – Sarek said, managing to extract information about the red matter and its location this time.

“The SUBSPACE FREQUENCIES!!!” – he yelled, hitting him over his face repeatedly.

Sarek extracted every other useful thing from the mind of the ruthless Romulan, after which he simply shut down his own mind, going numb, deep into a trance, with no connection to the exterior world. Whatever would happen, it would happen – he had done his job – he could no longer help anyone. It was his time to sleep and forget.

 

AnJoan Grey had different plans. After having discussed a bit more with James Kirk – who seemed to have good knowledge and ideas despite being very young – he synched with him and with the Enterprise’s Chief Engineer, and turned his attention towards the Narada.

He only had to fire 5 torpedoes to completely annihilate their shields and a part of their starboard bow.

“I can’t lock on to the Ambassador!” – he is in a heavily shielded area, near the red matter.

“I will go get him myself”, AnJoan announced and he beamed himself aboard the Narada, having a gun in each hand.

Everyone knew that Remans are formidable warriors; how would the leader of their race be? AnJoan started firing at everything that moved, walking slowly towards the location of his beloved.

Nobody would harm Sarek of Vulcan AND survive.

He was the doom of that ship.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Violence.  
> Nero's death.  
> People throwing up.

“Why, Spock?” Why so much hatred? What have we done to this Romulan?” – Jim wanted to know. He had hoped that Sarek saw the plans and thoughts in Nero’s mind – he really wanted to know why.

“According to my Father”, Spock said – “sometime in the next two hundred years, the Hobus star will become unstable and evolve into a supernova, threatening to destroy the entire galaxy. On Vulcan, there was one person who had developed the technology of creating black holes through the implosion of the mineral known as decalithium. Romulus would be the first planet to be destroyed by the supernova; Vulcan and Earth the most unlikely ones since they are quite far from Hobus. The Romulan Praetor asked Sarek for the red matter formula for years… but he always refused, since it can also be used as a mass destruction tool, at the hands of the wrong people.”

“Yeah, and Romulans are definitely the wrong people,” Leonard said.

“Exactly”, Spock continued. “When the Romulan Praetor gave up, Nero, a rogue soul, started asking for the formula with sheer stubbornness and determination. He already had large quantities of decalithium from their mining… all he needed was to know what to do with it. Sarek refused with obstinacy – until… until Nero stole it from the Vulcan High Command Centre.”

“Son of a bitch”, Leonard snapped.

“Nero had never forgotten the humiliation. He advised Vulcan they WILL ALL pay because nobody refuses Romulus anything. And the first to pay would be the very person who had created he formula.”

“Wait”, Jim said, rather confused. “So you are saying that Sarek has in fact postulated the red-matter formula?”

“No”, Spock said sorrowfully. “I did.”

That was the ultimate surprise. Leonard looked at the Master carefully – he looked defeated, crushed by everything that had gathered – he was the shadow of the proud, strong man he had met high on the mountain.

 

AnJoan Grey was tall, dark, and repulsive to look at. Yet there was something majestic about him – the way he walked, perhaps, the way his voice rendered you unable to think of something else – alluring, demanding and deceiving – AnJoan Grey had but two purposes: retrieving Sarek of Vulcan – and killing everything else on that ship – not necessarily in that order. His predator instincts were at their maximum – he simply fired at everything that moved. He did not know where Sarek was. But he had a Vulcan bond, embedded deeply in his consciousness, in the centre of his mind, of his heart; he used it as a compass; he felt it gleaming warmer and stronger as he was approaching him.

“Enterprise”, he spoke in his communicator.

<Yes, Your Majesty> \- Jim responded, in complete awe and not knowing how to optimally help him – because the Reman really seemed to know what he was doing.

“Stand by to transport at my command. Also prepare to engage warp. There will be a huge explosion.”

<Your Majesty, if you ignite the red matter – when the black hole forms, we will be…>

“It is your job to fix that. I am doing my job here” – he said briefly, firing at three other Romulans – he had a gun in each hand.

He passed through a tunnel, the air was humid, putrid; he hoped that Sarek was still in one piece – no doubt that he was approaching the place where that Nero scum would torture and let his prisoners rot. He swore to himself that if Sarek had a single bruise, he would break every bone in Nero’s body. Yes, that was a good plan.

At the end of the tunnel, there was a large cargo room, with tables – on one of them he recognized the silhouette of his Beloved. He nearly fell on his knees under the impact of sudden emotion – it had been so long, and Sarek was – he was tied onto a table and his beautiful face was full of blood. He spotted Nero standing proudly a few feet away, defiantly looking at him. He did not have a gun, so AnJoan instinctively knew that he was there to distract him; without even thinking, he extended his arms to the left and right and fired, shooting down an entire security squad. He didn’t even have to look in order to know they were dead – Nero suddenly panicked and attempted to run.

“STAY”, he ordered on a deep, even, calm voice, yet hypnotic and overwhelming. “DO NOT MOVE.”

He noticed with satisfaction that Nero froze on the spot.

He advanced slowly until he reached the table on which Sarek lay; he gently placed a hand on his chest and noticed that he was breathing – there was hope.

He spotted a tall cylindrical recipient in the far corner of the bay, containing what it appeared to be decalithium – he recognized the red, viscous texture. There were ample force-fields around the cylinder – however nothing that could withstand his disruptor blast.

He used one of his sharp talons to cut all the restraints that had been used to tie Sarek onto the table; he wrapped one arm, gently, with extreme care, around his waist. Amidst the dangerous situation, AnJoan could not help but to think… that it was the sweetest sensation. Sarek’s body was limp, but warm; he must have been into a trance. Holding him tight with one arm, he advanced towards Nero, calmly, as if he had all the time in the world.

Nero could not move, paralyzed by the sound of his voice having ordered him to be still. AnJoan Grey was looking at him as if he was studying an insect.

“WHAT??” – Nero managed to scream hysterically, horrified by the strange, repugnant creature.

“I said to myself earlier”, AnJoan spoke – using the same alluring voice – “that if I find a single bruise on Lord Sarek’s face, I would break every bone in your body. But I think there are more painful ways to kill you”,  he added; after which, he took Nero’s hand, turned it with his wrist upwards, raised it to his mouth and bit him hard, his sharp teeth breaking through the flesh, the tissue, ripping apart the veins, all with great satisfaction and ignoring the Romulan’s screams of excruciating pain; slowly, taking his own sweet time, he allowed the deadly venom that was secreted by the small glands located near his sharp teeth to pass onto Nero’s body, through the wound.

He let go of his wrist and made a step back, spitting and wiping his mouth. Nero had collapsed to the ground, in convulsions, throwing up green blood, struggling to breathe, in excruciating agony.

AnJoan just watched for a while. He had time.

No one would harm Sarek of Vulcan and survive, he thought, holding him with both arms. The bond was glowing like the sun at midday. He had his Beloved in his arms; the rat that was struggling to die, at their feet, did not even deserve a pitiful look.

He extended one hand towards the decalithium cylinder. He fired three disruptor blasts. The first two disabled the force-fields; the third one broke the cylinder and ignited the red matter.

“Enterprise, two to beam up”, he said calmly – and seconds after he felt the pleasant, soothing sensation of transporter sequence commencing.

Quite in time – because the decalithium ignited, imploded, then expanded with a terrible noise, shattering a good portion of the Narada and starting to eat away the rest.

 

Leonard and Spock rushed to the transporter room – together with a complete crash team from MedBay. Leonard had also brought an environmental belt and, as soon as the two silhouettes materialized on their own transporter pad, he gave it to AnJoan Grey.

“Put this on. It will maintain a sub-zero environment around your body. Come on, let him go, I’ve got him.”

AnJoan hesitated for a moment, before deposing Sarek on the stretcher. Having held him in his arms one more time… one more time… perhaps the last time, who knows…

“Put the environmental belt on, you thickhead!” – Leonard snapped at him, he was in no mood for dramatic moments right now.

The crass insult zoomed AnJoan back into the harsh reality, and also completely horrified Spock.

“He is an Emperor, Leonard…” – he tried to say to him.

“Oh, please, right now no one is an emperor.”

He scanned Sarek carefully, there were no traces of inner trauma. He had been beaten, but the Vulcan constitution was much more solid than that of humans and he had only been badly bruised. Apart from that, his vitals were stable, even though not very strong. He could almost say that Sarek was in a deep sleep – or in a superficial coma? Damn Vulcans! If only he knew more about their physiology and delicate mind processes, and this was sure as hell a bad moment to start learning.

“He is in a trance, Leonard. He will not wake up easily.” – Spock said, seeing Leonard’s puzzled look and AnJoan’s worried face – the Reman had collapsed on his knees near the stretcher, just gazing at Sarek.

“Okay. Medbay, now”, Leonard ordered, and signalled to his team to take the stretcher and proceed. “I just hope the Narada problem is over… Don’t want any bumps during surgery.”

“SURGERY?” – AnJoan exclaimed.

“Not him… come along now…” – he said kindly, giving AnJoan a compassionate look. The Reman had just singlehandedly destroyed a ship which was ten times larger than the Enterprise – he deserved a good word.

Instead of following Leonard to MedBay as he felt the desperate urge to – not only because he was worried sick for his Father – but also because he could not stand being apart from Leonard anymore – Spock returned to the Bridge. The distance between him and Leonard was simply draining him, but everyone was doing their duty – James Kirk, AnJoan Grey, Leonard McCoy – he had to do the same.

He arrived to the Bridge in time to see the Narada simply disintegrating; large portions of it had broken and were gravitating towards the centre, where a black hole had formed due to the implosion of the decalithium. The view was altogether horrific and satisfying – there went the ship whose commander and crew had annihilated most of the Vulcan race.

Nero’s face suddenly appeared on the view-screen – startling everyone. Apparently his First Officer had managed to beam him away from the cargo, right before the red-matter had been ignited by AnJoan Grey.

He looked as if he had been slaughtered by a large wild animal – blood and wounds everywhere, half of his arm seemed gone, as if cut away – Spock could not help but to wonder – what kind of a force had driven AnJoan to do such horrible things to another being? And then he tried to put himself in his shoes – had someone taken Leonard from him, wouldn’t he have done the same? And in fact, hadn’t he actually _done the same_? All the terrible things he had done to Leonard himself – abducting, nearly killing him?

“Surrender”, Jim told Nero. “And perhaps we will offer assistance.”

Spock turned his back towards the view screen, so that he could talk to Jim without his words being perceived by Nero.

“Captain, what are you doing?”

“Showing them a little compassion, Spock. I thought it may be a good way to earn peace with Romulus. It’s logical; I thought you’d like that.”

“No, not really. Not this time.” – he said on a resolute tone.

“I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you…”

“It seems to be the case”, Jim said as he was watching the black hole eating away the last pieces of the Narada.

After having been attacked and practically slaughtered by AnJoan Grey, Nero would now face the ultimate painful death – being crushed, torn to pieces under the impact of immense, unforgiving gravity – each inch of their body, each little bone of their bodies, each hair on their head – everything would simply be ripped apart. Of course, it would all end in seconds; but at least they would be a few painful last seconds.

Jim sank back on the commanding chair.

“Sulu, let’s go home”, he ordered the navigator. “Set a course for Earth, maximum warp. We have wounded.”

“Yes Sir!” – the pilot acknowledged, but somehow, no matter what – or how fast – he tried to operate the controls, the ship was not moving.

“Why aren’t we at warp?” – Jim asked.

“We are, Sir…”

“Kirk to Engineering, get us out of here, Scotty!”

“Captain, we’re caught in the gravity well! It’s got us!”

Spock felt panic building once more – no – not now – so close, so close they were, to die of such a death – without having held Leonard in his arms one more time…

He sat down at his console, trying to see if there was something he could do.

“Go to maximum warp, push it!” – Jim yelled.

“I’m giving her all she’s got, Captain…”

“Eject the antimatter core, Jim” – Spock suddenly said. “Eject and detonate!”

“Spock says to eject the core and detonate!”

Scotty took a few precious seconds to process the information, the plan and the consequences – seconds during which the view screen cracked from one corner to another, threatening to break in the next moment –

“Okay, if we eject the core and detonate”, Scotty uttered in complete panic – “the blast could be enough to push us away. I cannae promise anything, tho’!”

“Do it, do it, do it!” – Jim screamed frantically.

Scotty rushed to the warp core control console in Engineering and punched in the authorisation code. EXTREME DANGER, it said on the display. EMERGENCY WARP CORE EJECT. He pressed CONFIRM and it again seemed like ages until the computer ejected the antimatter core straight into the middle of the black hole’s event horizon. The negative mass collided with the accumulated matter, creating a huge explosion right at the outer border of the singularity; a huge shockwave sent the Enterprise spinning through space, out of control.

 

Spock unclenched his fists from the console he had taken a hold of, until the ship stopped spinning and reached a dead stop. He looked around on the Bridge: Jim had fainted, also the navigator had fallen from his chair; other two humanoid officers were lying flat on the ground, seemingly in great physical discomfort. He knew that this was the result of sudden, immense speed and rotation movement – luckily, he had managed to simply shut down his biological functions for the duration of the spinning, so that he would not lose consciousness. But humans were not that fortunate. Upon spinning round at great speed, the inner ear, which processes a complex set of stimuli in order to maintain balance, overloads – and the body can no longer maintain vertical position. Vomiting, nausea, and losing consciousness were only a few of the effects.

He went to the Captain and lay him face up on the deck; his pulse was accelerated; but other than that he seemed fine.

He flipped open his communicator.

“Leonard?”

“Hi”, an unfamiliar voice responded.

“Who is this? Where is Leonard?”

“It’s Grey. Your Leonard is coming around just now. Looks like many crew members lost consciousness.”

“Yes, our Captain has also – “

“Spock,” AnJoan said kindly. “Get your Captain and come down here. Leonard needs you. I will take care of your ship.”

“Our ship? You?”

“Haven’t I made enough proof of my skills so far?”

“I am sorry. Yes. I will be right there.”

Spock was so relieved to think that in a few minutes he could be near Leonard. He knew that they were out of danger now. He could allow himself a small moment of weakness.

He took James Kirk in his arms as if he weighed nothing and took him to MedBay, to find AnJoan Grey on a couch, cradling Leonard, his head over the Reman’s knees.

“He vomited and lost consciousness. I merely held him so that he would not hurt his head onto something.” - he explained, as he saw Spock's dark, possessive gaze.

Spock deposed the Captain on a bed and rushed to Leonard, taking him from AnJoan’s arms.

“Thank you”, he told him.

“Don’t mention it… I know Vulcans don’t like their properties to be touched by others.”

“Nobody touched you all these years?” – he asked – Sarek’s meeting with AnJoan Grey must have occurred more than 40 years ago.

“Nobody.”

Spock remained silent for a moment, contemplating the immensity of such love – behind the hideous appearance of AnJoan Grey, there was only vast, pure grace and beauty.

 

 

Spock took Leonard to his quarters, carrying him in his arms. He was struggling to regain and maintain consciousness but he was dirty, his clothes were slick from when he had thrown up and there was dry blood around his nose. He simply ripped his uniform apart and took him to shower. He made sure he was sitting in a comfortable position; he took soap and a sponge and carefully washed him, starting with his face and hair. He knew Leonard’s body by heart; it belonged to him.

Still too dizzy to protest, not that he would have dared, Leonard just placed one trembling hand over Spock’s wrist.

“Mmmaster”, he murmured, having recognized his touch with every inch of his being.

“Yes.”

Leonard added nothing else – the essential had already been said, in those two words. He was feeling better, but he was ashamed to be so weak – unable to even wash himself.

“Be still, Leonard, there is blood still coming out of your nose.”

Leonard leaned his head backwards, waiting for the haemorrhage to stop.

“What – happened?” – he managed to say. “The crew?”

“The crew is very much in the same condition like you. Many lost consciousness.”

“Jim?”

“I have put the Captain on a biobed. His vitals were stable.”

Spock finished washing him, he wrapped him in a large towel and took him to bed.

He sat near him and wiped his face and hair, with much care.

Leonard looked into his eyes, his vision had cleared. He wanted to sit up.

“Stay there”, Spock commanded.

Leonard had not forgotten the type of submission Spock wanted – not a single gesture without his permission – he remained where he had been ordered.

Spock looked around, located a locker and browsed through it until he found all the necessary clothes – he dressed Leonard himself, starting with socks, underwear, and a fresh uniform. His eyes were dark, misty, powerful; he had Leonard in his hands; he needed nothing else to be able to… simply exist. He could deal with the rest of things now.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters before the end.  
> Or should I continue with Khan episode?

“May I return to MedBay, Master? – Leonard asked, because that was the correct way to formulate a request, any request.

“You may. I will go assess the condition of the crew.”

Leonard rushed back to his wounded. Sarek was still hooked to life-support – his condition was unchanged, he seemed deeply asleep – most probably in a self-induced trance as Spock had explained earlier. He was in no immediate danger. Leonard was relieved to see that disconnecting him from life-support did not affect his condition in any way. He had two nurses move him with caution to the Ambassadorial quarters and monitor his condition at all times.

Jim was slowly coming around. Leonard pressed two hypos onto his neck, to clear away his nausea and dizziness. He didn’t have to ask – that kid had a huge headache. He tried to sit up, but it was an impossible thing to do. He sank back on the bed.

“Whoa, Bones.”

“I know, I know. Take it easy. We’re out of danger.”

“I need to go to the Bridge.”

“You can’t even go take a piss, so stay right there. Your headache will clear away in a few hours. Spock is dealing with everything."

“Is he alright?”

“He is… fine…” – Leonard said, hesitatingly – it was strange to see Jim worry about him after having called him a ‘pointy-eared bastard’ and other names for so many times in the past. But instead of feeling jealously, Leonard was actually glad – which was surprising even for himself.

“He’s a great guy, really, Bones. Are you guys okay?”

“We are anything but okay. Hopefully we’ll reach there… somehow… if he wants to.”

“Don’t be an idiot.” – Jim added before closing his eyes and dozing off.

“That’s my middle name”, Leonard muttered to himself and went to the Operating Theatre One, where Christopher Pike had been placed in stasis – he started putting on sterile clothes, getting ready for a very invasive surgery.

 

Spock had spent the next six hours walking along the corridors of the Enterprise and assisting the crew members that had lost consciousness and required minimal medical assistance. The dizziness and nausea wore off eventually. He helped them up on their feet and gave them a hypo from the bag he was carrying on his shoulder, then sent them to bed.

The ship was on a dead stop. AnJoan Grey was travelling from Bridge to Engineering, trying to ascertain their status and, most importantly, their position. The main computer was offline, as well as communications and transport. And since they no longer had the core, they could only move at sub-warp velocities at best.

Scotty – who had a vast experience of dizziness and nausea from other activities, only raised a brow when he saw a strange-looking alien entering Engineering.

“Who are you again?”

“I am AnJoan Grey.” – the Reman said gravely.

“Ok, cool. When did you get transferred here?”

“Transferred?” – he asked in confusion. “Do you not know who I am?”

“….no?” – Scotty answered, although the name did sound familiar. “Anyway. What’s up?”

“The crew – “

“Has passed out, I know. I kept telling everyone that holding your liquor may prove beneficial in other circumstances as well, but does anyone ever listen to Scotty? No they don’t! Anyway, beautiful, did you say you were an Engineer?”

It was AnJoan’s turn to raise a brow – did the small human just call him ‘beautiful’? He was used to hearing different types of descriptions of himself – on the ‘horrible and disgusting’ side of epithets. Before he could make any more inquiries, he was given a magna-spanner and a padd with instructions and an endless list of tasks.

“But…”

“Are you gonna help me or not? That’s why yer here, right? Come on now. There’s only four functional people on the Enterprise and we are two of them. We gotta fix what we can here.”

“But – listen, wait…”

“What now?” – the tiny human snapped, turning towards him and looking very annoyed.

AnJoan Grey found him intimidating.

“Nothing. Let’s, um… yes… conduit 2B is broken – I’m going that way.”

“Good boy.”

 

Exploratory surgery was one of Leonard’s main specializations. He could work with an isomolecular scanner in one hand and a laser scalpel in the other, quickly identifying and isolating any foreign organism. But centaurian slugs were difficult to trace, even though they were fairly large – approximatively of the size of a scorpion. They would attach to the intestines and rip them apart in order to advance through the body and do further damage.

He managed to isolate the gastropod and inject a numbing agent in it, to render it inert. The slug had sharp nippers and Leonard feared that killing it might cause further injuries to his patient. Then, using a long, delicate clamp, he proceeded to detach it from the place it had burrowed – between the fifth lumbar vertebra and the sacrum bone.

“Sweet mother of God”, Leonard spluttered as he managed to get a firm hold of the slug and pull it out of Christopher’s body. He threw it on a tray and covered it with something. The end of the surgery was still very far – he needed to assess the damage done and reconstruct every bit of tissue that had been damaged.

“Computer, increase lights by 35% on a 90-degree angle”, he said. “Osteoregenerator” – he required afterwards.

Only for a moment he looked up towards the window that separated the operating theatre from a small observation room. Someone was there, waiting, watching; Leonard’s heartbeat accelerated only for a brief second – he knew that it was Spock.

 

Spock knew very well that the surgery would last for a long time. Leonard was notorious for doing extremely thorough surgeries. He had an entire team of nurses and doctors with him, who were trained to anticipate everything he needed. He would come every other hour to check on their progress and look at him for a few moments. It was so satisfying to see how Leonard felt his presence and looked up to see his silhouette through the glass window – their eyes would meet for a few moments – and it was enough…

However, Leonard could not help Sarek – only Spock could. And it was about time to try.

Sarek lay on a bed in the Ambassadorial quarters – he had been moved there since he was in no life-threatening condition – his deep sleep or trance did not prevent his body from functioning, even though at a much slower pace. Leonard had a nurse inject him hypos with nutrients at regular intervals.

Spock gently entered his quarters and approached him. He sat down on the bed near him, looking at the resting figure of his Father. He had been through such a lot of hardships – he had just lost his world, his bondmate – and nearly his life – if it had not been for AnJoan Grey.

He thought of the Reman – what would he do, what would _they_ become? He did not know. It was not for him to guess or decide anyways. AnJoan was all that Sarek of Vulcan had left – except for his own son.

He gently aligned his fingers on his Father’s face, with love – no, with veneration and gratitude – had it not been for him, there would have been no Spock and Leonard – and perhaps no Spock at all – for Spock was sure he would not have survived being forbidden to see Leonard again. It was Sarek who had given him hope; it was Sarek who had come with a plan; it was Sarek who had sent him to Starfleet Academy – an institution which he despised from all his heart. Their minds touched and he could indeed feel his Father’s consciousness barely there, in the deepest of trances, one that only faded out more and more, leading to complete oblivion. He anchored his own mind to his, preventing him from sinking any deeper.

 _Father_ , he spoke within the meld – and waited.

There was no response, no sign that his voice ever reached is Father’s consciousness.

 _Sarek of Vulcan_ , he said, but again – received no response.

Sarek of Vulcan was not reacting at all.

 

Worried, Spock covered him with a warm blanket and returned to MedBay, pacing through the observation room. He was at a loss. Not dead, but not quite alive either, Sarek was caught between two worlds, slipping away towards a darker realm. Spock had very well perceived the process of slow dissolution, there was nothing he knew how to do, and there was no healer left among all those which they had managed to save from Vulcan. No one could help him.

Leonard emerged out of the Operating Theatre some three quarters of an hour later.

He was not really surprised to see Spock there, among other crew members waiting for a word about Mr. Pike and Mr. Kirk’s conditions.

“Master”, he said, looking at Spock only, as if he did not even see anyone else, and he did not even care what they thought of him.

“Doctor McCoy”, he said on an official tone. “How are the Captains?”

“Captain Pike is in ICU in an induced coma and he is going to stay that way for at least a week. I got everything out… it remains to be seen what state he will be waking up in. Jim is fine, but out until tomorrow. That makes you the Commanding Officer.”

“I am well aware of my responsibilities, Doctor. Now I need you to come with me. There is one more patient requiring immediate attention.”

“Sarek…?”

“Affirmative.”

 

Leonard followed Spock to Sarek’s quarters. He was not at all surprised when – on their way there – Spock just took his hand – they were both beyond exhaustion and that touch meant so very much to both of them – a little comfort until they could finally be alone and sort their own problems. But that moment was still far.

Leonard scanned Sarek.

“I can tell you that he is slowly drifting away from life… I have attempted to wake him but in vain.”

“How did you attempt to wake him?”

“By melding.”

“Come on, try again.” – Leonard suggested, flipping his tricorder open one more time and preparing to scan and record.

Once more, Spock touched his Father’s face and started a meld, gathering all his inner strength and calling him back. He remained so for a long time, trying and struggling, but nothing was happening.

Gently, Leonard touched Spock’s hand.

“There is nothing you and I can do, there is absolutely no change in his mental patterns. But Master, if you still trust me just a bit – which I know I do not deserve – then call AnJoan Grey here. If you were in this condition, wouldn’t your mind, your soul, respond to my voice?”

Spock gave him a weary look; he could not even imagine the possibility of them being apart anymore.

He took his communicator and called AnJoan Grey.

 

The Emperor entered the Ambassadorial quarters with a very worried look and hands full of grease.

“Your Majesty…“ – Spock began.

“Good God, man!” – Leonard cut him off. “Go wash your hands! Where have you been, Engineering?!”

“Yes”, the Emperor said penitently.

He cold obliterate entire races, but he did not feel like commenting in front of Leonard McCoy. Perhaps because he felt him being his only friend in a very hostile world.

He went to the bathroom and washed his hands and face and returned to the main room, where his beloved Sarek was laying on the bed, face up, and seemed deeply asleep. He kept a respectful distance, although all he wanted was to simply rush to him and take him in his arms and – and – never let go of him again.

“He won’t wake up…” – Leonard explained seeing his worried expression. “We wanted… to ask you to please try.”

AnJoan wanted to ask _how_ , and also _why_ , but somehow he knew the answer to both these questions.

“Mr. Spock… Doctor McCoy… I will please ask you to leave me alone with… Him. Trust me, both of you, I will not ham him…”

“AnJoan…” – Spock said kindly, using his given name for the first time since they met. “It is not necessary for you to assure us that you will not hurt him. It is obvious you will not… you have just destroyed an entire ship just to retrieve him from there.”

“Yes, well… I know my appearance is rather disturbing. I am used to be seen as a dangerous predator – and I am exactly that. You need to go to the Bridge – there is no one there.”

Spock slightly panicked upon hearing those words – it was an unpardonable negligence. He just gave Leonard one more look and rushed out of the room. Leonard did not stay behind any longer either – he returned to MedBay, leaning against walls every now and then, feeling like he would just fall asleep at any moment.

 

AnJoan went to Sarek’s bed; slowly, he slid one arm under him, careful not to scratch him – and lifted him up, leaning him against his shoulders. He caressed his hair, gently, with loving gestures – he started crying – for the second time in his life.

So much had gathered. So much time they had been apart. Yet not a single drop of his love had diminished; he loved him endlessly; he had loved him from the first moment; he still loved him, with everything that he was. His love was boundless; his love was what had kept him alive for so many years. His love had to bring Sarek of Vulcan back.

He leaned and kissed his dry lips – he, who looked more repugnant than any being in the known galaxy; he felt like was committing a sacrilege. He had never touched more than his hand with his lips; but these were no ordinary times.

“Sarek, my love, my love.” – he murmured, kissing him again. His own lips were cold, humid; they were like fire and ice – so different, and so close now.

Sarek’s consciousness recognized the voice of his beloved – he would have heard his calling even from the edges of the galaxy. His body tensed, struggling to come to awareness. AnJoan held him tight, crying, crying and murmuring words of love, kissing his hair, his cheeks, his lips, eyelids, wanting to simply melt him into his own body…

AnJoan felt his bond become warmer, immensely bright, and seconds after Sarek’s hand shot up, straight on the meld points on his face – their minds touched, violently, with despair, greed, with sorrow, with hope…

“AnJoan my beloved”, Sarek whispered.

“My Lord Sarek…”

“Do not leave.”

“Never. I will never leave again. Let your sorrow flow through me. I am here for you…”

Sarek broke the meld, leaned on his chest, covering his face with his hands and allowing himself to mourn the loss of his world.

 

They remained there, without speaking, for a long time. Eventually, AnJoan had him lay back in bed, keeping him in his arms. Sarek was weak and needed a lot of rest, still. He let him cry, curse, scream with unleashed fury against the one who had taken billions of lives. He held him through his grief, just being there – words were useless.

“Where are we?” – he asked, at last.

“We are on the Enterprise.”

“Nero…?”

“I have killed him.”

“My children?”

“If you mean Spock, he is on the Bridge.”

“And Leonard?”

“They are fine. They could not wake you. Spock was very worried. I should call him.”

“Wait… wait… I need more time to recompose myself. What is our position?”

“I don’t know. Earlier they have ejected the antimatter core of the ship. Without it, nothing functions here. I don’t think they managed to ascertain our position.”

“What about – Christopher?” – he asked, deeply troubled.

“He survived. Again, I don’t know much.”

Sarek sank back into his arms, playing with the IDIC necklace that AnJoan was wearing around his neck.

“You kept this…”

“Of course I did, I kept and worshipped it.”

Sarek finally stood up from the bed. His beautiful robe was dirty and he was in great need of a bath. He removed the robe from his body, aware of AnJoan’s gaze; he did not suffer from shyness when it came to his own body – it was illogical. He placed the robe in the recycler, pressing a few buttons so that a new one could be replicated – same colour and measures. At last, he took a bath – knowing AnJoan would wait for him. He dressed and came back to the room, looking fresh and beautiful – but his noble features bore the signs of deep struggle and suffering.

“AnJoan Grey”, he said solemnly – to which the Reman stood up. “You have come to me when I needed you the most. You have my gratitude…” – he spoke the ritual words.

“I only need your love”, he whispered, coming closer and taking his hands, kissing each of them with veneration.

“You have it… you have always had it.”

Sarek turned towards the door:

“Come with me. It is time to begin fixing the rest of the problems.”

 

Sarek’s first stop was to Medbay. Leonard’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw him, alive and well, and as beautiful as he could remember.

He just rushed to him and wrapped his arms around his neck, holding him tight.

“God, I am so happy to see you, if you only knew…”

“I know, child. What is the situation with you and Spock?”

“We… we – “

Leonard took a deep breath; he had avoided thinking about the problem until now.

Sarek took his hand and gently guided him to the couch in the observation room.

“It is long since we met, but I have not forgotten you, nor your words.”

“Things… changed”, Leonard managed to say.

“I saw – long ago – that you logged your bond onto the Starfleet database.”

“Yeah, I… I did.”

“Why?” – Sarek asked, trying to conduct a logical dialogue that would be beneficial to Leonard.

“Because the bond exists.”

“Why did you want to keep it at all costs?”

“You know very well why…”

“I know”, Sarek said kindly, “but I would like to hear it from you. My son has done great sacrifices to be with you. He has given up his life, his family, me, everything he had, to enrol in Starfleet and perhaps see you.”

“I… I love him, Sarek… you know I loved him from the first moment… I can’t even say… I adore and worship him… it is I who should have stayed with him – not him who should have given everything up.”

Leonard felt everything inside him starting to melt once more – and to hurt – to hurt so much that he would have rather hit his head against a wall. The bond he shared with Spock became heavy, as if it was made of iron, also hurting him, tearing him apart from the inside.

Minutes after, Spock arrived, rushing into MedBay, alarmed and looking around to locate Leonard, whose distress he had felt all the way from the Bridge. He saw his Father holding Leonard’s hand. He felt relief – at the sight of Sarek, alive and well – but also pure anger – what was happening there and why was Leonard in pain, was he trying to break their bond?

Sarek stood up, tall and beautiful between them, waiting for his son to approach.

“Father…?”

Sarek said nothing, but took Spock’s hand – he still held Leonard’s right hand in his.

“Leonard McCoy”, Sarek said solemnly. “Do you acknowledge and accept wholeheartedly the claim that my son Spock has upon you, your life, your mind, body and spirit?”

“I do…” Leonard murmured, lost in Spock’s eyes.

Spock’s heartbeat accelerated immensely; Leonard was once more acknowledging their bond, and that too, in the presence of Sarek.

“My son. Do you still want this human?”

“Yes, Father. I have never, not for a single moment, stopped wanting him.”

“Then take him with my blessing, he is yours.”

Those words and his blessing had a huge impact on the bond itself – it became solid and steady, no longer painful, but soothing, warm, glowing, pulsating, filled with light.

“I only wish you had given him the marriage bond.” – he added with a trace of regret in his voice.

“No”, Spock said firmly. “What we have is different.”

“You understand, Leonard, that you are bound to obey him, to submit to him in the smallest of matters and in the big ones as well. He owns you.”

“I know what the Kafeh bond stands for, Sarek.” – Leonard said decidedly.

“Take your mate home and be with him”, Sarek told Spock. “You have been apart for too long.”

“But – the ship” – Spock murmured, as he felt Sarek placing Leonard’s hand into his.

“I will take care of the ship. As an Ambassador, I outrank all of you children here. Now go. Both of you are relieved of duty.”

Spock squeezed Leonard’s wrist – it had been so long since he had had him in his hands – so badly, so badly he wanted to just hold him, endlessly hold him and feel him abandoning to him once more, for ever his, now, with no one to stand between them.

“Are you well, Father…?” – he asked, resisting the urge to drag Leonard away from there.

“We will talk. There is a time for everything. But now, it is the time for you to be with your chosen one.”

Leonard did not know what they understood by _be with_ and what the Master intended to do to him, with him, in the next hours – he allowed himself to be taken away from the MedBay, to his own quarters. He realized just then that Spock hadn’t even been assigned quarters on the Enterprise – he had nothing anymore, except him. It was painful to even think of it – once the son of a king and the heir of a vast kingdom, owning a house on a mountain, amidst Edelweiss flowers, had now lost his world, his mother, his heritage, his fellow people; his only possession was Leonard McCoy.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning.  
> One more chapter until the end of the story.

Spock waited as Leonard opened the door to his own quarters, punching the access code with a hand that slightly trembled. Once more, he was observing and cataloguing each of Leonard’s gestures, with thirst and wonder – as if the smallest of them was a miracle. It had been so long since he could simply enjoy his presence, his submission. He needed them; he needed them as he needed air in order to survive.

Spock went and washed his hands. He returned to the room and threw the white towel on the bed, looking at Leonard who had leaned against the desk and fidgeted nervously.

Their eyes met.

“Kneel.” – Spock ordered, his eyes dark.

Leonard knew that look. He had missed it – he had been longing for it for so long – with thirst and despair; it was the look of the Master who wanted complete submission, to the tiniest of details; it was the look of the being who had stolen his heart, his mind, his very reason from the first time he laid eyes on him.

Leonard came to him – he felt a bit dizzy, under the impact of sudden, overwhelming emotions. With slow, mild gestures, he put one knee down, then the other.

One thousand voices started screaming at him from the depths of his memory – _both knees down_ – the Master had taught him – far on the top of a mountain which no longer existed now. There was a wooden house there, and they had lived ten days of blissful happiness, after which Leonard left, and was brought back, and tried to run, to run, to run – he had endlessly tried to get away from Him – having hurt him so many times – the Master – who simply owned his soul –

“Look at me.” – the next order came, on a calm, composed tone.

Leonard looked up, unable to silence the voices in his mind.

Beautiful, long fingers aligned on his face.

Their minds touched – and instantly merged, attracted to one another with the force of gravity – the separation had been too long and too painful for both of them.

A wave of calm washed over Leonard’s consciousness and he felt the voices finally fading off; he was able to concentrate on the Master’s presence in his mind, soothing and demanding at the same time.

They remained like that for a long time, not speaking, unaware of the passage of time. Minutes? Hours? Leonard didn’t know and he did not even care. He was no longer in control of anything. At last, they were together – again – and Leonard knew this time was forever – it had to be.

“Master”, he dared to speak after a few moments.

“Yes, Leonard”, he responded.

Again, Leonard stopped to contemplate this simple dialogue, which defined the very essence of their lives. There was almost nothing else to say.

“Please, forgive me.” – he finally spoke – words so painful to utter. There was no need to even say _what for_. He should have never left Spock – he should have forever remained on the mountain with him, in their little house; at the end of their ten days, he should have never left. That was the first and most important mistake he had done; all the others – running away, trying to harm him at all levels – were minor in comparison to _willingly_ leaving. But he had done it, and their downfall had been as painful as the destruction of a world.

“In time, I will. But if you ever _think_ of leaving me again, Leonard…”

“No, Master. Never.”

“You will stay with me at all times, except when we are on duty. That means, in the same room. You will go with me everywhere.”

“Yes, Master”, he whispered, unable to hide his joy at the thought.

He could not help but wonder – what would they become? He had fallen in love with him since so long ago – but what did He want? Did he also see a lover in him? Would he ever kiss him again? Would they ever –

But those were not questions he could ask. The Master owned him at all levels. If he wanted his body, he would just take it – just like he had done _back then_. If he wanted his mind, he would also take it, anytime. While any Vulcan would request permission before melding, under the Kafeh bond there was no need.

“There is something you need to know…” – Leonard spoke, decided to just tell him everything, so that there would be no more misunderstandings.

“There is no need, I already know.” – Spock stopped him, before he could utter the words.

Spock sat down on the small couch in the room, pulling Leonard near his feet. They were both very tired, and both felt there was so much still unspoken – so many feelings and experiences to share. But they could wait for a while. Right now, all they needed was each other’s presence.

Spock covered his beautiful face with his hands, overwhelmed by the sudden realization that, even though he had Leonard, he had lost everything else – his planet, with its immense beauty and cultural heritage; his Mother, the only being who had loved him unconditionally and who had accepted him, no matter what he had done.

His eyes had filled with tears.

He tried to push away the sorrow, but it was only increasing, creating more distress he did not know how to process. There was no amount of logic that could help him here.

He felt a smooth, cold hand covering his own. He opened his eyes to look at Leonard – he did not want to appear so vulnerable.

Leonard extended both his arms towards him, wrapping them around his waist and pulling him down from the couch – because he could not stand up himself without having had his permission first. He felt Spock rather stiff and unsure of what was happening; but he merely pulled him closer and held him tight.

“It is not wrong to cry”, the human whispered. “I will not think less of you. I am here to share everything – your pain, your happiness, everything you find me worthy of. I know a lot about pain… let it flow through me if you want,” he added, taking Spock’s hand, kissing it and placing it himself on his own face, on the approximate positions of the meld points.

Spock needed to meld – desperately. In all those years, he hadn’t done it with anyone – except for a brief moment, a day before, with Captain Pike. He needed to meld just like people needed to make love, when emotion is too great and it needs to be somehow expressed.

Leonard was nearly knocked down by the huge wave of suffering that simply hit him, mercilessly. Spock had lowered his mental shields and simply let all his emotions flow freely, aware and worried at the same time, at the thought of harming Leonard. Repressed pain, carefully kept under strict control, rushed to find a way out of its confinement. Leonard just held him tighter, feeling his own eyes water; he started crying, with him together; two beings, crushed by sorrow, holding tight onto each other.

Spock just stared in the distance, unable to chase away the image of his beloved mother – Amanda – slipping away from his arms – incapable to control his own feeling of guilt, rage and helplessness.

“Do you remember that day when we made pancakes?” – Leonard murmured.

“I do”, he said, wiping away his tears. “She said they were the best thing ever… she ate ten!”

“And got strawberry jam all the way to her elbows.”

Spock smiled faintly, images of his Mother coming back to his memory – wonderful moments of bliss which had been made possible by Leonard’s presence – then, and now.

He hadn’t really spent time with her, he hadn’t laughed with her – he hadn’t – even once – watched her prepare food in the kitchen, before Leonard came into their lives. He had loved her – the concept, the idea of _Mother_ – but the real, palpable moments of joy and happiness with her had been those which Leonard had helped create.

“The pirate dinner”, Spock said, smiling between his tears.

Leonard wrapped his arms around his neck.

“I know this is against protocol”, he murmured. “But let me hold you…”

Spock gave in to his tender embrace, and said nothing for a long while. He mourned his Mother and his world in his own, discrete way: without lamentations, without cries of despair. Just tears running down his face silently and regret flowing through his bond with Leonard.

But at least they had each other now – and Spock was never, ever going to leave Leonard out of sight again.

He stood up and went to wash his face in the bathroom. When he returned, he found Leonard right where he had left him, on the floor, near the couch. Memories of a calmer space and time once again flooded over him.

“What are you going to do with me?” – Leonard asked simply.

“All that I want” – came the answer. “All that I could not do when you left, five years ago. I will enjoy your presence, your mind, your submission. Perhaps your body.”

“Perhaps…? You do not… want me that way?”

“If I want, I will take what is mine, and that is all there is to be discussed about the subject.”

Leonard did not dare ask for something else. He knew Spock did not easily speak of love; perhaps he didn’t even know what love was. Spock wanted him – that, he knew. But was he also in love? It was difficult – or even impossible to tell.

Leonard knew he had to wait, be patient and hope for something he may never have. But he had no choice now anyway. It was long since he had chosen Spock. According to the bond protocol, recognized throughout the Federation – even their own computer terminal listed it as such – the _Kafeh_ Bond meant that the partner bound by it was the property of the one who had initiated the bond. He had no say in any matters – from life and death situations to the lunch menu.  Spock had been respecting the bond protocol to the letter _back then_ ; Leonard could only presume he was to respect it now as well.

Spock lifted his chin with one finger.

Leonard corrected his position and looked up.

“You will not touch anyone else, except me, unless it is related to your profession. If you lay one fingerprint on Jim’s arm, the result will be instant pain for both of you.”

Leonard’s eyes widened.

“Why?” – he asked in astonishment.

“Because you are mine. And I do not want you to.”

Leonard needed a few moments to process all that.

“Yes, Master”, he finally said – and he saw his eyes become brighter – yes, it was well worth to do anything to see that light in his eyes.

“You will not leave my sight for a single moment. Except, similarly, if we are on duty.”

Leonard smiled. It was what he was living for – to be in his presence.

“Words, Leonard.” – the order came.

He needed an acknowledgement to each of the rules he was issuing – he needed to see that the human knelt in front of him understood what his instructions were.

“Yes, Master. I will be in your presence at all times… that means we are going to remain in Starfleet?”

“I joined Starfleet for you, Leonard. Because I could not bear separating you from your profession – not after having seen how good you were at it.”

“If you want me to quit and just go somewhere, I will.”

“I know you will.”

“And it is not because of the bond. You know by now you cannot force Leonard McCoy to do anything… I would do it for you. For… _us_.”

“I also know that. Leonard, you must understand what I require of you. I do not want to even think of forcing you to do anything. I do not want you to suffer because of the submission you owe me. I do not know how I could even live like that. I want you to simply give up your own will, completely. It is not easy – as you already are aware. I am a hard Master.”

“I know who you are, Master. And I have given up my own will the moment I turned and came to you that day – just before Enterprise left in that five-year mission.”

Spock shivered under the impact of the sudden memory. It was raining hard. He had come to see him for one last time – after the terrible, heart-tearing separation in which Leonard had told him to get out of his room and out of his life. Leonard was heading towards his shuttle – and suddenly he had turned towards him. Five minutes and fifty-three seconds – that was the amount of time they had spent exchanging a few words and looking at each other. Those minutes had changed their lives, their destinies for ever.

“Such pain”, Spock whispered. “You have made me live SUCH pain.”

Leonard bowed his head – it was true. But it was all in the past. They had to build beautiful memories now and superimpose them over all the heartache that had accumulated for so long.

“May I stand for a moment?”

Spock realized he had been keeping him on his knees for quite a while now.

“For a short moment”, he conceded.

Leonard took advantage of the ‘short break’ he had been granted to pick his personal bag from a corner. Spock lay on the bed, he was very tired – both physically and emotionally, and he knew Leonard was in an even worse condition, not having slept in more than 48 hours.

“Come to bed.” – Spock told him.

“In a moment”, he responded, looking for something in his bag.

Spock sat up, his native curiosity surfacing.

Leonard returned to bed, bringing something to him.

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw an old piece of rope in Leonard’s hands; he touched it, mesmerized – it was the rope with which, long, long ago, when Leonard had attempted to escape and run away from him, Spock had tied his hands. It had been the ultimate mistake he had done, back then; his downfall, perhaps. And Leonard – Leonard had kept it for so long!

“How… why?”

“I have rejected you then; I have tried to run from you; and I had no right to do so. I am giving this to you now, together with my hands.” – Leonard said, choked with emotion, and extended both his hands towards him.

Spock’s eyes became completely black – his pupils blown wide, a look which Leonard knew well – it was the look that spoke more than a thousand words, a look that spelled ‘You Are Mine’. With slow, calculated gestures, Spock took Leonard’s wrists in one of his hands; then, equally slowly, and reading every single feeling that passed through Leonard’s soul – which he could now do by simply touching him – he started tying his hands together.

“Breathe”, he ordered him, seeing that Leonard was simply holding his breath, under the impact of too a violent emotion.

Leonard took a deep breath as Spock had finished tying his wrists – it occurred to him that not only he could not move without the Master’s will, but he couldn’t simply breathe either. Spock truly controlled everything now – his body, his mind, his thoughts, every single heart-beat. And it was fine…

Spock lay him on the bed on one side, he looked into his eyes for a long time, just caressing his hair every now and then; words were unnecessary. At last, they had found a moment of balance; they were no longer falling in a never-ending abyss – and for the first time in very long time, Spock felt his own heart starting to melt, growing warmer, like a frozen field when touched by the warm rays of sunshine. Having Leonard was blissful; it was life itself. He sent a warm thought of gratitude towards Sarek through the parental bond – because without him, he would not have been here. Also, he sent his love through the broken bond with his beloved mother – because she had taught him not to give up hope, and had unveiled something of human nature to him. He remembered her precious words – that humans raise walls over their own pain, to shield themselves from even more pain; one must be patient and wait, because there are no walls which last forever.

 

Sarek perceived his son’s emotions and smiled. At last, his child had found his refuge.

 

But he could not spend more time contemplating his son’s state of well-being, because there was a lot to do for the well-being of all the other people present on the USS Enterprise. He took AnJoan's arm and headed towards the Bridge. He knew there was a lot to be done and both Captains of the Enterprise were still unwell. He found a young man on the Commanding Chair, who was spreading orders around with invigorating confidence. 

"Greetings." - he told him.

The young man turned to see who came to the Bridge - after which he promptly stood up.

"Hi!"

Sarek of Vulcan could not help but to raise a brow at the unusual, way-too-casual greeting.

"Who do I have the pleasure with?"

"I am Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer."

"I am – "

"...Ambassador Sarek, yes. I know."

"Excellent. This is AnJoan Grey, Emperor of Remus."

It was Scotty's turn to raise a brow. He had treated the Emperor quite friendly in Engineering. And not very diplomatically. Oh well.

The Emperor looked amused.

"We have come to assist you", Sarek spoke.

"Well, our main Computer is still offline; it would be really helpful if we could determine our exact location. And broadcast it to someone. Communications are also down.

"Other damage?"

"Plenty of", the young man said, with a very pronounced Scottish accent. Major hull breach, but I have isolated it with force fields. Also the secondary dilithium matrix is completely fried and since we have no warp core, we're unlikely to go anywhere unless someone comes our way with a new core."

"Please show me the current map of star positions", the Emperor asked.

"Right, um, Your Majesty."

AnJoan chuckled upon hearing that. He thought that the young man, who had previously yelled orders at him in Engineering, was most amusing. When a map was displayed on screen, he only needed to look at it for a few seconds to figure out where they were. 

"We are at the outer border of EGSY8p7, he said. Coordinates should be close to 3354-2288-18-178."

"That is, um... precise. How did you do that?"

"I am old, cutie. I know things."

Scotty nearly chocked at being called a 'cutie', that too in front of a terrified Bridge crew. He could not help but notice that Sarek's brows had also shot up once more. He started laughing; the tension everyone experienced - he himself included - dissipated. 

"Ok... now I presume you also have any idea about how to send a distress call?"

"I will send a distress call", Sarek said.

"...how? We have no communications."

"It helps to have a telepath on board."

"Oh. Ooooh!" - he exclaimed after having seemingly processed a huge amount of data. He was an Engineer. He 'believed' in Science. All the 'mind things' were beyond his power of comprehension. "Well, um... okay. Wanna sit down or something?"

"That would be appreciated, Mr. Scott. I am not that young anymore", he said modestly.

Scotty offered him the Commanding Chair, muttering a few incomprehensible Gaelic words.

Sarek sat down and took a moment to recollect himself. While he was a very good telepath, his abilities worked at their best when he was he was in physical contact with the person he was attempting to communicate with – but this was not mandatory. He chose a person from Starfleet he had a close friendship with – a young cadet named Jean-Luc Picard. They had an extraordinary mental compatibility and they often communicated telepathically, despite the huge age difference between them.

///Sarek???/// 

///Yes, my Friend. I require your assistance.///

///We have just heard about the destruction of Vulcan. Where are you? Are you well?///

///I am well. I am on the Enterprise. Please send help. Coordinates 3354-2288-18-178. Convey message to Starfleet Headquarters along with my Clearance Codes, J40-5224-2182, SoV. Medical teams. Warp core.///

///I am on my way.///

 

Roughly half an hour after, Sarek received a response from his young friend, advising that help will arrive in about 6 hours. All they could do was wait, now.

Sarek and AnJoan remained on the Bridge, while Scotty went to MedBay to advise Jim of the situation. 

Jim was feeling much better, even though still dizzy. 

"How are you doing, laddie?"

"I feel like I am very drunk..."

"You certainly look like it. I've got good news, help is on the way. So stay here and relax, try to get some rest, everything will be alright."

"Thanks, Scotty. How come you look so good?"

"I'm Scottish. I always look good."

"Besides that", Jim added with a smile. "How come you were not affected by the spin?"

"Oh, y'know... I've had moments in my life when my own head seemed to be spinning way more severely than what has just happened."

"Let me guess. Brandy..."

"Scotch, darlin'. Scotch. Lots of."

Jim started laughing, staring at Scotty with obvious affection. He was his best buddy; they have been through a lot together. Scotty was a certified genius; he had drafted several theories and theorems – which proved to be revolutionary. He had built the first transwarp engine, the first iso-molecular scanner and the first trilithium-based warp core.

Without realizing, Jim just took Scotty’s hand, caressing his fingers. Warmth filled his heart when Scotty squeezed his hand, gently, with affection and obvious interest.

“I always thought that you and Leonard were, you know, an item.”

“Leonard? Leonard is completely unavailable.”

“Yeah we know that… but… were you not interested?”

“Don’t be silly. Bones is like my brother. Even thinking about _it_ feels like incest.”

“So… are you gonna ask me out on a date?”

“I am planning to… except it might be slightly chilly”, he laughed, looking out the small window towards the empty space. “By the way, where the hell are we?”

“Coordinates 3354-2288-18-178”, Scotty smiled.

“Riiiight. How did you calculate?”

“I did not. That handsome alien did.”

“The Emperor??”

“Yeah.”

“You think he’s… _handsome_?”

“Well, um… he’s sort of tall, and…” – Scotty tried to explain himself, but all he managed to do was to blush adorably.

“Let me inform you that I am very jealous”, Jim said, and for the first time in days they both started to laugh wholeheartedly.

 

Sarek was silent. He was contemplating the distant stars which were visible through the main screen of the Enterprise. He had managed to make an approximate calculation, through his own bonds and the bonds the other Vulcans on the Enterprise had – there were only 9548 survivors. That was all that was left of a world which had over six billion inhabitants. So many lives were lost… Some of them had been retrieved by the Enterprise, others were still in small shuttles or escape pods, or had been retrieved by larger ships.

“Where will we go?” – Sarek asked AnJoan, or perhaps himself. We are so few left. But at the same time, too many. And we cannot scatter throughout the quadrant, if we are to rebuild our world.”

“Well, what do you need, a planet?”

“Yes… a colony. It has to be of class M, or M+, with a desert-like landscape and temperatures revolving around 35-40 degrees Celsius. It is not easy to find such a planet. Most M-class planets are already inhabited.”

“Listen, my Lord Sarek… I think you should stop worrying. You know my planet, Remus. It is tidally locked to our Sun. The side always in daylight is uninhabited, as it is too hot for Remans. I am giving it to you.”

“AnJoan… as much as I appreciate your thoughtful offer, I cannot accept it. What if civil war will start? What if your people will not be pleased? Vulcans are in no shape for combat right now. And cannot bear to lose even one more Vulcan life.”

“My people know that I am bonded to a Vulcan. Come and reign with me. You will have a home, peace, planetary defences, you will worry for nothing except the reconstruction of your race. And you will find that Remans, despite of being very ugly, they are reliable and loving partners…”

Sarek looked at him silently for a while; he extended one beautiful hand and caressed AnJoan’s translucent skin.

“Remans are not ugly…” – he whispered. “Very well. I will signal everyone to head to Remus.”

“Wait for a while. Let the Federation arrive and help. Allow yourself to rest. You have done enough.”

 _Tired_ would have indeed been an understatement. Sarek was beyond physical and mental weariness. He was simply exhausted.

“Just go and have some sleep. I will take care of the Enterprise and of your people as well.”

AnJoan took his hand, with care, and kissed it gently – a reminder of a distant gesture, from very long ago. The time to prove his love for Sarek of Vulcan was now.


	24. Chapter 24

Three galaxy-class Starships were sent to assist the Enterprise. Sarek had finally returned to his quarters to have some rest, exhausted after so much inner turmoil and telepathic transmissions. He had summoned all the survivors to Remus, which would be their new home – he kept in touch with each and every single one of them, soothing and comforting them and finding words of encouragement. 

He had moments of breakdown – despite of being Vulcan. No amount of self-control and discipline could help when faced with the death of his bondmate. There were moments when the memory of Amanda's death was so atrociously painful, that he would just go numb, unable to think, unable to breathe at most – he would just sit down and try to  _hold on_...

AnJoan looked at him with helpless eyes. 

"I am aware that no amount of love will ever wash away this pain", he told him, coming closer and taking his hand. "But I am here nonetheless."

Sarek raised his head and looked at him, a faint smile on his lips. 

"I know... I know. I will mourn her for a lifetime, my friend. But this has nothing to do with you."

"I only wish I could help, somehow."

"You ARE helping. You are giving me a home and the strength to rebuild my race; shelter and protection for my people... what more could I ask?"

"You can ask for anything", AnJoan said, sitting down at his feet. "I WILL give you anything. Everything."

Sarek traced the contour of his face with one finger. The being which looked like a monster to others was the embodiment of beauty and love. And he was grateful to have him close to him.

"So much devotion..." – he murmured.

"I have loved you from the first moment I saw you, you know that."

"Why? I was just an arrogant, self-sufficient Vulcan ambassador who thought he could have anything and anyone."

"Perhaps. But I loved you nonetheless."

“I still remember the first time I saw you. Your appearance had shocked me… your eyes had simply pierced my soul. I wanted to have you right there and then.”

“Our bodies are not compatible.”

“That, I did not know and I did not care much, to be honest. All I wanted to do was to possess you – I wanted you with every single cell in my body.”

AnJoan looked downwards, caressing one of Sarek’s feet with his sharp talons – a tender, yet dangerous caress.

“Do you – do you still feel that way?”

Sarek took a deep breath – it was a difficult question. He did feel that way, yes, even now – but the wound which he bore in his soul, in his entire being – of having lost his bondmate was too raw, he could not think of something else.

“I need time”, he said wearily.

“I will wait for you forever. Know that there is nothing I wish to have from you, except the possibility of seeing you – perhaps the chance of being in the same room with you, sometimes. I did not get tired of waiting for you. I have done so for 36 years. I can wait for another 136.”

“I will not live that long, my beautiful friend”, Sarek smiled.

“For as long as we’ll live, then. When you die, I will follow.”

Sarek wanted to protest – the idea was cruel, painful, he could not bear knowing that his death would mean the death of another being which was so dear to him.

“Do not say anything, my king”, AnJoan spoke. "I would not, I could not, and I will not survive your death. Remans love only once. For me, you are that ONE being, the one I hold most dear. Let my destiny follow its natural course.”

Sarek remained silent for a while.

“I do not wish for you to die.” – he murmured, after a few moments.

“You will no longer care when the time comes.”

“Do not think there is a different realm in which our katras will reconnect?”

“No, I do not believe in such things. Our life is like an engine. You run out of fuel – that’s it, the engine stops.”

“That is quite a fatalistic attitude towards life and death.”

“Perhaps. But I am Reman. This is what I believe. I would rather live now, enjoy now, love now, and not think of a beautiful realm in which you and I will be together forever. I would rather be together with you now. Here.”

Shaken by his words, Sarek looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time. Yes, now was the time to live, to love. Not when it would be _too late._ He leaned and kissed his lips, gently, lovingly.

“Now, AnJoan, my love”, he murmured. “It is now that I love you.”

 

*

  
"But Jim, perhaps you should talk to Leonard. Are you sure you are feeling alright?" Scotty protested, holding Jim's arm protectively as they were heading to the Bridge, even though the Captain was perfectly capable of walking by himself.

"Bones is not available."

"Where IS he?"

"He is with Spock. In their room. They're off duty. Bones deserves a break and so does Spock."

"I'm... it's just... I am worried about you. You hit your head and – well –"

"Are you going to drive me crazy like this all the time?"

"More or less", Scotty confessed as they were stepping in the turbolift. 

"Oh. Good to know", Jim laughed, twining his fingers with Scotty's.

Scotty blushed adorably, calming down instantly and controlling his native impulse to yell at Jim some more. They had acknowledged the possibility of being together, of building a common future; how would they do that, oh well – it was a mystery. They were both strong, dominant personalities, stubborn as mules and brilliant, mad geniuses. Jim had found Scotty on an icy class M planet, in a Federation outpost where he had been transferred for having done transporter experiments which resulted in Admiral Archer's dog disappearing. He had immediately started transfer procedures and in no less than two weeks, Scotty and his weird-looking and non-speaking assistant – Keenser – had become members of the Enterprise crew. While Jim had hoped to become better acquainted with the Scotsman, Scotty himself preferred to company of engines and pipes and spent most of his days and a good part of the nights in Engineering. 

Amused, Jim pressed one button on the turbolift console.

"What? Why did we stop?" – Scotty inquired. "Are you feeling sick? I'm calling Medbay", he panicked and slid one hand in his pocket to look for his communicator.

Jim placed his hand firmly on his arm to stop him, lifted his chin with one finger and kissed his lips, sweetly.

Scotty closed his eyes, it was the first time something like this was happening to him.

He had always been too 'in love' with engines and machines to actually care for someone; being kissed by another person was simply out of the question. And it was just happening! 

Not feeling any rejection from Scotty's part, Jim attempted to deepen the kiss, until Scotty answered back, at last, shyly and not exactly knowing what to do. He wanted to lean with a hand on the turbolift wall as he suddenly felt dizzy; instead he just managed to press the 'Resume' button and seconds after they arrived on the Bridge. 

Jim suppressed a curse, ran one hand through his hair and stepped on the Bridge.

"Welcome back, Captain", his Pilot, Sulu, said affectionately, standing up to greet him.

"It is indeed good to be back. How is everyone feeling?"

"We still have wounded but medical teams have been dispatched. The dizziness and nausea caused by the spinning finally wore off. I think everyone is fine now...”

"Status and position" – Jim requested professionally, sitting down on his Chair and finally feeling  _at home_.

"On high orbit around Remus. Engines –"

"– are offline", Scotty cut him off, as he had managed to control his violent emotions that had amply coloured his cheeks in red and was now standing behind Jim. "There is no way in which we can move by ourselves. USS Defiant has brought us a new core, but the mere installation of it will take me one week."

"Your recommendation, Mr. Scott?" Jim said, affection filling his tone.

"My re–... my recommendation is to be escorted to Terran Starbase for extensive repairs, by two Starships which have strong tractor-beam capabilities. _Defiant_ is too small. I would recommend _USS Samaria_ and _USS Excelsior_ which are on orbit with us."

"Thank you, Mr. Scott. Lieutenant Uhura", he then said, turning towards the beautiful brunette as the communications station. "Please schedule all senior-officers meeting in one hour. Announce Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy that their presence is requested as well."

"Aye, Captain."

 

*

 

Spock was startled by the sound of the communicator buzzing on the nightstand. He reluctantly placed Leonard on the pillow near him and took the communicator to read the message. Seconds after, Leonard's device also buzzed and Spock read it calmly. The notion of  _privacy_  did not exist when it came to Leonard. Leonard was his; everything that Leonard owned was also his. 

" _By Captain Kirk's orders, you are invited to attend senior staff meeting at 11:00 hours."_ – he read on both devices.

Leonard did not comment. He was extremely careful in his behaviour towards Spock. Their inner peace, tranquillity and harmony depended on it. Every look, every gesture, every touch – everything was important. He did not want to 'mess up' anymore. He had to do things right this time.

Spock turned on one side and looked at him. They had stayed in bed the entire night and morning and Leonard's behaviour had been exemplary. He took his hands, which were tightly tied with the white rope that Leonard had kept for so long, and untied them. His wrists had blueish marks; he had a sensitive skin. He caressed them, rubbing them to get the blood going.

"Go shower, shave and dress", Spock ordered. 

Leonard did so without a word.

Spock went to the replicator to prepare something to eat – something which they had forgotten to do in quite a few hours. To his surprise, there were but a few food options in Leonard's replicator list: yogurt, nuts, fruit and kreyla bread. Strange – he thought – all this while, Leonard had been eating the food which they had eaten long ago, during their ten days of happiness. Leonard's mind, his consciousness, had remained trapped there, in that distant past, in the imaginary landscape of their house high on the mountain. While having left him, having been away from him for so long, Leonard had never ceased to be his, Spock realized. Leonard's world consisted of Spock, and Spock only, from the first day they had met until present day. 

Tears filled his eyes, realizing once more how much Leonard actually... loved him.

 

Leonard returned to the room minutes after and got dressed. Spock had laid out the table and signalled him to sit down and eat. 

Leonard obeyed silently – he was only speaking when Spock asked him something. He had dressed in his blue medical clothes, which were matching Spock's science blue shirt.

Leonard looked at the time on his communicator – they still had half an hour left.

"Master?"

"Yes, Leonard."

"I need to see how Captain Pike is doing before the meeting. Do you want to come with me?"

Spock's eyes lit up at the mention of his dear friend and protector. Yes, he wanted to see him as soon as possible.

"Affirmative. Let us go then."

Leonard opened the door for him and they headed towards MedBay. Unconsciously, Leonard avoided looking at anyone they met on the long corridors of the Enterprise. 

Spock observed everything, silently. 

 

In MedBay, everyone rushed to greet Leonard. He avoided being touched by his colleagues and nurses quite effectively and first of all he required information about Jim's condition. He mumbled grumpily when he heard that Jim had been released for duty and was already on the Bridge. That crazy kid! 

He then changed into sterile clothes. He brought a pair for Spock too, helped him put them on and they went together to see Christopher Pike.

Their Captain was laying on the biobed, face up, his beautiful features bearing signs of great suffering. Leonard started scanning him from the door, wanting to assess his condition as soon and as thorough as possible. Spock stood aside while he did that. 

"Spock", he murmured.

"Captain..."

"Come closer... I can't move my neck."

Spock looked at Leonard for permission, who nodded. He went closer, so that Pike could see him without effort.

"Spock. Our ship – how is she?"

Spock needed a moment to process the information and to understand that by 'she', Pike meant 'The Enterprise'. 

"Out of danger, Captain."

"Jim...?"

"Captain Kirk is on the Bridge. I will go there soon and compile a proper report for you."

"And Nero?"

"Dead."

Pike allowed himself a sigh of relief.

"And what of Sarek?"

"My Father has survived and is currently aboard the station. Please, do not worry. He is well... I will tell him to come see you, if you want."

"Can you call him now?"

"Of course, but so many visitors – do they not make you tired? You should rest."

"I swear you started sounding like McCoy now, Spock... I am not sure if I can handle that" – he smiled.

Spock closed his eyes for a moment, connected himself to the bond he had with Sarek and sent a wordless message through it. They communicated through thought patterns, as all Vulcans, and at an optimal level as they were Father and Son. Leonard was gazing at him with worried eyes as it looked as if Spock was feeling sick.

"Master?" – he murmured.

Spock opened his eyes calmly. 

"I am well, Leonard", he said, sensing his worry. "I was calling my Father."

"Oh.... right... Vulcan mind things."

"Will you stop this  _Master_  nonsense?" – Pike said. He knew all about how Vulcans  _functioned._ He was still quite sure that no human could survive in that type of relationship with a Vulcan – because Humans were not made to obey, they were not made to be someone else's possession. 

"No", Spock said calmly.

Pike just rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"And you want him to call you  _Master_  while you are on duty?" – he asked incredulously.

"Yes", Spock answered, on an equally calm tone.

"And you are okay with that, son?" – Pike asked Leonard.

"Yes", Leonard answered, copying Spock's calm tone.

A second eye-roll of exasperation followed.

"Spock, Leonard", he told both of them. "Listen to my advice, if it is still worth anything to either of you. Spock, I understand how possessive you are of him. Leonard, I also understand how badly you want to prove him that you would  _do anything_. Do whatever you want when you are alone. But keep it between yourselves. Spock, Leonard is the CMO of this ship. His authority surpasses that of the Captain in certain key-moments. He needs his authority, confidence and strength. You must help him rebuild those, Spock. Normally I wouldn't have told you all these with him here, but I believe it is for the better this way."

Spock opened his mouth to say something, but the logic he saw in his Captain's words stopped him from uttering the next words. He was right. Leonard was a Starfleet Officer, and so was he for that matter. They had to observe strict discipline and not to let everyone else see the nature of their private relationship – even though, he was sure, everyone knew – up to some extent. 

Sarek opened the door with care, having been given a sterile gown to put over his robe, and came in.

"Christopher, my dear friend", he said coming to him and taking his hand affectionately. 

Pike could not suppress a tear upon seeing his dear friend, alive and well, after such tragedy.

They had known each other for so long, and had been through such a lot of things together, that they almost did not need words. They looked at each other silently for a while.

"I am rebuilding the race on Remus, Christopher. Come and stay with me."

"Sarek, I am not even sure I will walk again. If it wasn't for Leonard, I wouldn't even be alive anymore, that thing having just chewed everything inside me."

"I will care for you."

"I know you would. I'll tell you what. I will talk with my doctor here, and if he says it is alright, I will return to Remus after we are done with everything that has happened."

"Very well, my friend. Do so. I have lost too many loved ones. I will not lose you as well."

Christopher Pike had never been married. He had enjoyed a life alone, always gone on missions, making Starfleet the center of his existence. But perhaps Sarek was right. He had grown tired; he was probably never going to walk again; despite the extraordinary evolution of medicine, no one had succeeded in rebuilding all the delicate nerves that were responsible for the act of standing and walking. The thought of being near Sarek was appealing. He loved him truly, deeply. And they shared a secret - something that no one knew. While away together for a piloting and meditation mission, Sarek's _Ponn Farr_ Time had suddenly started; too far away to reach Vulcan in time, Christopher had just assisted him, without any reserves, saving his life, his sanity and his honour; no one ever knew. They had of course stopped being intimate as soon as the Time's effects wore out, but Christopher kept nostalgic memories in his mind, and perhaps a warm feeling which was more than mere friendship – but that was his secret, and only his.

 

Spock and Leonard had made a few steps back, to give the two men a bit of privacy. As the senior staff meeting was about to start soon, Spock silently pointed towards the door and they headed together to the Conference Room.

Jim, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu and the young Chekov were already there. Leonard waited for Spock to sit down and then he sat down himself, on the empty chair near Jim.

"Welcome", Jim said. "Here is the situation. Once we drop all our Vulcan guests on Remus as per their request, we will be escorted to Earth for our ship to undergo repairs and for reporting. Also we shall attend the funeral ceremonies for all our beloved colleagues who have perished during this terrible mission. You will remain in San Francisco, in case I need you. Specific tasks will be assigned to each of you," he said, standing up and giving each of his officers and friends a padd with personal tasks for the forthcoming days. 

Leonard extended his hand to receive his padd, which he took from Jim's hand and started to read; as his sleeve momentarily uncovered his wrist, Jim was able to spot the reddish marks that covered his white skin; his blood ran cold in a single second. He glared at Spock, wanting to just strike him hard over that perfect Vulcan face. He controlled his anger as there were people present; he issued the remaining instructions. 

"Everyone is dismissed except Commander Spock", he announced, then impatiently waited until they all left; he noticed the exchange of looks between Spock and Leonard; the way Leonard had looked downwards, the way he carefully avoided being touched by his co-workers even by mistake.

As soon as they remained alone, he went to him, took a fistful of his science blue shirt and pushed him violently against the nearest wall.

Shocked by such a sudden act of violence, Spock was momentarily unable to react.

"C-Captain??"

"What did you do to my friend?"

"I'm - I'm sorry? What are you referring to?"

"You know damn well what I am referring to. You are abusing Leonard! I saw the way his wrists look. If you think I am going to leave him in your hands, for you to play with, then You Are Wrong, Mister!"

Spock easily removed Jim's hand, using only two fingers, and exchanged positions in the blink of an eye, twisting one of Jim's arms behind his back and shoving him with his cheek against the same wall.

"Leonard is mine", he said, on a low, dangerous tone. "If you are going to challenge my right to him, I will kill you."

Amazed, speechless and shocked to the core by such words, Jim took a deep breath.

"Spock. Spock. Spock. Stop. I am not challenging you. Let me go and let's talk."

Reluctantly, Spock released him and stepped back.

"I apologize, Captain."

"No, listen. Right now I am not your Captain and you are not my First Officer. We are two people discussing about a third. What are you doing to Leonard? He looks injured. And I sure as hell don't like that. I have no interest in him as a _life-partner_ – but he is my best friend. If I ever see any injuries on him, I will –“

“Jim”, Spock said. “Please calm down. There is no way I am going to _hurt_ Leonard. When you make love to a woman or a man, they may have scratches and love-bites, would they not?”

Jim was taken aback – first because Spock was addressing him on his given name, and second because – well, because he was talking logically.

“Are you saying those are love-marks?”

“They are not the marks of abuse, Jim. I would rather cut my own hand rather than hurt Leonard in any way.”

Jim inhaled deeply.

“Spock. I will ask you one question, and you better be honest.”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

“Yeah, right, whatever. Do you love him?”

Spock was momentarily rendered speechless by the question. Love him? Did he love Leonard? He knew for sure that Leonard’s love for him was boundless. He also knew that he himself wanted Leonard, needed him… but… loved him?

What did love mean?

Was it that feeling of suffocation – because the air was simply not enough when Leonard was not near him? That terrible feeling of oppressive loneliness when he was going away for five minutes, for example to wash his hands? Was it that feeling of being incomplete, as if half of his own self was just missing, when Leonard was not in his arms?

“I… love him.” – he finally said.

It was the truth. He could sense that those words represented the reality of what he felt. He loved Leonard! The revelation was huge and almost impossible to grasp. He wanted to simply run from the room, get to Leonard and take him in his arms.

But then, James Kirk did the most unexpected thing: he wrapped his arms around Spock and hugged him tightly!

Unused to such gestures of tenderness, he remained stiff, unable to return the embrace, and not exactly knowing what to do – why was Jim hugging him, anyway?

“I believe you. And I finally know that my friend is in good hands. Love him; he deserves it. He adores you.”

“I… well… I know…”

“He has waited for you for five damn years. You better marry him; I will officiate.”

“Marry – him?” – Spock asked, shocked, finally managing to unwrap Jim from himself.

“Exactly. Buy him a ring and marry him.”

“But – “ – he wanted to add, in vain though, because Jim rushed out of the room, thrilled by the idea.

Troubled, Spock straightened his shirt and went out of the room – Leonard was just outside, waiting for him, gazing downwards, avoiding eye-contact with anyone else but Spock.

In the past thirty minutes, Spock had heard two distinct, but not divergent opinions regarding how he should treat Leonard. Perhaps they were right – Leonard was feeling unhappy, not that it mattered within the bond. Leonard was his property. He could treat him any way he wanted. But was that all that Leonard deserved? Did not they – _they_ – deserve a fresh start? Something free of pain?

He took his hands, caressing his bruised wrists for a moment.

He took Leonard’s padd, as if it was his – to look at his duties and schedule; Leonard had a long shift ahead. They went separate ways for now.

 

It was the end of their shift when Jim used his authority as a Captain and made Leonard sit down with him in the cafeteria, for lunch – which he actually brought to the table.

Leonard could not really focus on his own food. Jim was chattering endlessly, like always.

He did notice that his friend looked distraught.

“Jesus, Bones. I nearly regret having you invited to lunch.”

“What if he is upset? I should have asked him if he allows me to.”

“Bones, you are exaggerating. I know that your relationship is – “

“No, you know nothing”, Leonard said looking downwards.

“Look at yourself. You look hunted and exhausted. You barely watch anyone in the eye.”

“I want to – “

He stopped, as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. His Master’s hand.

“Gentlemen.” – he greeted them, somewhat coldly.

Leonard wanted to stand up, but Spock’s hand kept him in place.

“Mr. Spock! Join us.”

Spock pulled a chair and sat down near Leonard.

“Jim”, he began. “Leonard’s time belongs to me. You were telling me about rules earlier, about how I should treat him better; if you want to spend time with him alone, know that I will allow you to. But have the courtesy of asking me before.”

Speechless, Jim just stared at Spock for a few moments.

“I – I am sorry. I apologise.”

“Apology accepted. Come on, Leonard.” – he added, on the same cold tone, and proceeded towards their quarters.

“Are you upset?” – Leonard asked, as they were walking on the long corridors of the ship.

“I am.”

Leonard’s heart sank once more.

“Not because of you. Come, we need to rest, tomorrow will be difficult.”

Leonard decided not to ask any more questions. He followed Spock to their quarters and spent the afternoon at his feet, working silently on some medical reports. Spock, too, finished several tasks that had been assigned to him, supervised the relocation of all Vulcans that had managed to arrive at Remus, made lists with their needs and contacted various other allies in the Federation, sorting out medical supplies and drafting contracts for Sarek to review and sign.

Sarek himself came to see them, later that evening. Spock did not have to tell Leonard to keep his place on the floor – Leonard was well aware of the protocol and of how he had to observe the rules to the letter. There were many rules within the bond; he knew them all very well. They had been embedded in his consciousness since five years ago. He had never forgotten them – they made life simple, as it is always the case with strict discipline.

Sarek sat down on the couch and talked on a low voice with his son about various administrative issues. He was going to descend on the planet together with AnJoan Grey and supervise the construction of houses for the surviving Vulcans. Sarek seemed content to remain here.

“Christopher will join us as soon as his condition improves. I would be grateful if you allowed me to speak to your Kafeh about my friend’s condition, every once in a while”, Sarek said carefully, looking at Leonard.

“You may contact Leonard whenever you wish, Father. Leonard, you are allowed to speak to Sarek whenever it is necessary and your duties permit it.”

“Thank you, Master.” – Leonard said, politely.

Sarek noticed how impeccable Leonard’s manners were. He stood up – he still had a lot to do.

“I will see you before beaming down, Son. I am content to see that you have found your peace, together. Remember, though – no bond remains unchanged. Even a low bond such as this can evolve and transform. Let it evolve when the time comes.”

“I thank you, Father, for your kind advice. I will do so.” – Spock said graciously, and accompanied him to the door.

Sarek was right, he said, looking at Leonard from a few feet away. They had, at last, found their peace.

 

 

*

 

It was 20:04 when their shuttle landed in Riverside. They took an air-train to San Francisco, which arrived 32 minutes later and headed towards Spock’s apartment which was located near Starfleet Headquarters in a new building. Leonard was overly silent; it had been a difficult mission, in which many lives were lost. He had grown accustomed to the ‘bond protocol’. He followed Spock everywhere, he was careful about every little thing he did or said and looked mostly downwards. He no longer cared about what other people said. Spock was everything. He did not need or want anyone else, except his baby-girl Joanna, whom he hoped to see in the next few days.

Spock entered the access code and the door to the apartment opened. They went inside.

Leonard thought everything was eerily familiar. The floor was made of wood! How did Spock manage that – it was a mystery. There was barely any furniture – a small couch, a coffee table with nothing on it – an acoustic guitar in a corner. A large hardcover book on a shelf – the only one – Leonard smiled when he recognized it: _A Treatise on Emergency Medicine_ by Leonard H. McCoy.

“Shower”, Spock said, pointing towards the bathroom door.

Leonard had gotten used to hearing such brief orders. He obeyed them to the letter, without any complains. Spock was a hard, but fair Master – and he adored him with everything that he was.

He showered, with real water – which was blissful, with real shower gel which smelled like almonds – and changed into night clothes. He was so tired. Not being in space was one of life’s mercies.

He went to the bedroom, which was equally simple in design. There was only a bed there. They would definitely need more furniture, he thought, while Spock had also gone to have his shower – or maybe not? Maybe they did not need any more furniture. They could live with just a few things – after all, they would have to return to the Enterprise, because that was where their life was, now.

Spock returned to the room, already dressed in his night robe. Usually, he would order Leonard to kneel and tie his hands – that was how he slept every night.

But not tonight.

Spock took him in his arms, but not possessively like other times. Tenderly, he wrapped one arm around his waist, bowed his head and kissed him on his lips, gently.

He knew that Leonard longed after physical intimacy. He also knew that he relived in his mind their only night of love thousands of times again. Spock also thought of it often; however, even though it was well within his right to use Leonard’s body for his own pleasure, he feared the problems that may come after. Leonard would feel used; he would feel like a doll; he –

Leonard wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck and kissed him back with passion.

Spock decided to stop analysing for now. If there were going to be consequences, he decided he would deal with them; right now, all he felt was desire and longing, along with other emotions unknown to him, which leaked through the bond, coming from Leonard.

“I love you. I love you. I want you” – Leonard murmured, between the kisses.

He unclipped his robe and threw it on the floor, after which he quickly divested Leonard of his night clothes. He knew how his body looked; but right now it was as if he was seeing it for the first time. He started caressing him with long, slow, sweet gestures, as if mapping an uncharted territory, kissing every inch of his skin; Leonard was his; not his object, not his doll, but his treasure.

Leonard felt the change of energy between them; the Master did not want _to possess_ him, but _to love_ him. He also knew that Spock did not have much experience. Their night on the mountain, five years ago, had been Spock’s first night of love. This was going to be just the second. Without even realizing, Leonard took control, feeling his entire being on fire; he had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Spock now.

“Let me…” – he requested, and Spock lay on his back, while Leonard trailed a line of kisses and bites going from one pointy ear to the belly and lower, taking Spock’s hard member between his lips; the taste was coppery and intoxicating and he just wanted to feel him inside him – but no, not yet…

Spock had not been aware that such intense pleasure was even possible; it made him see white, it made him want to grab Leonard, shove him onto the pillows and claim him right there, roughly – however he had set his mind on not being at all violent.

Leonard teased his cock with the tip of his tongue for a few good minutes, after which he proceeded to kiss him back up, advancing towards his neck, he pressed his lips onto his ear and slid one tongue inside.

“Do what you feel… stop thinking…” – Leonard whispered to him. “You won’t break me.”

Spock abandoned all control upon hearing such words; he rolled over him, spread his legs using one knee and slid his already slippery cock inside him; Leonard encouraged him by wrapping his legs around his waist, tightly, to give him a better angle; he arched his back and leaned his head backwards, exposing his beautiful, white neck. Spock bit into him with abandon, starting to thrust into him roughly, his hands threaded into his hair, kissing him wildly, as if he could not have enough.

Leonard responded with equal intensity, scratching and biting wherever he could reach; but after a while, he advanced with his hands towards Spock’s buttocks, compelling him to gradually reduce the pace with tender caresses.

“I am yours, and I am not going anywhere…” – he murmured.

Spock loved the change of pace, and especially the alternation of speeds and moods. He could love him for hours without getting tired, he could abandon himself to every urge that traversed his consciousness, and Leonard was there, vivid and energetic or tender and soft, and once more Spock knew he never wanted to be apart from him again.

He reduced the pace until it became almost imperceptible; deeply inside him, he extended one hand and connected a deep meld, going straight to the root of Leonard’s consciousness:

“Leonard McCoy”, he murmured, “parted from me and never parted, I am claiming you as my bondmate.”

He saw Leonard’s eyes widening, and for a moment there, either of them was able to discern anything else but a pure, warm, golden light which irradiated from their own minds, took over their consciousness, enveloping them in blissful, eternal warmth. The _Kafeh_ bond grew larger, like a geyser in the bright light of the Sun, transforming, transforming and evolving, and Leonard was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful. Their bodies also reached the climax of their long-denied pleasure, in unison, their lips locked together, breaths merging – the union was perfect, complete – as it was destined to become.

Spock was the first to awake from their reverie; he needed to attend to the needs of his bondmate. He got out of the bed and took a wet towel from the bathroom, which he used to clean Leonard. He straightened the sheets – he would have to change them later – and took him in his arms.

“What… happened…?” – Leonard managed to whisper.

“The bond evolved. You are now my bondmate.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you are to me what my mother, Amanda, was to my Father, Sarek.”

“Your… your husband?”

“In a way, yes. You can now call me Spock.”

Leonard smiled.

“It is good that the bond evolved… I feel… complete now.However… Spock”, he smiled, the name sounded so strange when spoken by him, “you will forever be _The Master_ for me. And that is how I will call you.”

Spock felt a huge wave of happiness flooding his entire being upon hearing such words.

“The new bond, in its current state, is not one that would require your submission, my beloved…” – Spock felt complied to tell him – because it was the truth and he had to be honest with Leonard until the end.

“I will give it to you nonetheless, Master”, Leonard answered, taking his hands and kissing them.

“Even though you are a Starfleet Officer and the CMO of the Starship Enterprise?”

“I see no one but you. I want no one but you. You are my entire life.”

Spock lay near him; he took his hands, the rope from the nightstand, and tied his wrists. He looked into his eyes while doing so; there was only acceptance there; only submission and only love.

“There is something you must know, Leonard…”

“What is that, Master?”

“You, too, are my entire life. I love you…” – he murmured. He bowed his head to kiss his lips one more time. “I love you”, he repeated.

Leonard swallowed with difficulty; tears were filling his eyes. To hear such words – was worth a thousand deaths. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the Master’s shoulder; his tied hands across his chest. He was comfortable – and he was responsible for nothing. The Master controlled everything. And for the first time in ages, he felt he had returned _home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for having read Edelweiss. Drop a comment and tell me what you think. Was the Dom/sub disturbing to read?  
> I am now open to suggestions regarding next story. Please bear in mind that my main 'speciality' is non-sexual Dominance/submission, and that I only write Spock/Leonard McCoy.
> 
> Regards,  
> AnJoan Grey
> 
> PS: My e-mail for everyone who asked:  
> anjoangrey@gmail.com

**Author's Note:**

> Characters and some pictures belong to Paramount.  
> Story by AnJoan Grey


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